women are like diamonds: synthetically-produced women are not meaningfully different from naturally-formed women, and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is probably trying to justify keeping their women mines open

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

fingers on my temples, in deep concentration, brain bulging: if i was a supermarket, where would i put the eggs?

New bruno mars song called I'll kill you

You can lie when you name things

literally my dad

some bitch is scared for her life

Aborted neighbour: I would have loved to do construction at 3am

i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal

this girl must have pussy like a pizza bc Everytime she fucks me I have little seizures