Too tired

i lied. i don't like sex. sit down were going to watch entirety of ghost files

i want a shirt that says “eat or die” because at first it sounds rebellious but its just a reminder

Somebody give this ignoramus a piece of actual shark skin and tell him to rub his face with it, let him find out just how “smooth” sharks really are.

Somebody did. I use it as a pillowcase because it’s so smooth.

Buddy. It’s smooth. The link you sent me led to a website that described how smooth they are. I dunno, maybe you don’t know how to read?

this post is transcendent

the Cullens would have to stop going to high school bc gen z is too powerful and would sniff out their obviously bizarre immortal energy in seconds like bloodhounds and expose them as literal vampires within days

like I'm barely gen z but these teenagers are on a totally different level of unhinged funny I've seen their tik toks. the Cullens literally don't stand a chance they're just gonna have to settle one day for a small school where everyone acknowledges that those are the vampire kids. and they all agree to just not tell anyone like the crowd in the Hannah Montana movie.

Edward Cullen getting bullied by gen Z'ers in the hallways being called "sucker" because he rambled on for 30 minutes in history class about world war one until someone snapped said "ok we get it Nosferatu you were there and fucked Ferdinand himself"

I'm living for this twilight resurgence holy shit

Appreciate the fucking aspec nonbinary representation fuckers

This is beautiful.