Hi Hello

coming home drunk at 3 am and checking the mail like the secret night mailman brought me a late night bill or some shit

wait what did nintendo ds stand for? dick sucking??ewwwww. the dsi? dick suck international??? ewwww

yuo cant say this during plague month

pride month. pharohs curse got me

what doesnt kill you is still valuable data points for a graph im working on titled "how to kill you"

Everyone say thank you sanitation workers we owe you our lives sanitation workers

guy who really likes bagels: hmmm... i bagely remember that...

why do men have this eternal fear of being used for money they don’t have lol

No I think it's really great when a friend group of approximately twenty seven individuals spread out in the sidewalk as they walk so nobody has to walk behind the group. There's nothing better than when I'm trying to get home and I see the tableau of Jesus at the Last Supper gliding towards me like Jamiroquai in the Virtual Insanity music video and I have to decide who has the narrowest frame that I can shoulder-check my way past

im obsessed with the world of donkey kong, where the "barrel" is an abstracted, functionless object that seems to just manifest in the wild

boss makes a spider i make a slime. that's why i . thas why, tthats why i uhhh. t. thawhy

t.gats why i can't think up an end to the rhyme

GET BACK TO WORK

*walks around my house in a tank top and underwear like im the only playable woman in a david cage game*

forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well