Cyberbullying support

INDEX FILE (this file) - the whole file is here (Similar to this post) 

Jessica/heisperfect file @heisperfect

Kana (forlornwind)  file @forlornwind

Calis (asaraltu, chalabrun) file @asaraltu @shikkotsunin @fusong @chalabrun

Notification: If parties wish, I will delete any sensitive information if asked. I will also delete these files if the other party will do the same.  I only do this to clear my name, not to smear theirs and I will gladly deal with this in private. 

Here’s a reminder for anyone who follows me:

You are human. You will make mistakes at some point. Some mistakes will be worse than others. Some mistakes might even hurt other people.

The important thing is that you learn from these mistakes. The important thing is that once you know why they are harmful or what was wrong, you do your best to not repeat them. The important thing is that you try to help fix the harm you’ve done (if any). The important thing is you forgive yourself and let yourself grow.

I’ve made mistakes. Too many to count. And I don’t want to count them anyway. And it’s hard sometimes for me to forgive myself, and it’s hard to move on, but I have to. And maybe I can help others learn not to make the same mistakes. And maybe when they do make those mistakes I can be a safe person for them to confide in and I can help them understand that the world doesn’t hate them for that mistake, and that they are loved. Because they are.

Hi there,

You're very welcome! And I’m sorry you experienced the effects of burn blogs in the past. I’ve had similar worries, as have most of my friends, I’m sure.

I feel like the publicity and namedropping with burn blogs always leads to trouble. It’s too easy to abuse them, and it creates too much division and distrust in the community. When a burn blog appears, many people become fearful that something will be posted about them, even if they were not involved in anything. They need to stay on their toes all the time, in case they suddenly need to do damage control and protect their reputation. There’s a lot of anxiety involved, and it’s not fun for anyone! Unlike an anonymous blog, which people can either follow or easily ignore, burn blogs are very hard to ignore because of the threat of being namedropped and harassed. Even if someone did have a rocky interaction with another mun, those kinds of things are not meant to be aired like dirty laundry. Both muns need to be given the chance to move on and grow.

Because of that, it’s hard to justify the existence of burn blogs - especially when anonymous confession blogs are available, which don’t namedrop people and because of that, don’t guarantee drama either.

Burn blogs don’t just harm innocent muns if others believe the accusations in the submission. They also harm muns where the accusations are clearly false. Because once someone’s name is dropped in a burn post, legitimate accusation or not, their name is now connected to “drama”. The mere association of someone’s name with “drama”, stemming from them being in a burn blog, deters other muns from interacting with them. It’s valid for people to avoid muns connected to drama, because we don’t often know the full story, and even trying to learn the full story can be harmful to our mental health! So many of us will choose to avoid the entire situation, rather than taking chances with either side. Unfortunately, burn blogs exploit this natural, valid reaction, and every mun who is targeted suffers. Being in a burn blog vs. a callout is very similar because of that, even if the latter is less “official”. And most of the time, the accusations in burn blogs don’t warrant the muns being namedropped at all. That’s why I feel it’s better to vent about things anonymously.

Of course, anonymous confession blogs can hit speed bumps, too! Over the years, I’ve seen a few incidents where muns came across a confession blog, suspected a post was about them, and deliberately chose to reveal themselves. And things spiralled pretty quickly. But if that ever happens here, I’m prepared to step in and block the person at once, because it’s against the rules here. Why? Because if someone “outs” themselves, this blog is no longer an anonymous venting space, but a callout or burn blog instead, and we don’t want that! Even if someone does suspect a confession is about them, they can take comfort in knowing that uninformed parties will never learn who they are, because their name is not attached to the post. They’re in the clear, unlike with a burn blog.

This leads me to a key distinction between anonymous confession blogs and burn blogs: burn blogs seek to provide catharsis through ostracizing muns, and shaming them, and there’s even an element of revenge to it. But anonymous confession blogs provide catharsis through, you guessed it: discussion without the public shaming and revenge. There’s a difference between what they hope to achieve on a basic level.

The goal with RPC was to strike a balance between allowing as many people to vent as possible, about as many topics as possible, while still providing safety and anonymity for the askers and subjects. Burn blogs, and incidents with past confession blogs, were both taken into account! That is why RPC will:

- Never post confessions with names or urls in them - Never post callouts - Never let callout-promoting blogs follow us - Never make or engage with burn blogs - Never force people to come off anonymous - Never engage in public fights with people - Never allow people to reveal themselves as the subject/sender of a confession - Never use statcounter, freehostedscripts, or other trackers to identify visitors (check out our source code!)

So yes - slander, namedropping, and publicizing subjects in any way will never be permitted here. My observations of burn blogs were part of the reason behind this decision. I hope it puts your mind at ease!

Not just the kind that happens when someone is forced to bend to the hate mob outright; I'm talking about the kind that happens even if you fight it, and even if you "win". Because these callouts aren't just about that initial attack and the individual, or even community-level response to the accusations contained in them. They're about doing long-term damage; they're about inflicting trauma.

It doesn't matter how many people you block, how successfully you ignore it, or how provably, laughably false their accusations are to anyone who gives half a shit or has half a braincell to work with. The point is not to get you to admit defeat, or even to acknowledge them.

It's to silence you, hurt you, and control you.

Weeks go by without a word more on the situation, and even though you're ostensibly fine, you are just... exhausted. It is completely and utterly exhausting to even think about speaking, and not just about the subjects that people were to angry about last time; about anything. Putting energy and passion into something only for people to purposefully misinterpret and weaponize it against you is tiring, no matter the scale.

You write with the knowledge that someone is going to twist your words this way or that way, you edit with every possible misinterpretation playing out vividly in your head, you hit post feeling every pair of watchful eyes on you, you scroll through your notifications looking for anything that indicates any potential bad-faith reading you need to guard against, and you check your messages dreading the threats, violent wishes, stomach-churning accusations, guilt-trips, and emotional manipulation you can never show anyone; not only because it's too senselessly violent for anyone to have to see, but because you know that anything you say in response will just bring around even more of each and every one of the things you were worried about before you started writing that post in the first place.

It's trauma.

It's been silent for weeks, but the trauma is still there; and it'll remind you of its presence, too. A hateful message here, a concerned "heads up" forwarded to you there, it doesn't matter. Just enough that you remember what will happen to you if you step out of line again: speak too loudly, talk to the wrong person, say something too casually or too quickly...

And even if you don't feel it, the people around you do. They see how bad it gets, and they're (rightfully) afraid of becoming the next target. Or they're afraid of even getting involved, of trying to untangle the whole mess, picking the wrong side by accident, or saying the wrong thing. They see the panopticon you're in, the weight and stress and trauma of it, and even if it's subconscious, they don't want to touch it. They stay away from the thing that might hurt them, even if they're trying not to give in. It's just instinct.

Some of them will taste the artificial shame your name now carries on their tongues, even if they know it's unreasonable. Some small part of them maybe thinks, "Maybe they deserve this, just a little. Maybe they did do something wrong." Because the alternative- the reality that no amount of genuine innocence will save them if the wrong person notices them the wrong sort of way- is much, much harder to stomach. And that uncertainty makes them hold just those few more words back.

The silence is a slow, creeping inevitability. It doesn't matter how it started; the silence is how it will end.

Because it will always be easier to just... not. To quietly withdraw and find something new to be talk about instead. To give up fighting after you feel like you've "won", but before you're exposed to more hurt. And aren't there other things that matter more, anyway? Sure, you were once passionate about this- but if you can fool yourself into thinking you're giving it up for some natural, inevitable reason, maybe you can sneak off into the relative safety of obscurity without having to think too hard about it.

And there's no shame in that. In fact, it's almost certainly the healthy choice. But the fact of the matter is that they still silenced you.

"your actions have consequences" does not mean that you deserve any harassment or abuse now so don't question it and just let me use you as a punching bag, for example if you drop a vase so I start yelling at you

Have you ever considered that this person maybe simply didn't know?

Some words change their meaning and eventually are considered not appropriated anymore.

Maybe they are non-native and used an online translator.

I do know for example that "gypsy" is a word they will give you. It just happened a few weeks ago. A foreign person without any disrespectful thought used a translator to get their point across, but instead of cancelling them, somebody stepped forward and did the thing I am expecting more of you to do.

Instead of calling them out and cancelling them right away because you are assuming everyone everywhere knows perfect English and the correct and proper terms for everything you could teach them otherwise.

Get into their PMs or inbox, gently correct them and tell them why!

If you just get into their messages and scream at them, the only thing you are achieving is hurting them.

Your cancel culture completely prevents people from learning - especially if they didn't know something in the first place without giving them a chance or the benefit of a doubt.

Not everyone is American and not everyone is aware of the latest trends.

We’re sorry to hear about the anon hate creators have been getting! As such, we wanted to publish this little write up of what it happening, how it’s happening, and next steps. 

Creators are Receiving Anon Hate

Why really isn’t important. Anon hate isn’t useful to address any problems you may see with a creator’s work, it is being used instead to bully and harass people out of fandom spaces, many of whom use fandom as an escape. In fact, anon hate has targeted many people in marginalized and vulnerable populations.

If you are writing someone on anon: 

Think about your purpose. What do you hope to accomplish? Are you looking to start a dialogue? Make someone feel bad? Make someone feel better? Anon is useful for some of those things. Not for others. 

Imagine how you would feel if you got the anon you are sending. 

Remember that sending anon hate is illegal in many places and can be met with real life consequences.

Consider whether the person you are writing anon to has other things happening that may be affecting them, such as a mental health diagnosis, physical illness, or emotional stressor. Imagine how your anon can impact all that. 

If you have sent something on anon that made someone feel bad:

It’s never too late to apologize. 

It’s never too late to stop. 

It’s no reflection on you, as a person, that you have made a mistake. We all do. Even if it was not your intention, you must take responsibility for what you have done. But you don’t have to let your mistakes define you. 

If you are receiving anon hate: 

Anon is a privilege, not a right. Turn it off if you need to and people will usually go away rather than attaching their name to the hatred. 

Block asks using the anon blocking option in Tumblr. 

Install a tracking software on your page. If you need assistance doing so, please DM this account or pop an ask attached to your name so we can answer privately. This account will not be answering asks publicly, nor will we be giving this information to those we believe are acting in bad faith. 

Check out the laws in your area and see what your recourse is. 

Take advantage of mental health resources if you need to. 

How do we solve the problem? 

We don’t know. All we know is we’re going to keep doing what we do over here - sending anon love every single day for the foreseeable future. If you would like to get involved, all you need to do is take the same pledge to go into your favorite people’s ask boxes and let them know how much you appreciate them. 

If you don’t want to do it yourself - pop their name in our box and we’ll see if we can’t add them to our list. 

And if you know someone who is participating in the anon hate - let them know your stance on it.