Fuck. Those fuckers at the store sold me No Purpose Flour again. What the fuck do I do with this

ADHD is so funny it's like I diagnose you with lazy inconsiderate fuckup disease. And it's incurable. Here's meth

wait ok this is actually one that has caused some contention before when I've talked to people about it. reblog and tag whether or not you check the weather prediction every day before going out

what detail about your blog can entitle someone who knows it to a veterans discount?

aww she let me swim in the pool

umm babygirl.. where did the ladder go?

ohhh fuck off. someone learned my summoning ritual again. ill be right back

It is literally impossible to pick a favorite line from this because the entire thing is gold. 

“At the age of old”.

if Candice has a picture phone why did she never just take a photo of what phineas and ferb were doing and text it to her mom

if she did this doofenshmirtz would just be like you see perry the platypus i sold my old computer at the pawn shop but i forgot to delete all those embarrassing photos from the christmas party, which is why i’ve invented the pixel-replacinator! and then as candace is going to text her mom the photo the phone gets hit with the beam and she looks down and she’s just texted her mom a photo of doofenshmirtz in a sexy elf costume or smth. candace can never fucking win the universe bends to facilitate her psychological torment

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant “two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’” “got it. check my dashboard” “that skeleton gif you like is back again” he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”