they pay me in WOIMS

then someone gets brave and makes a character who is a real bastard and makes all the wrong choices and is maybe even malicious at times and they make this character explicitly queer. and then fans are like "this is what you think of us?? worst representation ever" and the creator gets absolutely lambasted, ESPECIALLY if theyre queer themselves

then everyone else sees this and either thinks its too risky to include a queer character, or wants to make sure they're only doing the good and nice representation with no flaws or mistakes

look at this shit

In the wild capybaras live in large groups so naturally a female capybara will take care of not only her own offspring, but all of the other offspring in the group. So capybaras are super great mothers who will adopt pretty much anything and take care of it.

Lots of places that rescue different animals will give a group of baby animals to a capybara to raise if they have one.

Like puppies

Ducks

Deer

Emus

Before we learn about trans feminism, we need to learn about feminism. Does it include us? Not often. Is it all trash? No.

We need to learn about the history of sexism and the struggles people with uteruses have to be seen as more than property. We need to be able to empathize and realize that we are co prisoners, not enemies.

I think this hatred of trans men and denial of their pain is rooted in a lack of understanding of feminism. We spend so much of our energy suffering, and trying to find help and community (which is good), that we stop being able to understand other people's problems (which is bad).

It's also rooted in the top down system. The biggest feminists tend to be the most privileged, so they see ultimate privilege man as the default. You can add black or trans or disabled to him and he becomes more oppressed.

Kimberle Crenshaw thinks of things the opposite way. In her 1989 intersectionality essay, she describes a room where everyone is trying to get out by the ceiling. She says that white feminism wants to put a ladder down from the ceiling to the bottom. Only the people near the ceiling (more privileged people) benefit. They might not keep building the ladder. They might fight over it. What she is doing is building a staircase from the bottom to the top. Everyone gets out. (Her essay is much better than my bad memory attempt to explain it. Go read it.)

Cis and man and rich and able and white and etc. can't be the default. They are already the way we see the world. We need to look from the bottom up. If we help the most vulnerable people, we help everyone.

Example. We make law that says no discrimination against women. That doesn't help Black people.

Versus we make law that says no discrimination against any marginalized person. That helps everyone.

The people who hate trans men see it as them stepping up on the ladder, and trans women stepping down. This doesn't reflect what happens. And it isn't helpful to fight over who has it worse because we're just fighting over the ladder.

We need to build the staircase. We need to build the stairs according to what everyone needs. Laws against trans discrimination. Laws against racism. Laws against body discrimination. Laws for bodily autonomy. Laws decriminalizing sex work. Converting hotels into shelters so homeless people can stay safe and not have everything stolen from and have showers. Universal basic income and healthcare so people are never hostages. Etc.

Access to gender-affirming care (GAC) varied across gender identity when comparing trans men to AFAB nonbinary individuals (Table 2.5). For example, both groups highly desired top surgery; however, trans men were significantly more likely to have already undergone the procedure (32%) compared to AFAB nonbinary individuals (10%). Both groups also showed interest in hysterectomies, though access again differed, as 10% of trans men had undergone a hysterectomy, while only 2% of AFAB nonbinary individuals had. Overall, this indicates that while transgender men and AFAB nonbinary individuals often seek similar forms of care, nonbinary individuals experience a larger gap between desiring a procedure and receiving it, possibly due to systemic barriers or variations in how medical providers approach nonbinary transition-related care.

When comparing across gender, some similarities exist between transgender women and AMAB nonbinary individuals in their desires for certain procedures (Table 2.7). For instance, both groups wanted laser hair removal at high prevalences (54% of trans women and 58% of AMAB nonbinary individuals). However, transgender women were far more likely to have undergone the procedure (40%) compared to AMAB nonbinary individuals (15%), suggesting a greater gap between desire and access. In contrast, desires for surgical procedures diverge between trans women and AMAB nonbinary respondents. Trans women wanted vaginoplasty at much higher prevalences than AMAB nonbinary individuals (48% vs. 17%), and a substantially larger percentage of trans women already had the procedure (11% vs. 1%). These findings highlight that gender-affirming needs are not uniform across gender identity.

^ also from the 2022 USTS. & from the 2015 USTS:

Seventy-eight percent (78%) of respondents wanted to receive hormone therapy at some point in their life, but only 49% of respondents have ever received it. Ninety-two percent (92%) of those who have ever received hormone therapy were currently still receiving it, representing 44% of all respondents. A large majority of transgender men and women (95%) have wanted hormone therapy, compared to 49% of non-binary respondents. Transgender men and women were about five times more likely to have ever had hormone therapy (71%) than non-binary respondents (13%)

Had it but not for gender identity/ transition

Have had it

Want it some day

Not sure if I want this

Do not want this

The charts above only seem to consider "desire it" or "have had it" as far as I can tell, so we do not know the difference in how many nonbinary people were unsure vs how many binary people. It seems like a sizeable amount of people of both assignments selected "unsure" for many options. The numbers below reflect the average between both trans wo/men and nonbinary respondents of either AGAB:

Respondents were asked a series of questions about whether they had received or wanted to have specific surgical and other procedures, separate from gender-affirming hormone therapy. Respondents selected if they wanted to receive questions about procedures or surgeries for those assigned female at birth (such as chest surgery or metoidioplasty) or questions about procedures or surgeries for those assigned male at birth (such as breast augmentation or vaginoplasty). Respondents who indicated they were born with a variation in physical sex characteristics or described themselves as intersex were able to select either set of questions or a third option that included questions about both types of procedures and surgeries. Eighty-four percent (84%) of respondents indicated that they desired one or more transition-related procedures or surgeries, separate from gender-affirming hormone therapy. Thirty-one percent (31%) reported receiving one or more of these procedures or surgeries.

-All trans people are whichever gender their attacker can use to hate and denigrate them most effectively, and face similar and overlapping (never opposite) forms of discrimination

-Transmisogyny and transandrophobia are both unique ASPECTS of this discrimination that CAN be experienced by any trans person (bc bigotry is stored in the bigot), but are most OFTEN used against people perceived as transfemine and transmasculine respectively

-There are unique experiences and ways these forms of oppression intertwine with general forms of misogyny and the oppression of men seen as not performing the Correct Masculinity (non-white cis straight and able bodied masc people). These unique forms of oppression need language and description and to be talked about in order to articulate and fight against them, HOWEVER, they are not and never will be the OPPOSITE or "better version" of what the trans person perceived as the Other End of that spectrum of oppression is battling. They have LARGE overlaps of who is touched by them and in what circumstances, of how they hold people away from jobs or places in society, and of how they are used to punish us for being the Wrong Genders in the Wrong Way.

-Intersex, nonbinary, agender, two-spirit, and many people presenting as a butch woman or a femme man are especially often affected by any and ALL forms of transphobia. When you start separating people into identity groups by the TYPES of discrimination they can face, rather than their CLAIMED identities, you are inevitably cutting out everyone on the borders and overlap of that type of discrimination while also presenting a false "us v them," "TMA vs those Others," dichotomy that is NOT useful. This method sorts other people by the assumptions of the speaker and their experiences rather than the identity they claim, erases everyone & their experiences in the grey in-between and overlaps, and fails to articulate anything about the oppression faced that the original conversations don't already cover. It also leans into the idea that anyone can be EXEMPT from a type of bigotry, which again fails to take into account that the assumptions of who you are and should be are stored IN THE BIGOT - for an example, look at the transmisogyny facing cis women (especially black women) who look "too masculine" in sports.

-Trans people all face both unique and overlapping forms of discrimination, all of which are manifestations of a mixture of racism sexism classism and transphobia, and all of which have more in common with other forms of trans and gender discrimination than they have discrete, separate, or "opposite" experiences of oppression. There is no core of trans people experiencing something incomprehensibly, radically different than another by gender presentation in the USA. We are all in this together, we are all suffering attacks from many of the same places people and institutions, and it does us FAR more good as a community to recognize what we have in common than arguing over who has it worse, who has it better in an active genocide, and who is "exempt" from oppression.

[ survey.gendercensus.com ]

The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.

It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!

Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

Thank you so much!

[ Link to survey ]

PS: You can see some regularly-updated statistics about incoming data here, with lots of demography and graphs to peruse!

people in every queer and trans community i go to set an expectation: i should ofrever abandon my muslim past, i should explicitly stop associating yourself with it whatsoever, you either get to be queer or you either get to be raised-muslim.

in reality, there's no such expectation for christianity, and none of them are ready to dismantle their "inner christian" in their heads as much as they expect be to dismantle my "inner muslim"

none fo them get to admit how most first world countries are culturally christian, because christianity is "default" to them, as well as first world, as well as white.

me having a complicated relationship with islam doesn't mean i absolutely despise every piece of it. it means i distanced myself from ummah, but won't hear islamic criticism from non ex muslims at all, because you expect us to dismantle "our inner muslims" in ways you aren't ready to dismantle imperialism and racism in you.

your expectation is us "acting white", you don't want us unless we're that, which means you don't want us at all.

a lot of people claiming to want to uplift brown queer voices and such don't procced to do anything meaningful for them, or for brown people at all. it's just virtue signaling, homonationalism. you'd only care of brown people being queer, and you want the "brown" part of it gone as much as possible.

a lot of people say they want the leftist agenda to stop being us centric and imperialist, but then it's just pretending to care about it. you already made is so little and unhearable you'd have to get out of your way to seek for us speaking. then you'd not seek or if you find us, you will just pass by. hoping someone else would amplify the voice you took from us? and that someone else would hope for that too, so what?

you want us only when we agree with everything usa says about us, you want us until our lives don't put you into too much discomfort. when they put you into too much discomfort, you don't ask why, you'll restore the comfort by banishing us again. your tolerability of us is so intricately conditional, to meet those a third worlder has to build themselves into a first worlder mindset. this is your (inter)nationalism hey.