is it a bird is it a plane

sometimes older people get annoyed when i say "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" but the truth is it's literally not a problem

and sometimes you're not welcome

someone from 1997 wished me good luck. it’s like someone from so many years back knows your struggles and i just, i think i’m gonna cry

reblogging for luck from friend in 1997

Legitimately good example of how thorough you need to be to protect private information

Make it the cutest man car door hook hand

scientists are experimenting on cross-breeding a crab and a cheetah; things could go sideways real fast

I am deleting this app off my phone

i am banned from eating my herring inside. they make me eat it on the smoking area by the loading dock, under the theory that it already smells bad there. but it was raining today which was preventing my breakfast, so i was feeling sad and hungry and then i realized that there was a large cardboard box in the dumpster from a previous delivery. like a fridge sized box. so i fished it out of the dumpster, then tipped it on its side and had a nice little cardboard cave to watch the rain and eat my fish in. which was a great experience. very soothing. very zen. at least until the security guard from the day before stepped outside to smoke. then i tried hiding from him by crawling deeper in the box, which unfortunately did not work. instead he saw a sort of damp sniveling pale hairless creature eating fish in a box, and delivered the verbal killshot of "good morning, mr. smeagol." which is how my day was ruined before 8 am.

that’s her. the Task Manager

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

you're laughing. charles dickens had a son named plorn and you're laughing

Plorn

NICK I LOOKED IT UP AND SAW NOTHING OF THE SORT IS THIS A PRANK

technically his name was edward but everyone called him plorn

I have something worse

oh???

imagine getting stuck with the nickname Plorn

WHY WERE THEY SO CRUEL TO MY BOY PLORN

Born without a groove 😔

Its so beautiful that cats have their own special weed. Mother nature rewarding them for being the best animal