Normalcy is for the weak

Scooped this molecule of a snake off of the bike path

They unfortunately do not do well in captivity if anyone was thinking about that. Theyre very real and they are in fact, molecules of snakes. Youll usually find them in your potted plants or near lots of dark damp ground cover, where worms, slugs, and snails are likely to be found. Theyre native to the eastern half of north America, spanning all the way from southern Ontario and Quebec, to as far as El Salvador! Gotta be one of my favourite little guys in existence.

We still don’t have a word for pussy.

“i think my boss is secretly Darkrai, Mythical Pokémon of Nightmares and Darkness” bingo

yeah they think it's bourgeois and childish and that you are bourgeois and childish if you are a feminist. sometimes the ones that want to act like Allies to Women will act like it's cute (read: naïve) that you're a feminist and expect you to be flattered by that. otherwise you're stuck up and obnoxious for acknowledging rape culture, caring about your own safety, and not believing in bullshit like "rich women don't experience misogyny"

The tailors at Colonial Williamsburg made a suit for their cat

“Unfortunately for me there was a hole through the floor close to the fireplace, just large enough for the cat to pass down; after making some efforts to get rid of the clothes, and failing, pussy descended through the hole and disappeared; the floor was tight and the house underpinned with brick, so there was no chance of pursuit. I consoled myself with a hope that the cat would extricate itself from its incumbrance, but not so; night came and I had made on a good fire and seated myself for some two or three hours after dark, when who should make their appearance but my master and mistress and two young men, all in good humor, with two or three bottles of rum. After all were seated around the fire, who should appear amongst us but the cat in his uniform. I was struck speechless, the secret was out and had no chance of concealing; the cat was caught, the whole work inspected and the question asked, is this your day’s work? I was obliged to answer in the affirmative; I would then have been willing to take a good whipping, and let it stop there, but no, to complete my mortification the clothes were carefully taken off the cat and hung up in the shop for the inspection of all customers that came in.”

The public fridge

the fact that you think you could pull me is somehow not even in the top 3 dumbest assumptions in this ask

the even more honest answer is the fact that this is an issue for you means you don’t have a shot to begin with lmao

This kind of insane story where you get to bring home a hot trans woman but get shocked by her dick is nonsensical. It’s a weird psychosexual fantasy cis men use to try to sublimate their guilt over finding a trans woman attractive, and it’s so fucking obnoxious for these men to act like it’s my problem somehow!

Caught

Beach day