Headcanon: Hashirama's parenting
Hashirama's childhood shaped all parts of Hashirama's parenting. He grew up in an environment full of violence, fear, and death with a father who was abusive, emotionally neglectful, and cruel. His early years lacked a sense of safety, stability, and acceptance, which created a strong urge to break the cycle and an intense fear of repeating it.
Because of this, Hashirama often reminds himself of what it felt like to grow up without emotional or physical security. Any conflict with his child triggers a panic that he's becoming Butsuma.
After his children are born, he becomes hypervigilant about dangers, checking on them constantly and struggling to rest. His anxiety focuses on both physical and emotional safety. He's afraid that even one careless word could hurt them.
Before becoming a father, Hashirama was terrified of the possibility that he carried the same dark patterns as his father. That it was something genetic, inherited, something he couldn't control, something inevitable. The fear of repeating Butsuma's cycle scared him so much he refused to even think about having children for a long time. He knew he would love them, but he knew that love sometimes isn't enough to stop the toxic cycle. His father claimed to love his children, and yet he was cruel. That made Hashirama doubt that his own emotions could ensure safety.
That's why Hashirama avoids arguments, strict boundaries, or punishments. These behaviours remind him of his father. He avoids not only arguments with his children, but also arguments with other people when his children are present. He'd rather step back and apologize than make his child fear him.
Although Hashirama dislikes being touched, he allows his children to touch and hug him freely. Not because he enjoys it, but because he doesn't want them to carry his burdens. He wants to show his children that physical closeness can be safe, loving, and tender.
He constantly analyzes and dissects his behaviour around his kids. He often finds mistakes even where they don't exist, then he overcorrects and beats himself up for not being the perfect father. When he really makes a mistake, he implodes inwards. It confirms his darkest fears, and what he already believes about himself: that he's not a good father, and that he's unable to break the toxic patterns.
He tries to connect with his children emotionally. He becomes more protective when one of his children reaches the age of his own bad experiences; Hashirama becomes even more sensitive and protective, sometimes to the point of smothering them.
Becoming a father wasn't a matter of course for him, but it was an act to face his ugly past. His fear and anxiety are proof of his deep love and responsibility. With all that said, Hashirama loves being a father, he has always loved it, but his fear (PPA) sometimes makes him struggle. However, it also motivates him to be better and to be closer to his children.
Each of Hashirama's children responds to his parenting in different ways. Some are overwhelmed by his protectiveness, some feel comforted by his presence. One child might cling to him, seeking safety, while another might pull away, wanting more independence than he can give. Their different reactions sometimes confuse him, and he worries that he's failing them. It pushes him to understand them more individually and to grow.
In the end, he was able to create a safe and stable home full of love and safety that he never had growing up. He cares deeply about his family and wants to protect it.
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