Pretty Things

If you listened to transphobes, you might assume that the whole concept of “separate toilets for women” was designed with women’s safety in mind - and it was, but not in the way you might think. 

Gender-segregated bathrooms emerged in the late nineteenth century and early twentieth century (so around the time women were entering the workforce in greater numbers in the US and Europe). But the idea behind that wasn’t rooted in empowerment or feminism: 

Women were seen as fragile and weak. Public spaces (and especially higher education or the workforce) were considered unsuitable for women. So, it was believed women needed separate “restrooms”, assuming they might faint due to their naturally "delicate" health.

Separate bathrooms limited women’s access to education, work, and public life. This may seem counterintuitive at first glance, so let me explain: women’s restrooms were often located inconveniently… subtly discouraging women from staying in public spaces for extended periods. This was not about women’s safety, but about men wanting control over women. 

In Victorian ideals, women were supposed to be modest and “pure”, and this meant that they had to occupy distinctly different spaces than men . Separate bathrooms were a way of reinforcing their “proper” roles in society, emphasizing that their “real” place is in the home rather than in public or professional spaces.

The argument that we need “women only” bathrooms to protect women is not rooted in history or evidence. They were born out of sexism, not safety. 

With all my love, 

the ladies room line is never a thing. they are all cleaner. there are twice as many places to go. men figure out pretty quickly that women both poop and pee which goes a long way towards seeing all women as a full ass humans not just a dainty perfect porcelain dolls that fart cinnobon fragrance. i mean, at least at the segregated bathrooms institution i was at, I was always climbing stairs to a different floor while holding it in because all the ladies rooms were on even floors and the mens were on the odds.

also when it's gender neutral no one gives you the stink eye if you look a little too masculine or feminine. totally straight cis women with/without short hair and long haired, baggy cloths wearing, straight cis dudes sometimes get the dreaded, "excuse me! this is the gender's room. get out." so the gender neutral option keeps everyone minding their own business. no crotch check agro ever again.

For those of us raised as girls, we were told to sit down, shut up, and look pretty. Even if someone wasn’t specifically told that, it was obvious that it was being pushed by the people, media, and social norms around us.

So when we as transmascs and trans men are told /that exact same thing/, to sit down and shut up because someone “more important” is talking, it reminds us of how we were treated when we were little girls or when we were seen as little girls.

And the “look pretty” part doesn’t get left out either. The ratio I’ve seen of “shut up and sit down” in the same sentence as something referring to our genitals (or the genitals they expect us to have) is nearly 1:1.

We have to walk on eggshells constantly. We are either seen as confused and stupid little girls or scary and privileged cis men. I’ve seen countless posts saying something along the lines of “take away the trans part from trans men and it all makes sense” which is ridiculous, obviously. We are trans.

When we step outside that perfect model of either the stereotypical 14 year old with fluffy hair and a high pitched voice or the stereotypical cis man with all the power in the world, we are critiqued at best and abused at worst. When we fit into those stereotypes, we are critiqued at best and abused at worst.

We are treated like dress up dolls that are just a bit broken. We can’t be good enough for everyone, let alone anyone. People put their own perceptions of us above our experiences and then stick their fingers in their ears when we try to tell them that maybe we’re worth listening to.

26/07/2026 Jean-Luc Picard @SpaceDadSupport Incoming Transmission…

THIS! It doesn't matter if someone is or isn't actually fat this is something so many girls (and guys) go through and no one should ever think they don't have a right ta complain they should be able ta reach out they deserve help or ta just vent without being told they don't have the right

And I'm a bigger girl but if someone skinny I know was saying that I'd be trying ta see what help they need that I can give

People who say OP's first comment are very often having their mind warped by eating disorder. There are cases where girls whose *bones you can see clearly* think they are fat. It's not about you. It's about their brain. They are genuinely unable to see the reality. And eating disorders are the deadliest mental illness. It kills us fat people just the same as the skinny people.

Society is constantly warping our minds, even without a full eating disorder. It's making us all mentally ill to a minor degree. We all have to unlearn that.

By the way, we also have to unlearn being angry or jealous at people who are skinny, like the tv pushes. At dismissing their struggles or saying they have no struggles, like some fat positivity people say.

I will compare this to my very noticeable body differences. I was always told by adults and especially my parents to cover up. My grandmother had scoliosis so I had to have perfect posture so I didn't follow her, never mind that my leg is shorter and I can't wear lifts. That I was ugly when I showed my differences. Also got hell for getting acne and my hair would be criticized constantly. If I'm not fresh out of the shower when I meet her, it's the first thing my mom says to me. Literally "hey. Your hair is so greasy right now. You need to fix it." Even after a long journey I took or from camping.

I have tons of body image issues, including weight issues. I deleted the details because I don't want them used against me, like the one time I posted my worst trigger and someone said they were going to do it to me. Anyway.

I never saw people with different or lesser problems to be putting me down. I saw them as fellow sufferers. Sometimes I saw them as being an inspiration for how I could also cover things up, which...is unhealthy. I'm still trying to convince myself of that. I don't need a procedure, which always comes with risks and side effects, when it's cosmetic. On the good side, I recently discovered scar tattoos and thought it was a good idea. To turn my scars into a celebrity appearance.

You need to shift your mind from, this person is also stabbing me, to this person is also being stabbed. At least think of it as shrapnel rather than the whole explosion aimed at you.

If not, I'd start with pliers, vice grips, whatever you have. If you can get a good grip on it, then you can get it out. If not, you might need to try several things. I will mention that they sell screw extractors, but those can be pricey.

The cheapest and least reliable method is to use heavy duty tape or a piece of rubber, like a rubber band, and put it between the screw and screw driver. Just like opening a jar, the rubber gives your screw driver extra grip. You should really press it in there. Worth a try if only because it's free.

If you are willing to sacrifice a drill bit, you can hammer one into the screw (you might need to drill into the screw to make a decent enough hole). The hexagons and star shapes work best. Make sure it won't fit into the hole unless you use force. Super glue helps, too. Simply attach the bit to the screw driver and reverse it back out. You'll be able to use the drill bit again if you encounter another stripped screw. I think rubbing alcohol will separate the bits afterwards.

A lot of the time, trans feminists are blamed for the actions of these people. Trans women and femmes get blamed. I and my sisters have nothing to do with cis women being transmisic.

I'm not saying trans feminism is all good. There are some horrible essays and people out there. I'm saying that not every bad take should be blamed on feminists. That you're promoting the idea that trans feminism is bad as a whole.

Imagine a cis man telling you that wearing your clothing is misogynistic. That according to feminist theory, wearing long sleeves and dresses is a sign that you agree with the patriarchy. Do you think that he's a true feminist, or just a bigot twisting progressive language for his purposes?

Examples include:

They ignore the fact that Julia Serano (coiner of transmisogyny) said that she doesn't like the tma/tme labels and regrets speaking over transmasc people.

They ignore the fact that Emi Koyama (coiner of transfeminism) said a part of transfeminism has to be nonbinary people and trans men refusing to let trans women speak over them or for them.

They ignore the fact that Kate Bornstein (author of the first transfeminist workbook) supports genderqueer gender fuck trans mascs and FTM lesbians.

They just blatantly ignore what are probably the three main transfeminist scholars of our time, in favor of malgendering and misgendering trans men. While also calling every trans woman and transfem person that doesn't agree with them a 'pick me' or straight up misgendering them by claiming they aren't "really transfem" or that "no trans woman would ever say this, so it's clearly a dude lying about being a trans woman online" (hmm, where have I heard that before 🤔).

Transfem people are not and never will be our enemy. I have always been very clear on that and it needs to be ingrained in everyone's head. Transfeminism is not the enemy and never will be our enemy.

Are some transfeminists actively transandrophobic? Yes. Are some transfems actively transandrophobic? Yes. Are they the majority? No!

A sad vocal group of them are loud and mean and exist in a cult like community with each other. Which creates an environment where unlearning anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia is difficult and comes at the cost of loosing their community. Which is one of the reasons why I disavow callout posts against them, as it will only drive then further into those insular groups and that separatist mindset.

Choosing to group all transfems and transfeminists with that vocal minority is 100% transmisogyny, there is no excuse for it and it is not a valid form of "activism".

The majority of people who are actively transandrophobic or who are pushing anti-transmasculinity are cisgender people. That has always been the case and it has not changed, becouse cis people are the ones given the structural power to do the most amount of material oppression.

If a transfem person is being transandrophobic or participating in other forms of anti-transmasculinity, try talking to them and explaining why what they're saying is harmful. If they refuse to have a conversation or they double down then accept that you won't change their mind right now and either walk away from them or if you're online block or mute them. You don't need to screenshot them and you don't need to write a callout post. There are far more effective ways of combating anti-transmasculinity then harassment or public shaming rituals.

If you listened to transphobes, you might assume that the whole concept of “separate toilets for women” was designed with women’s safety in mind - and it was, but not in the way you might think. 

Gender-segregated bathrooms emerged in the late nineteenth century and early twentieth century (so around the time women were entering the workforce in greater numbers in the US and Europe). But the idea behind that wasn’t rooted in empowerment or feminism: 

Women were seen as fragile and weak. Public spaces (and especially higher education or the workforce) were considered unsuitable for women. So, it was believed women needed separate “restrooms”, assuming they might faint due to their naturally "delicate" health.

Separate bathrooms limited women’s access to education, work, and public life. This may seem counterintuitive at first glance, so let me explain: women’s restrooms were often located inconveniently… subtly discouraging women from staying in public spaces for extended periods. This was not about women’s safety, but about men wanting control over women. 

In Victorian ideals, women were supposed to be modest and “pure”, and this meant that they had to occupy distinctly different spaces than men . Separate bathrooms were a way of reinforcing their “proper” roles in society, emphasizing that their “real” place is in the home rather than in public or professional spaces.

The argument that we need “women only” bathrooms to protect women is not rooted in history or evidence. They were born out of sexism, not safety. 

With all my love, 

🚨Safety Alert Australia

If you rely on a hidden phone for your safety, be aware that Australia’s new emergency warning system, AusAlert, can send alerts that override silent and “Do Not Disturb” settings.

If safe to do so, turn off any hidden device before the scheduled test and only switch it back on after the test period has ended.