Damn Near Perfect

The most PATHETIC lil baby sounds...

I love when little creatures who are entirely loved and well cared for have the BIGGEST baby reactions to normal things. Like yes sweet pea, you DO have the hardest life of anyone ever, for sure, and you’re SO BRAVE about this minor inconvenience of *checks notes* having some water touch you

There is nothing sadder and more pathetic than a baby marine mammal having to get into the water. They are suffering the most out of any baby animal ever. How dare they be introduced to their natural environment.

There was really no winning that one

what if you invited so many workplace violations in your gameshow that your employee asked your wife how big her dick was. wouldn’t that be a crazy way to start a season. you’d probably save that episode for like the middle right. ease new viewers in? or…. no? first episode? oh oka- hey man did you ask any lawyers abt this? three??? girl that can’t be right.

this makes me less sad every time I see it no matter how sad the rest of the world is making me

[ID: photo of a brown horse standing on the flat roof of a white square building, with text edited over the sky saying, "i will always succeed because i am insane". /end ID]

"'I don't know' isn't an answer" alright man then I'll just. Fuckin. Enter my philosophical mind-palace and check the fuckin akashic records. Real quick lemme just catch and cook and eat the Salmon of All Knowledge. Tell me ur question again so I can real quick climb to the highest branches of the Yggdrasil and lay it at the feet of Freda the all-wise Queen of Heaven. Dickhead.

the world's smallest carnivore is called the "least weasel" 😭😭 i'm dying but like if it's the smallest carnivore then it sure is the least amount of weasel you can have 😭😭😭

He’s is both the least and the most simultaneously. Excellent predator.