my role on tumblr dot com is to scroll through thousands of posts and only reblog the good ones for you to see like your personal tumblr pasta strainer
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@hardgarbage
my role on tumblr dot com is to scroll through thousands of posts and only reblog the good ones for you to see like your personal tumblr pasta strainer

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Love LITERALLY every post about how bad the casting for the new Mario movie includes a sidebar about “this does not apply to Jack Black, who is amazing and we’re all thrilled he’s here”
huge congratulations to drugs for continuing to win the war on drugs
girl what the fuck is even the theme of a midsummer night’s dream. is there even a lesson to be learned. is it just vibes or what
puck at the end of the play: god did you see that shit? insane, right? haha alright take it easy
having a lot of thoughts about this week’s ask polly

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for my fellow psychotics who struggle with thinking someone is in their house, a method I’ve found that really works are these guys:
i put them on my front door and anytime it opens they ring. that way if i think someone has broken in or i see someone who isn’t there i can think back to if the bells have rung, and if they haven’t i can assure myself it’s not real. obviously it’s not fool proof, like if you are prone to auditory hallucinations, but it has really helped me calm down in time to avoid major psychotic breaks. it’s a real lifesaver
nonpsychotics encouraged to rb
a similar thing that’s been great for me?
[ID: an adjustable door security bar. the bar is white metal with notches to adjust the length, one end is a square black plastic foot on the ground and the other is a curved black piece of plastic that rests below the doorknob. /end ID]
door security bars are pretty inexpensive (I got mine at target for like $25, but they also sell them at home depot, lowes, lots of places like that) & it has helped my paranoia so much since moving into my new place bc I can just. look at the door, & if the bar’s still there, I know no one has been in.
seconded, these are great! i have one for my bedroom, helps so much when sleeping
Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?
Genie: um
Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.
Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....
Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.
Genie, just staring at me
Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.
people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil
the only reason #cottagecore is considered a gen z thing is bc its a hashtag. it used to be called transcendentalism when offline men did it
Henry David Thoreau having all of his meals sent to him and laundry done while patting himself on the back for being such a back-to-the-land individualist: #simpleliving #aesthetic #waldenpond #cottagecore
thoreau over here like i live on my friend’s land for no rent and my mommy comes by to do my washing and bring me food and i regularly have gatherings of upwards of a dozen people in my tiny shitty cabin and many days i walk the mile to town to see my friends and the other townspeople, only some of who hate me for burning down 300 acres of woods that didn’t belong to my friend and that i feel totally chill about having burnt because who OWNS the woods, really? i mean other than my friend emerson, in whose woods i am living. anyhow i truly live the most constrained and ascetic of existences; if only all men would realise that they’re frittering their lives away in the details of the washing and the bills and the need to feed oneself or care about other people in any way
thoreau’s mother and sister and also ralph waldo emerson: really :/
also thoreau: hi my name is henry david woodsman isolationist thoreau and i have short, tree-brown hair and a bushy neckbeard and grey-blue eyes like the sky and the rivers and a lot of people tell me i think a lot like ralph waldo emerson (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). i’m not related to margaret fuller but i wish i was because she’s a major fucking genius. i’m a transcendentalist (in case you couldn’t tell) and i wear mostly practical clothing. i love old clothes and having my mother mend things for me instead of buying new. for example today i was wearing my patched jacket and trousers, and a hat and shoes. i was walking outside concord. it was storming so there was no sun, which i was very happy about, because i love brute nature. a lot of people shouted ‘woods burner’ at me. i put up my middle finger at them.
Ok def was not expecting this level of relatability
*submits this to the library of congress as a culturally, historically or aesthetically significant film*

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u ever wake up from a dream like “damn i guess i’m not coping with THAT as well as i thought i was”
have I heard recent fandom stuff? interesting question. the answer is I did my fucking time and now I universally unilaterally refuse to learn anything ever again. thank you
Unless!! it’s VERY funny
things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever
change the color used to highlight text on your laptop
move the pictures on your wall
stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all
slightly vary your commute, even just by one street
change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed
drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real
shower with the lights off, without music
buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room
start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing
wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night
listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015
Almost all of these are about variety. Humans need stimulation! We need enrichment! We literally cannot do the same thing every day!
The other day I was feeling miserable, so I hopped on a bus and rode it all the way back to where I’d started, and my brain, which had finally had some proper stimulation via new environments, was suddenly ready to go again!
This is why taking walks/drives and trying new hobbies are good for you! Don’t turn yourself into a sad zoo animal! You need some pumpkins to roll around in your enclosure!
ITS BACK!!!!!
god i fucking love the quote “dont turn yourself into a sad zoo animal” it has really inspired me!
this is what i am on tumblr for and it is even more important now during covid
you know when you’re a child and you’re like what’s the big deal what’s so wrong with leaving dirty dishes in the sink and then you’re an adult and the presence of dirty dishes that the other adults in the dwelling have left in the sink makes you homicidal
Soda was an effervescent corn-based drink that was popular during the height of the American Empire. Regionally known as pop or coke in some provinces, it was prepared by extracting corn sugars into a thick syrup to be mixed with water
Often dispensed from a many spouted font and served with small, rectangular blocks of ice. Some varieties of soda were thought to have energy enhancing properties.

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PREACH!
if you have to dumpster dive for kindness, that’s okay and it doesn’t make you a bad person. while obviously we’d all prefer to not have to sort through garbage in the middle of the night to find something edible, food is food
okay i know i said i was going to bed but instead of falling asleep i was just laying awake thinking of this so
this:
plus the whole “my mom’s boyfriend hit me but he was also nice” is straight up enabling psychological abuse.
do you not see how fucking insensitive that is?
is in response to me saying this:
my mother’s boyfriend used to hit me on top of just being an asshole
he taught me how to know the perfect time to flip a pancake and after the first snow of the year when i was seven he built a snowman with me that was just as tall as i was.
i don’t really talk about about my mom’s boyfriend abusing me because … why the fuck would i? honestly i don’t think i’ve ever mentioned it on tumblr before, but in that post it was really important to me that people understand that, hey - i get it. sometimes life is shit, but you can find goodness despite that, even when your circumstances are terrible
clearly that fucking failed because of shit like this
it is absolutely wild to me that anyone thought that it was acceptable to tell me that talking about things i’d found to bring me happiness as a literal child while i was being physically abused meant i was enabling psychological abuse (who’s, exactly? my own?) and that it was insensitive of me to talk about that
let me be clear: i hated that guy
when my mother died i didn’t have to keep it a secret anymore and i was like. hey. this guy’s been hitting me and i don’t want him coming to the funeral. i don’t care that my mom loved him. she’s dead and i’m not and i won’t be in the same room as him again. he went to the wake because i wasn’t there, because i didn’t really want to see my mother’s corpse again because i was, you know
nine years old at the time
did the fact that he taught me when to flip a pancake or how to roast a marshmallow make up for all my bloody noses? did him rolling out of bed in the middle of the night and building a snowman with me cancel out the time he came after me with a metal baseball bat?
of course it fucking didn’t. even when i was happy around him, i still hated him. it’s just that people are complicated
i still think of him every time i flip a pancake, make a marshmallow, or build a snowman. and it’s not a terrible memory. sometimes bad people do nice things. i needed nice things as a child. so what am i supposed to do with them? throw them out because they’re dirty? because they’re bad and don’t belong in my nice clean life?
why?
holding onto good things in bad circumstances is how you make it through the bad circumstances
sometimes you have to take kindness how you can get it. sometimes the good things in your life are not easy, or fair, or the type of things other people would ever categorize as good at all. sometimes your good things are terrible
but they still save your life
if you are in a terrible situation and the only kindness you can find to hold onto is hard and prickly and difficult, that’s okay. if the only kindness you can find is what you’re giving to other people, that’s still more kindness in the world than it would have had otherwise, and i think it’s still worthwhile
if you have to sort through garbage to find two day old bagels to feed yourself, that doesn’t make you a bad person
if you have a make the best of a bad situation, because your only other option is making the worst of a bad situation, you are not somehow responsible or enabling your terrible circumstances
you are surviving, in whatever way you can, until you’re in a place where you don’t need to do that anymore
dumpster diving for kindness isn’t pretty but it will feed you when nothing else will