You'll Thank Me

one of my favorite tropes is when a character is talking in the foreground and something happens in the background that directly contradicts what they’re saying

This will never get old.

last night one of my campers was like “well i lost one of my shoes in the swamp today” and i said “oh no!” and she shrugged and said “its ok. shoes are just objects” and damn. they really are

today a completely different camper with scratches all over her legs was like “every step hurts me” and i was like “oh that sucks!” and she shrugged and said “well, you know, pain is a temporary emotion”

the next gen have achieved either peak buddhism or peak nihilism

And always had tea and snacks for Harry and his friends when they came to his hut. Even if they weren’t always good, he was always trying to take care of Harry.

harry literally says hagrid is the bravest person he knows in like prisoner of azkaban?? what happened harry???? why you do my boy like that???

pour one out for Rubeus Remus Potter, the name that never was

one time in freshman history class the teacher asked if we supported women’s suffrage. one kid didn’t raise his hand because “women shouldn’t have to suffer”

imagine being him thinking women’s suffrage is women suffering and the entire class raises their hands and just being like w hat th e fu ck gu ys

wow i love this

One of the truest things I’ve ever heard is that people who say they’re “brutally honest” are more interested in the brutality than the honesty.

When you introduce two different groups of friends to each other, it’s like your own life’s crossover episode.

Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.

I want this on a bumper sticker

Friendly reminder that if you shake hands with a guy you shouldn’t eat or touch your face until you’ve washed your hands.

this isnt some Feminist Joke, btw, they basically teach this in food safety since so many guys think its fine to not wash their hands after they’ve touched their dick

Men be like “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate” like no, Shut up. You are the Devil

I did not know this. Is it OK for a non Muslim woman to shake hands with a Hijabi? Or do we do the hand on chest thing too?@popcanpoli

This is also good if you’re meeting an Orthodox Jewish person who’s not the same gender as you!  Not all Orthodox Jews hold by this restriction, and many consider it a permissible exception to shake hands in a formal greeting context; I’d guess this is parallel to Ms. Soueidan’s last-quoted tweet above.  And as that says, the sensible thing is to wait for initiation.

learned something new. awesome

every text is a risky text when youre a dumbass who cant use words right

For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in.

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

im a simple gal. people raise their voices at me, i cry for an hour

one day im just gonna do it. im gonna vanish into the scottish highlands like god intended

Your daughters do not exist to give you grandchildren

Or domestic labour by the age of 7

And they’re not a mini-mom for their siblings either

Or be your personal therapist.