May Your Organs Fail Before Your Dreams Fail You

we used to turn on the TV and just watch music videos for a couple of hours. not so much anymore

things used to be $5

“I’ve managed to resist my cannibalistic instincts and refrain from devouring my wife, but I don’t know how much more I can take. Perhaps looking at my neighbor’s beautiful, blossoming tree will ground me…”

i'm like if someone who was incredibly clingy and obsessive was also incredibly avoidant and elusive

Do hackers not understand how much sloppy they would get for eliminating all student loan debt

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

a hoe never gets lyme disease