hegollodobye

it's scary the amount of people who wholeheartedly believe that men and women are fundamentally different creatures

when youre aromantic you still get dead wife flashbacks but its just about that really fucking good sandwich you ate last week

good morning to horror fans, fat bitches, people with psychosis, they/thems, people who can’t drive, trans women, witches, and single dads. the rest of you... you’re on your own

such insolence... guards? seize her! ...no. stop. not like that. you are doing it gay. why are you seizing her gay style

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

Merry Fuckmas mates

(calm, rational) They all want to see me dead in a ditch

Having seen some births now i can say that dog birth is amazing cos they just slip n slide out one after the other like a little conveyor belt. And theyre so little and unformed. And then UNGULATE BIRTHS ... are amazing for the opposite reason which is that 10mins after being born they are filing their taxes. Unless they are goats, in which case they are committing tax fraud instead

Goats are what is called a precocial species, which means that shortly after birth they are able to do many thimgs on their own, such as standing, walking, eating, and embezzlement

give it up for girls with vaginas and boys with penises

pause i forgot cis people exist this was intended as a celebration of bottom surgery

This reminds me of a joke I have with two of my cousins

nearly had a medical emergency today because - and i cannot stress enough how little i am making this up - a helicopter landed in front of an open grain silo while i was getting off my ship and i am deathly allergic to the wheat that said helicopters rotor blades proceeded to blast in my face at full force. the cosmic forces are plotting against me ass situation to be in

we don't hate J.J. Abrams enough

My mutuals are both broke and kinky so I have no choice but to piss on the poor

How dare you say my reading comprehension is piss poor