#1 season one Jayce Talis defense page

even if we only look at kevin's life pre-canon, we know that he grew up in a murder sports cult with extremely toxic views around sex and sexuality.

he was expected to always be in the same room as his obsessive, possessive, abusive adopted brother, riko. riko is shown to take great enjoyment from inflicting sexual violence upon others. kevin was considered riko's possession, his pet, and riko was allowed to inflict whatever violence he saw fit, as long as it didn't hinder kevin's ability to play. kevin also cannot refuse riko.

the coaches, nurses, and other adults in evermore had similar access to the players, and they, too, were allowed to do whatever they wanted as long as it could be explained. jean outright tells us that he witnessed a freshman being killed due to not performing to expectations.

kevin was also raised as a child celebrity and child athlete, both of which are very sexualized, especially in the early 2000s, which is when kevin would have been a teenager. he was expected to perform perfectly in front of the cameras no matter what was done to him behind the scenes.

and then we have what the books and kevin himself tell us. kevin distrusts betsy because 'she's andrew's', kevin says coaches specifically have no honour, kevin is very aware of the prejudices around queer athletes, kevin has a visceral reaction to luther telling andrew he didn't understand normal brotherly love. his conversation with jeremy regarding jean's assault also has hints of this.

Jean discovers the truth when he's sent to California. Kevin trusts no one but his boyfriend to look after him, and Jean is completely thrown off by the revelation. Of course, he knows why he's jealous of Jeremy, he's dating the boy Jean has been pining after for years. However, with every day that passes, that jealousy becomes harder to understand as Jean starts to fall unintentionally for Jeremy too.

Having a crush on a boy who's already taken is difficult enough. Imagine having a crush on two boys who are dating each other.

Kevin has never been in a position where he could do anything for Jean beyond patching him up. Then Renée saves Jean, Neil strikes the deal with Ichirou and, for the first time in his life, Kevin has the chance to actually do something good for the one person he cares the most.

And Kevin doesnt believe he can be the best for the Jean. Honestly, I dont really think he believes he can be the best for anyone. I dont think he believes he deserves It either, but that's another conversation entirely.

So he does what he thinks It is best for Jean and sends him away. And Kevin isnt stupid. He knows Jean has a crush on Jeremy and he knows very well there is a high chance something more might come out of both of them being 'partners'.

Still, he sends Jean away. And he does so because he wants Jean to be happy. He hopes this happiness might include him in whatever way Jean would allow It, but if it doesn't, to Kevin It doesn't matter. What matters is that he finally has one chance do It right by Jean and he doesn't want to let the other down again.

Kevin doesn't fumble Jean, he lets Jean go knowing exactly what he is loosing but also knowing he would never be able to live with himself If he passed up on the chance to give Jean the best he could give.

If this meant never having him, If this meant never even trying, then so be it, that was a price Kevin was willing to pay.

Jean was traumatised doing it for Neil and he barely knew him.

Kevin had do that all the time for Jean. All the time. And we can see in TSC that they have almost a second language when it comes to touch, or checking him over, and how unflinchingly Kevin doesn't even act to Jean puking, or how much of a caretaker he is when it comes to Jean.

But what gets me is that I don't think Jean was allowed to do much of the same in return for Kevin. There is only one mention of Jean being allowed to piece Kevin back together and it is when Riko does his hand, and Kevin uses that to send Jean to get Riko out of the room and then escapes.

Jean never mentions another time he was allowed to take care of Kevin. And we know that even if we believe Riko didn't brutalise Kevin (doubtful) or didn't brutalise Kevin to the same extent (I won't burn you Kevin bc we can't explain that but there's other things to do to you) we do know that Tetsuji did. And has done since Kevin was nine, or even under.

And sure before Jean got there Riko had to be the one right? Or Riko and maybe Josiah Smalls?? (Which is horrifying given Kevin and Jeans reactions to him). But after that, when Jean is there, does Riko just never let him take care of Kevin? Does Riko keep Kevin to himself in those moments? I can't see Riko being a caretaker. I bet he's rough and nasty with it. But he's also possessive. Does Kevin never get any proper care and affection when he is recovering?

Is that one of the reasons he is so, so delicate with Jean?

Does Jean ever hate it? Seeing Kevin be pulled away from him and then not even taken care of? Does he try to make it better later? Or does he chalk it up to they're partners and I'm not?? Jean later reflects that Kevin was always the strong one. He never thought about Kevin not being that. So maybe he didn't think about what Kevin needed after it all, because Kevin was so good at hiding after so many years. Kevin was conditioned with the words "can you play? Yes or no?" And that's all that matters.