Alright folks, after 5 years it finally happened, no more job, no more money. To avoid the anxiety and boredom, I shall return to my old ways and be a full-time tumblr/ao3 user, writing absurdly long metas, answering weird/interesting asks, arguing with people, creating pure degeneracy through my zucest fics, and getting death threats from angry zutara fans.
To help your local autistic weirdo out, donate on my ko-fi page. Brazil's money isn't worth anything so 10 or even 5 dollars can buy me a good meal or pay the internet bill for the month.
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I don't mean to sound offensive, but following your ask post about neurodivergent grief (https://hello-nichya-here.tumblr.com/post/820138164207370240/what-would-you-say-to-people-who-the-fact-theyre),
I do not reckon it's ableist to refrain from having biological children because of fear that they will inherit your autism and be on an even more severe side of the spectrum. If one isn't ready for a disabled child, they are not ready for a child. I recommend watching this YouTube short to see what I mean better: https://youtube.com/shorts/mzqW_7QOUxA?is=9Cr4mlyMipiKhw3Z
The post is not about having kids at all, be the parents or the kids neurotypical or neurodivergent. I didn't mention kids or parenthood once. It's fucking exhausting to have every conversation about BEING autistic be turned into "But have we considered how THE PARENTS AND CARETAKERS feel?" when that is literally the MAIN thing every fucking research and charity focuses on.
Not everything is about the parents, no, not even when said parents are disabled themselves, stop centering every conversation about disability on "But who is being inconvenienced by taking care of this disabled person?" and stop assuming said disabled person is always a fucking kid.
I made a simple, complete statement of "Not being born neurotypical isn't some sort of obligatory requirement for a good, happy life and thus you're not doomed to misery if you don't meet it, and being born without any kind of disability doesn't prevent you from becoming disabled later due to accidents or illnesses, look at big picture, please, humans are meant to take care of each other"
I did NOT at any point say to police (neurodivergent or neurotypical) people's choices on whether to have kids or not (be it because they fear that the kid might be disabled or not), or that being disabled/the caretaker of someone who is disabled is always a walk on the park and everyone is obligated to sign up to fully devoting themselves to taking care of someone with a disability.
You still felt the need to tell me "But even autistics don't want disabled kids! Don't you think people are allowed to not want disabled kids? Have you considered saying that some people are better off not having disabled kids? I think you should say people have the right to not want to take care of disabled kids."
There was no reason for your mind to immediately go there in a post that was about how EVERYONE in the entire human race needs help at some point and people don't become a burden or a living tragedy just because their reason is "I'm on the spectrum" and it IS ableist to see someone say "Autism is not the end of the fucking world, can we stop pretending it is?" and immediately try to find a kind of autism that people are allowed to not want to deal with.
Anon, my dear, you got no idea the type of autism you've unleashed. I got A LOT to say about how these two show/understand affection, how the ways they differ on those aspects hurt their relationship significantly, and how, as usual, Ozai is a core reason for the problem.
Onto the analysis!
Words Of Affirmation
Zuko, Prince Zuko, you're a lot of things, but you're not a traitor, are you? [...] I need you, Zuko [...] Today, you restored your own honor.
Where They Overlap: Due to growing up with abusive/negletcful adults, they both have Words Of Affirmation as the absolute main way they want/need someone's love to be shown to them. A sincere "I care about you. You did well. I'm proud of you" is THE way to make them let their guard down. Unfortunately this also means they're both very vulnerable to be emotionally manipulated by anyone who knows what they want to hear.
They're both also VERY literal (see Azula not getting what "partying from dusk till dawn" and all the dozens of scenes of Zuko not understanding a word that comes out of Iroh's mouth) and somewhat socially inept (Azula less so in military/royal contexts), so being direct is the best way to get them to understand things
Where They Differ: While neither of them is above copying Ozai's manipulative tendencies (see how Zuko behaves in the pirate episode), Azula uses both lies AND the idea that she's always lying as means of control, of feeling like she's more poweful, which Zuko actively resents, not only due to trust issues but because, unlike his sister, he doesn't really care what is or isn't appropriate to be said.
Zuko can't really compartimentalize that well, so instead of holding back until it is appropriate to voice a negative or positive feeling (or even to EXPERIENCE said feeling) like Azula does, his emotions will spill into one another leading to Freudian Slips ("Father Lord"), contradictions between what he says VS what he does, as well as endless monologuing and one-sided "conversations" in which he isn't really listening to the other person so he can try and process things out loud.
Interesting to note that Azula begins to develop a lot of the same tendencies post-breakdown, especially in Spirit Temple, as all the conflicting emotions she hadn't been allowing herself to feel for literal years have finally caught up with her.
Azula also has the bad habit of using the very idea that she's a liar to diminish any kind thing she says, because caring is "weakness."
The (Literal) Language Of Hostility: Insults, verbal abuse and complete dismissal of the other's emotional state. Zuko seems particularly vulnerable to this (likely due to the "lucky to be born" incident), to the point of being easily triggered by things that people said without any intention of hurting him, while Azula usually doesn't react at all unless it hits a very specific nerve of either Daddy or Mommy Issues.
They can also get self deprecating when feeling low (Azula calling herself a monster everyone fears, Zuko saying he's stupid, bad at being good and at that everything blows up in his face).
Interestingly, when this defense mechanism of verbal abuse towards others is combined with the tendency of trying to untangle their mixed emotions through talking, we see things like Spirit!Temple Azula being completely unable to shut up about Zuko even when the situation has nothing to do him, or Zuko full on projecting all the jealousy, admiration and resentment he feels for Azula onto Aang in the North Pole.
Their Attempt To Meet Halfway: Moments of vulnerability and sincerity from Azula, ocasional leaps of faith from Zuko, and thicker skin from both, particularly Zuko, even the other says something REALLY messed up ("Make sure the royal painter gets your good side").
What They Actually Need: Honest communication. No secrets, no lies, no broken promises, no hiding when something bothered them or dismissing each other's feelings, and in Zuko's case, no more expressing admiration solely through jealousy. The relationship needs to become a reliable source of comfort, not a "Every now and then I take a risk on this, and sometimes it actually pays off." More trust, less mind games and paranoia.
Acts Of Service & Gift Giving/Receiving
Where They Overlap: Once again, thanks to growing up with an abusive parent that will give them conditional affection based on how their acomplishments (or lack there of) reflect on him, both of these disaster siblings have DEVOTION (primarely through Acts Of Service) as the main way they show affection towards someone, as they believe there's a direct cause-and-effect between being useful (and sometimes an ass kisser) and being loved.
But due to also being literal royalty, these two are quite spoiled, and have both explicitly said they believe people should just give them anything they want/need and that worshiping the ground they walk on is an obligation, and thanks to tons of imperialist proganda, they fully believe they're entitled to just take whatever they want from literally anyone, including other family members, because might makes right.
And abstract things like "obedience" and "company" are very much included in that "taking what they want from people" because the level of devotion they were raised to expect almost fully denies any humanity from the other person. There's a reason Azula called the Dai Li souvenirs. That depersonalization is one half of why Gifts and Acts Of Service are blended in their minds, since both are processed as "Object I like because it does X."
The other half being that, as royals, getting stuff usually isn't that difficult for them, so the very concept of a gift being special cannot exist without it being attached to a different concept that they grasp better.
It really shows that they grew up with an egocentric abuser, and a lot of the most morally reprehensible things they've done in the story were direct results of them embracing Ozai's mentality of "Everybody owes me everything so I don't really have to vallue their efforts, but since I don't owe anybody anything, I should be applauded for every good deed I do for others, no matter how small". Hence Zuko turning to Iroh for help after literally getting the man arrested.
It also explains them not taking it well when their gifts/services are rejected (see Azula's genuinely offended "I am not a messanger, I didn't have to come this far" when Zuko isn't grateful enough at the bullshit good news she gave him that he's Totally Allowed Back Home). It insults their egos AND hits them right in the trauma of "I need to be useful, otherwise I'm screwed"
Where They Differ: Zuko is not good at getting more abstract stuff. Don't get me wrong, he can understand "Having rare/expensive things shows your social status" (he uses "peasant" as an insult just as much as Azula does after all), but aside from the knife he got from Iroh, and that he tried to give to Lee, Zuko doesn't really seem to instinctively grasp that what makes a gift emotionally satisfying changes depending on context.
He gives Iroh, mister "I don't even want to be Fire Lord, I just want a teashop. By the way, can not rob the people who just helped us?", a bunch of stolen expensive items, most of which have no real practical use at that time and that it's likely unsafe for them to be traveling with. It doesn't matter that it's impractical and not his uncle's style, Zuko's pride took a massive hit, so he was trying to deal with it through having those luxuries despite no longer being a prince, and because he cared about Iroh, he did the same for him.
He light up those fountain lights for Jin because she explicitly said it was something he liked, then killed the mood of this own romantic gesture because "Ah yes, must hand her a cupon, this is definetely what she wants right now." He gave Mai a pretty seashell after she bitched about Li and Lo's beach house decoration because, in his head, it was still a simple "Pretty object, pretty girl, give pretty object to pretty girl", because HE very much operates under the mentality that being given literally anything is good, even if you don't even want it or like it, out of the sheer principle of "I now have one more thing that I can say is mine and show off."
We also Zuko pampering Mai by having her servants, at her house, bring her dessert that was already hers. It was HIS initiative to go ask for it, therefore it's HIS gift to her (and at that point Mai was more used to Zuko Logic, so she apprecited it for what it was).
Now, Azula is not fully devoid of that "I grabbed you a glass of water so you wouldn't have to get up from your seat, you should pat me on the head now" instinct, quite the contrary. Ozai manipulated her in the finale by making her believe he was giving her a super important mission that only she could be trusted with by *checks notes* staying the fuck out of his way.
BUT there's a reason this happened with Ozai, and it's the same reason why she tends to go easier on Zuko than on most people. They're the Fire Lord and his heir. The only two people who rank above a princess, aka her, in the Fire Nation hierarchy. She understands the expectation of being grateful to them, of planning her acts and gifts to them more carefully so it's all exactly as they'd want it to be (and I suspect Azula being the spare, on top of the Golden Child he envied, is part of why Zuko doesn't really reciprocate her gifts/acts of service towards him).
With everyone else? She takes the approach of "I am a God blessing you." In her mind, when she's doing something like forcing Ty Lee out of the circus to join her on a mission, she's giving her the greatest gift, rewarding her for years of friendship (and competence), and ascending her status by raising the bar of what is expected of her. She can understand abstraction just fine, but the elistim and condescention makes her unable to separe what someone genuinely wants/needs from what she believes they should want/need.
Her thought process is more complex than Zuko's bare bones understanding of "Gifts and kind actions can be exchanged for hugs and smiles", but it doesn't mean it isn't just as self-centered, ambition-driven, yet paradoxically naive.
The Language Of Hostility: Stealing from or fighting each other for something they both want (which they both very much process as "this was stolen from me by my sibling" when they lose said fight).
Their (Surprisingly Healthy) Attempt To Meet Halfway: Teamwork! Much easier to recognize the effort the other is putting in when you're working towards the same goal, and thus taking some of the burden off of the other's shoulders.
These two were getting along surprisingly well through most of the first half of Book 3. Why? Because Azula gave Zuko a chance to join her in Ba Sing Se and he took it. Because she said she was looking out for him in The Headband, not trying to hurt him or gain something, and he took her word for it that they were on the same side. Because he let her boss her around and even jump on his back in that game (that might as well have been a battle) at the beach, and then she got Chan to invite them both to his party and went to get Zuko when he was sulking. Because he turned to her for help when he needed to know what happened to Sozin.
They were making the conscious decision to ignore their Golden Child VS Escapegoat dynamic and it was paying off until Zuko pulled the redemption trigger and thus became Azula's enemy.
What They Actually Need (Besides What I Mentioned Above): A better understanding of how the other thinks, an effort to break free of their more condescending/ungrateful mentalities, and completely abandon this notion of "I am only deserving of love based on what I can accomplish." Zuko also needs to get better at reciprocating Azula's efforts.
Quality Time
Where They Overlap: Once again, their experience with abusive/neglectful adults is a core part of why this one cuts so deep for them. They genuinely need to feel like they aren't just being allowed to hang around, but that they're actively being chosen as company, that their represence is wanted and vallued.
They're both also the type that doesn't bother pretending they enjoy, or at least don't mind, somebody's company when that isn' the case (unless they have something to gain from it). This part of why them willingly, peacefully coexisting through most of the first half of season 3 says a lot about what their relationship can be like when there's pressure on it.
Where They Differ: Zuko, the banished prince, naturally has a bit more of a chip on his shoulder over being ignored/pushed away (though I'd say post-breakdown Azula has surpassed him in the "I don't cope well wth this shit" depaterment, again likely due to years of unprocessed emotions crashing down on her all at once).
Zuko is also way worse than Azula at pretending he isn't bothered by the company of someone he doesn't like, and while (pre-breakdown) Azula ignores people through just sending them away or turning her back and moving on like nothing happened, Zuko will scream "I'M IGNORING YOU", flip a table and slam a door on his way out.
Azula also seems to view toying with/taunting Zuko as an excellent way to spend quality time together, which he actively resents.
The Language Of Hostility: "I don't want to play with you!", "In MY country...", Zuko seemingly not leaving a goodbye letter to Azula on the day of the eclipse, and "I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child!"
We also have the one case in which a form of hostility was literally imposed on them due to Zuko's banishment, cutting them off from each other completely for 3 whole years, and I've always believed that Zuko's relentless determination to be allowed home again is part of why Azula goes easier on him than she does on most people, and why she was much more hostile after his redemption. He was fighting tooth and nail to get back into that abusive home, not to leave it, and her, behind, until suddenly he wasn't, what a traitor.
The Gene Yang comics take this shit to the next level by having Zuko throw her in an abusive asylum to rot, because much like he doesn't get that Zuko has nothing to learn from Ozai and shouldn't be kneeling before this abusive fucker to ask advice on how to be a good ruler, he doesn't get that ATLA isn't the DC universe, the Fire Nation is not Gotham, and there's no place for Arkham in this story. Fuck that guy. Somehow managed to take an L in an area where even Shyamalan caught a W.
Their (Super Codependent) Attempt To Meet Halfway: Bordeline pathological inability to separate their perception of themselves from each other.
The Golden Child is only truly special because there's a Escapegoat being compared to her. Though in her ideal world, said escapegoat is happy to see her, doesn't have a scar, and seems younger than he should be, like he's still the kid she remembers.
The honorable hero needs a deceitful villain to be his foil - and sometimes the obviously evil advisor that he keeps around for reasons even he doesn't seem to understand, because resisting temptation is honorable, and how will you be tempted without a devil on your shoulder?
Zuko also has the very noticeable pattern of projecting Azula, and his frustrations towards her, onto others (something I'll explore further in a different post dedicated solely to this bizarre, recurring theme in his arc).
Aang, of course, is the most obvious exemple of it since Zuko was aware of it for once and was kind enough to say it out loud - and, ah, the wonders of Zuko Logic. "This person reminds me of the sister I don't like and don't want anything to do with. HE'S COMING WITH ME WHETHER HE LIKES IT OR NOT. I'm nothing like either of them. I had a dream in which I became him. I almost died just to get to this person. I helped my sister kill him. Oh shit, this guy is my friend now. Let me go hide with him in the old family beach house where I shared some good memories with the sister I Totally Do Not Miss"
We also have the rare interesting move by Gene Yang, since Zuko is a very devoted older brother to his little sister Kiyi... who just happens to call him "Zuzu" and came into his life literally at the same time Azula fucked off to the woods. Ah, if only he had leaned into the psychological implications of it all and then made Zuko realize he won't find closure with Azula through anyone other than Azula herself, instead of going "Azula is crazy for thinking everyone is replacing her with Kiyi, even though that is indeed what is going on"
What They Actually Need: To let go of the idea that they're doomed to be rivals/enemies OR that the only way to be in each other's lives is through brute-force, and to be freed of the writers stop listening to misguided adults that are constantly responding to "She's my sister and I should try to get along with her" with a "No, she's crazy and needs to go down".
(Anybody remember Zuko bitching at Mai for not being highstrong and CRAZY at The Beach? Anybody else is also kept up at night by this? No? Just me? Okay)
Physical Touch
(Ah, the temptation to just use a picture of the Bedroom Scene and leave it at that XD)
Where They Overlap: They both want a hug and they both NEED a hug. They're not gonna ask for it, though. Can't let people (aka dad) know they care, or they'll be shot down and made fun of.
Where They Differ: During Book 1, Zuko seemed to have a bit of problem getting comfortable with hugging even his uncle. This gets better in Book 2, and the problem seems fully gone right at the start of Book 3, and doesn't seem to ever come back. This was likely a consequence of having been literally disfigured by his father.
Azula also has some degree of formality remain present when showing physical affection to her friends (they bow before actually hugging her as a show of respect), and full on replacing physical affection when it comes to her father.
The only two characters we see her exchange any form of physical affection with, devoid of that element of "One doesn't simply touch royalty like that" were Chan (who was deliberately not made aware of Azula's status exactly because she wanted to avoid the element of fear, though her personality did the trick just fine)... and Zuzu, the brother she got really touchy with in her bedroom, inspiring a ton of porn, because somehow that scene was way more sexually charged than any interactions with the guy we explicitly see her kiss.
The (Most Unhealthy) Language Of Hostility: Literal fire daggers, lightining through the chest and a raging inferno of flames all around because all the frustration in that relationship has to find an outlet, and violence is super normalized in their home and country.
Once again, Gene Yang has to make things worse through Zuko literally almost throwing Azula off a cliff, even though he's supposed to be redeemed and moving on from anger and reckless violence, because he doesn't get that Azula isn't the Joker and Zuko isn't Batman. Once again, how do you fuck up more than Shyamalan
Their Attempt To Meet Halfway: Freudian Bullshit because, again, all those feelings of frustration, neglect and need for connection have to find some outlet. Even a socially unnacceptable one.
What They Actually Need: A big damn hug, headpats and crying on each other's shoulder. A non-human, non-sibling-shapped punching bag would also help. Plus a safeword and aftercare in all the smutty fics.
Do you think Mai or Ty Lee were ever in the wrong when it came to Azula? It's a fact that Azula wasn't the best of friends to them, but what about these two?
The closest I can think of is when they weren't really being appreciative of her efforts to make everyone get along and enjoy their vacation during The Beach but honestly everyone had shit going on during that episode and it's addressed.
Outside of that, they never did anything 'bad' to her until Azula has long crossed enough lines to make it justified.
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Unironically me when Bolsonaro became an actual presidential candidate, I immediately went from "Lula is no saint, he did good things but worshiping him makes no sense" to "GET THE FUNNY OLD DRUNK OUT OF PRISON AND PUT HIM BACK ON THE PRESIDENTIAL CHAIR RIGHT THIS SECOND!"
he was there during siege of the North. he infiltrated the spirit oasis. he has an uncle who studies spirits and the spirit world. he watched the sky go dark then the moon suddenly reappear like everyone else in the entire world did. and most importantly he watched zhao get eaten by a giant godzilla fish spirit.
Also, Iroh was there? He literally watched Sokka make out with the moon spirit. And you want to tell me that a romantic sap like him would not have immediately told Zuko about this romantic tragedy? Please, Zuko has known about this for ages, he just knows that this is not an acceptable situation in which to say “yeah, I know.”
do you think Ty Lee is actually as easy and promiscuous as she's been made out to be in fanon?
Hell no. We don't ever even see her so much as kiss a boy, and are shown that, the second any guy wants something beyond some VERY casual and rather tame flirting (no innuendos, no excessive touch, just compliments and smiles), she's backing out and running on the opposite direction - after beating him up if he gets pushy.
"Slut Ty Lee" being so wide-spread is one of the most clear cut-cases of "This fandom doesn't rewatch the cartoon it claims to like and it shows"
It's so fucking wild that people are genuinely trying to pretend that talking about the fact that Ariana Grande has an eating disorder that she's promoting is somehow "anti-feminist" or "judging a woman for her body" or that she's totally only backing out of the spotlight a bit due ONLY to "psychological" pressure and not all because her body is reaching its limits.
She looks like she's been starved and she's pretty deliberately drawing attention to it (in music videos and pictures that are CLEARLY very public thinspo/body checks), was not the only one in the Wicked production that suddenly lost a shoking amount of weight, and she keeps saying "I'm totally healthy" and acting like her having had different health issues in the past means there's nothing wrong about what's going on right now. This is classic ED behavior.
Anorexia is a horrible mental illness that gets WORSE the more people ignore that someone has it, and the more those around her let refuse to try and snap her out of her delusion, the more risk Ariana is at of doing permanent damage to herself or even dying. That is a fact, I don't care what her twitter stans say.
A globally known star trying to pass off her ED not only as normal, but as HEALTHY and doing her thinspo/body checks in front of the whole world has scary fucking potential to do crazy damage to people in a vulnerable mental state.
Being appalled by this is NOT the same as shaming a woman for the body she naturally has. This is a woman that is visibly not well and has reached the point of DELIBERATELY trying to get more people into the same hell hole because that's a well-documented phenomenom among people who suffer from EDs, they NEED an echo-chamber full of only enablers and other people with the same disorder.
Ignoring the problem is only going to hurt more women, including Ariana herself. Not accepting the absurd narrative that someone fucking killing themselves in front of our eyes while screaming "LOOK AT ME!" is somehow "none of our business" is not the same as being one of the fucking weirdos that are counting every visible bone in her body and making entire blogs dedicated to their """""concern"""" that is just promoting what she's doing and getting off on it.
(Weirdos that, once again, she's actively trying to get that kind of attention from, hence the damn thinspoe pictures, because no one around her seems to be interested in stepping in and protecting her).
The hardest parts on her recovery can only be taken by Ariana herself, but that doesn't mean people don't have the right, and the responsibility, to say "What's happening to her isn't normal and is not an isolated, personal thing, and anyone who tells you otherwise is either extremely ignorant or acting out of malice."
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Do Azula/Zuko ever do something that cringes the other out or are they immune to each other's cringe?
They maximize their cringe abilities by joining forces. Their secret? Not being aware that their drama queen tendencies are almost killing everyone with the second-hand embarassement.
