I Want To Believe 👽

Heaven being renovated:

–Gabriel trying to take down the (de)motivational posters and replace them with that kitten poster

–Beelzebub hoarding staplers so the angels can’t use them

–Michael desk sharing with Ligur and the two of them are the most efficient they’ve ever been

–Hastur highkey jealous of Michael (even tho he has no reason to be) and dragging Ligur off into a broom closet to remind him whose husband he is

–Uriel sitting on Beelzebub’s throne and Beez is like…as a Prince I am appalled…but as a lesbian I am DELIGHTED

–Dagon correcting Gabriel’s paperwork like NO WRONG WRONG WRONG DO IT AGAIN USE A PEN WRITE LEGIBLY WHY DID YOU DRAW A TRIANGLE YOU USELESS ANGEL

–Sandalphon being very confused by Legion…saying hi to them several times a day because he doesn’t want to be impolite! How many???? are you?????

–Gabriel being used as a footstool by at least 3 different demons, also being used to reach high shelves…tbh he’s never felt so useful!

Hell being renovated:

–Beelzebub looking around Heaven…this bitch empty! *yeets Gabriel*

–Hastur does not belong on a hoverboard

–Dagon is distressed over their filing system…it’s just…so bad. DAMN, Y’ALL LIVE LIKE THIS???

–Michael and Ligur still sharing a desk, still the only efficient motherfuckers in the joint

–Beelzebub has taken over Gabriel’s desk and replaced his ergonomic chair with their throne, flies buzz angrily around the office door when Beez doesn’t want to be disturbed

–Hastur finding out where the leak was coming from and refusing to do anything until it’s fixed

–random angels thinking Ligur’s a demon of lust because he’s so beautiful, Hastur being enraged like HE’S JUST BEAUTIFUL BACK OFF

–Sandalphon trying and failing to make small talk with Dagon and Hastur

–various angels being highkey into Dagon and their sharp shiny teeths

–Uriel has locked her office and put up a sign ‘by appointment only’

–Gabriel trying to figure out how many offices to give to Legion, but Gabriel can’t math

–Gabriel bringing Beez coffee all the time to the point that everyone thinks he’s been demoted

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

step one: bring an artefact capable of bestowing immortality to school, fully aware that this artefact is being coveted by an evil wizard

step two: hire shady guy to work at school, who may or may not be concealing said evil wizard underneath his turban

step three: set up series of puzzles with a difficulty level appropriate to, say, three eleven-year-old students, and put the artefact right in the middle. sit back. twiddle thumbs. get out popcorn.

step four: when all’s said and done, destroy artefact as planned and use this sequence of events as an excuse to award many, many points to own house, thereby winning House Cup and pulling a “haha gotcha!” on all the other houses, which you don’t particularly care about

My guilty pleasure is typical angel designs where it looks like a human with bird wings - I love the idea of the “human” part just being a shell/cocoon hiding the REAL angel.

Having been forced to deal with them and organizations like them, I can safely say “No.”

It is obscenely worse.

You see, any idiot can look at things like “we need a cure” and their anti-vaccination advocacy and realize how ridiculously stupid that it. 

But that’s not what they sell to children’s hospitals. Instead, they push extremely unconventional medications to “help” autistic children (usually by sedating them into a catatonic state). I mentioned earlier that Risperidol eases overstimulation, but Autism Speaks doesn’t like Risperidol because it’s not controlling enough.

Autism Speaks absolutely loves “treatments” and “counselling” based around controlling everything autistic children do. Stimming, self-coping mechanisms, even strange and oddball quirks like kids who wear gloves everywhere, all of these are taken from them and doled out as privileges. It’s all about turning anything an autistic child likes into something they can control.

They treat these children like fucking animals and really enjoy forced isolation as a punishment. The IWK has several “Secure Isolation Rooms” that they will place autistic children in their care into for hours at a time unsupervised when they start acting out. And not “having a meltdown and might accidentally hurt someone” kind of acting out, even just mouthing off or getting lippy with a nurse.

I am personally convinced that the whole “cure” motto is a sham, because studies into Autism long ago disproved the theory that it was something that needed curing. Autism Speaks behaves more like a eugenics organization. And they are slippery bastards about it too. 

I’ve had the displeasure of having to interact with them directly because they have such a stranglehold on Nova Scotia’s youth mental health that any counseling group inevitably gets calls from them. Speaking to them and hearing the tone with which they spoke about these poor kids made my fucking skin crawl.

If you’re an autistic child and they’re talking to your parents or counselor about you, they won’t even use your name. The Child, The Patient, and The Boy/Girl are all common ways to refer to these kids. On several occasions they’ve referred to some kid as “it.”

I’ve said before that Tumblr especially doesn’t quit know what Autism Speaks is, and that’s because their public persona is very carefully crafted. Their reputation is so cartoonish that doctors who don’t know better won’t believe it, and so they swoop in with a lot of pretty language and faux-politeness. The skeezy, contemptuous way they behave when they think they’re doing business is enough to make you fucking vomit.

You quickly learn why so many hospitals willingly work with them. They are very good at getting their claws into health care organizations because they have this almost sinister “Friendliness” to them, and when you combine this with the fact that a lot of child psychologists have absolutely no concern for the actual well-being of children (just making the parents happy so they continue footing the bill) you have a recipe for a truly horrifying experience.

I can’t fully articulate just how sickening they are. Take however bad you THINK they are, multiply it by a hundred, and then think about how Quentin Tarantino would inflate that to make a movie out of it.

That’s how fucking gross and vile they really are when they think nobody is watching.

anon prompted a short comic with a jealous crowley, though he’s less jealous here than pissed off

“Pronouns exist only to demote gender. That’s their purpose.”

Look, @dimitris670 , I don’t want to insult you by going full 3rd grade English class, but you don’t seem to have a very clear grasp on what a pronoun is or what its role is grammatically. A pronoun is a part of speech. It is a substitute for a noun in a sentence. This sentence contains a pronoun. So does this one. “This” is a demonstrative pronoun. Most English pronouns do not denote gender at all... here is an incomplete list of some you probably use every day:

it, they, she, he, you, me, I, we, us, them, yourself, myself, himself, herself, yourselves, themselves, ourselves, mine, your, his, her, him, their, our, ours, hers, theirs, its, this, that, these, which, those, who, whom, whose, whichever, whoever, whomever, anybody, anyone, anything, each, either, everybody, everyone, everything, neither, nobody, no one, nothing, one, somebody, someone, something, both, few, many, several, all, none, any, some, most

Each word refers to a noun. That’s the grammatical function of a noun. English has a handful of pronouns that imply the gender of an individual, but there are languages that lack that completely and use the same pronouns for everyone. Some languages gender words that English does not, and many of these languages treat the equivalents of “he” and “him” and “his” as neuter. Pronouns don’t “exist only to denote gender”, that’s just an occasional side-effect of a handful of English pronouns and absolutely not universal or their primary grammatical function.

Language is a human creation that we made up with our imaginations. It’s not natural law. We can change it or use it in new ways to communicate things that it does not already accommodate for. There are cultures where a person’s hairstyle is extremely important and represents all kinds of things about them—their gender, whether or not they’re married, their age, if they have children, if they are a twin. It used to be illegal in the USA for an otherwise feminine woman to wear trousers, because clothing is so deeply tied to gender. There are lines we consider uncrossable that other cultures and languages lack completely, and lines we now consider arbitrary that were unthinkable to the same populations a hundred years ago.