This actually drives me up the wall.
People forget that Jean is hurting. He has only interacted with Kevin a few times since everything happened back in Evermore. The way he acts with Kevin is largely affected by that betrayal and no one can damn him for being more brash towards him.
This does not equate to Jean wanting harm or distress to come to Kevin. At most, Jean wants him to feel guilty because of course Kevin escaping had direct consequences for Jean.
Yes, Jean grew up in a violent environment and has partaken in violence himself but it was largely beaten into him as a survival mechanism rather than out of any intention. We see again & again that Jean is not an inherently violent person and especially as he's learning to heal, he leans back into his natural empathy more & more. He was hurt by Kevin leaving but he doesn't blame him for it either.
They both endured unimaginable pain and violence. They were each other's reprieve from that very violence and I doubt whilst being in a healthier environment, actively undergoing therapy and having more support than he's ever had before, would suddenly flip those dynamics on their heads.
To say that Jean would ever enjoy inflicting harm on Kevin or believing him to be deserving of such completely goes against Jean's character.
As you said, Jean was brutally raped. What happened, happened in a very violent manner even when he didn't 'fight it'. We know Grayson liked to bite, Jean mentions Grayson almost dislocating his arm and that he was resorted to crying so hard he almost threw up. I directly quote "He set out to hurt Jean as badly as he could that fourth night", followed by Jean describing Grayson's actions and even the way he spoke to Jean during it. This in particular leaves a bad taste in my mouth because the way Grayson spoke to him is the same way I've often seen this dynamic written before and if people don't believe he'd have a problem with speaking to Kevin in that kind of manner regardless of Kevin giving consent then I don't know what to say.
I'm not saying that Jean won't ever heal from those memories. Nor am I saying that he won't ever be able to take part in certain kinks as a result of his trauma, but I can't see any situation where Jean could get off on hurting Kevin through sex without it also hurting Jean in the process. If anything, these books are demonstrating the importance of Jean separating the behaviours in the nest from himself in order to heal. This applies to his sex life too. I truly think the means in which Jean heals best comes from the proof that he isn't like them.
I have similar issues regarding how Kevin is often treated in sexual dynamics, him crying during sex as a result of pain and Jean enjoying being degraded (Whore, slut, etc). I won't get into these because I've definitely yapped too much for now but I might make a post on it later.
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