Life is what you make of it

“And if he had grabbed me?”

There was nothing but uncompromising will in his eyes. “Then I would have torn apart the world to get you back.” Rhysand to Feyre, ACOMAF

I really want to talk about this line though; the meaning behind it; what it means for Feyre’s character arc and for Feyrhys as a ship. Feyre as a character, from the very beginning of ACOTAR is prestened to us as someone with very little self-confidence or self-worth. She doesn’t consider herself important; she doesn’t believe that she has any inherent value and the parallels that this draws out are just so much for her.

Consider: at the beginning of ACOTAR, we know that she’s the only thing keeping her family fed and alive. If she hadn’t taught herself how to hunt, if she hadn’t supported them that way they’d have died. Yet when Tamlin comes to her to kill her and then to take her away; take her back to the Spring Court (which incidentally is what we’re discussing above) none of them do anything; Nesta protects Elain, her father is silent until he urges her to go and not to come back.

But it’s not the fact that she was right it’s the fact that she knew, she knew they wouldn’t do anything, she knew they wouldn’t try and stop Tamlin from taking her away (the fact that Nesta does try, does try to cross the wall, to find her, to bring her home, is huge for their relationship development but Feyre remains ignorant of it and it’s the assumption that no-one will try and protect her, try and save her, risk themselves or put themselves out for her that’s important here)

Then there’s her desperation to get back home, to return to fulfilling the promise she made to her dying mother; to keep them safe. That promise was the only thing that made Feyre something; it was the only time anyone looked at her and thought her capable, thought her worthy of notice. Feyre is the youngest sibling but it was she who was made to promise to keep the family safe and together; not her father, not Nesta, not Elain, her.

And that was important to her because it made her important. That promise; keeping that promise; was the only thing that gave her life; gave her purpose and meaning. It’s why she fulfilled it, despite her family’s complete lack of acknowledgement or gratitude for the fact that she was risking her life on a daily basis in order to keep them alive. She kept doing it because it made her something; it made her important; it made her matter.

And this is the reason she wasn’t content to sit at the Spring Court and wear fine clothes and let herself be pampered and live a life of indulgence and luxury. Those things don’t matter to her; what matters to her is mattering itself. She wants somewhere she has a place; she wants somewhere she has a purpose and she has neither at the Spring Court so she tries to leave; to return to poverty and scraping because she means something there. This meaning and importance to people; whether or not they outwardly appreciate it, is an insecurity that is built very deeply into the core of Feyre’s character.

When she sees the puca it takes the shape of her father; her crippled, elderly father who never lifted a finger to stop them starving, never tried, never fought the way she did, has made the journey here, has crossed the wall and journeyed into Prythian to save her. A puca tricks and lures someone with their deepest desires: Feyre’s deepest desire here is to matter enough to someone for them to come and save her; for them to risk themselves for her as she would and has risked herself for them. That’s all she wants: to matter to someone enough that they’d care that she was gone; enough that they’d care so much that they would try and find her and come to her aid.

But he doesn’t. And when she’s trapped Under The Mountain Tamlin doesn’t say two words to her. He doesn’t risk himself to even come and see her; the only time he dares approach her it’s so he can have sex with her. That’s it. He broods in silence and he does nothing; Lucien risks and suffers more for her; he comes to heal her when she’s hurt and he calls out a warning to her in her first task saving her life (which results in him being whipped by Tamlin)

But Tamlin doesn’t even make an effort; being watched too closely or not it again makes Feyre feel like she’s not important. It again puts her in the position of risking herself, selling herself, giving up various pieces of herself, sacrificing everything she is for someone who won’t do the same for her. She risks her life for him, she suffers for him, she kills for him, she dies for him but he won’t do the same for her. And she knows that.

Every significant relationship Feyre has had has been built up in this way; she risks herself for them and she knows they won’t do the same for her. Until Rhys. Rhys comes to see her in her cell Under The Mountain; Rhys finds ways to help her, to stop her shattering, to save her, no matter the risk to himself; Rhys gives her the choices that Tamlin denies her, he puts her well-being, health and happiness above his protective instincts; Rhys looks her in the eye and tells her he would tear the world apart to find her if she was taken from him; Rhys kneels before her and names her the High Lady of his court because she is his equal in every regard and if she would tear herself into shreds for him then he’d do no less for her.

Feyre and Rhys is so incredibly important for Feyre’s character development because it not only helps her to see how unhealthy her relationship with Tamlin was but it undermines the reasons that she was lured in to that relationship. Tamlin defended her, Tamlin loved her, loved her so much he became obsessively protective and valued that love over her and Feyre had never had anyone treat her with regard before so she was taken in by him initially.

But it takes Rhys, Rhys offering her choices, Rhys commenting on her health and well-being, Rhys treating her as an equal; his High Lady while Tamlin insists there’s no such thing, that she must always be beneath him, that she must never be equal to him in this relationship the way she’s never felt equal before. Tamlin will wrap her up in cotton wool until she’s smothered and call that love; Rhys will bow before her because she is his equal in every way; because whatever she would do for him, he would do for her and she knows that.

Feyrhys isn’t only important because of the choices that Rhys gives Feyre (which are incredibly important after the way Tamlin treated her) but it is also incredibly important because for the first time in her life Feyre feels worthy. Feyre feels wanted. Feyre feels important. Feyre matters. Feyre matters so much he would tear apart this world with his bare hands to get her back if she was taken against her will.