That's a real kick in the dick

How do cats just manifest trash. You’ll vacuum your entire house and turn around and your cat will be running around with a kind of cardboard that didn’t exist until two seconds ago.

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

turn your attention to The Character

worry about it kitten daddy fucked up

i bet the pain will end if i arrange a perfect enough sentence about it

richard nixon is q*eer because he did watergate, subverting the societal expectation we all had for him to not do watergate

Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob

im going to fix my entire life

When?

Like Um. later

hello my name is Stray Hair snd my big dream is to play the itsy bitsy spider on broadway. doyou mind if i practice on the side of your head.

the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren’t allowed to use the worst part is everything else

I looove when food is in a bowl. Frequently plates are being brought out and I'm thinking this could've been a bowl meal but nobody gets it

long distance friends pets feel like celebrities because you can only be parasocial with them

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play