Hawaii 5-0

This episode. Oh, my God, this episode.

I searched “emotional roller coaster” on the Merriam Webster dictionary and this whole episode was there. 

Amazing, painful, heartbreaking, heartwarming. It leaves you full of fear and yet full of hope.

It’s an episode that literally oozes love out of every frame.

I will start talking about Steve and Danny, because I have so many things to say about them…

I loved how Steve shows up in Danny’s office as soon as he arrives, like he was impatiently waiting to show him his gift. How sweet can this man be? Same goes for Danny, so protective of Steve, constantly worrying about him, constantly checking – silently or explicitly – how he is. This scene is loaded with hints that foreshadow what will come later in the episode, it’s like Danny can’t help but feel something is wrong, and we start feeling the same way: the acting, the way the episode is built make you feel that way and it gets stronger and stronger minute by minute, and it’s so gut wrenching.

Plus, the way Danny and Steve act around Charlie is adorable. The way they look like a married couple, obviously, but – even more than that, if possible – the way they protect him, talking in code about Rachel and Stan’s divorce, because this little guy has been through so much already… To think they both were there the day Charlie was born, looking at him through the glass, loving him already even if they didn’t know yet he was Danny’s child… it makes me emotional.

And what about that scene in the car, when Steve starts talking about Rachel, out of nowhere, as if it’s something he can’t help thinking about… he’s worried, maybe even angry. He’s bitter, he’s jealous, most of all he’s still the man who, back in season one, told Danny: ““I don’t want you to get hurt. Okay? I just want you to be happy, Danny. That’s all”. 

Steve tries to joke – he tries so hard, how painful is that? – and says “if you ain’t got nothing nice and positive to say, keep your hole shut … unless you’re “talking” to your ex-wife”. He knows that Danny, out of his good heart – too good sometimes – is trying to put under the rug all the bad things Rachel did to him, but … they’re just under the rug, they’re still there, they can’t be ignored, or he’s going to suffer again, to be manipulated and walked over, again!

And so Steve says it, honestly… “I don’t think this thing with you and Rachel is a healthy thing”. It’s not healthy, he says. I think it’s a very meaningful choice of words. Both Steve and Danny have been dealing with toxic relationships that sucked the joy out of their lives and I hope with all my heart they’re done with those relationships for good. Please, let these guys be finally, truly happy, please let them heal each other’s heart with the love they have for each other. They deserve that.

What about Steve telling Danny “I know that I’m out of my mind, but I also know that you’re in love with your ex-wife […] you got a shot to make things right”? First of all, Rachel was the one who put Danny through hell with her constant threats of taking Grace away from him and not letting him see her and then lying to him for three years about Charlie, so it’s really not up to Danny to make things right, he didn’t do anything wrong, he was a victim! 

And I think that what we have here it’s Steve voicing his worst fears in the hope that Danny will prove him wrong. And I so hope Danny will prove him wrong. I believe he will prove him wrong. He already told Steve “you’re out of your mind” for thinking he might be still in love with Rachel and I think he was being honest, I think he’s just being civil and kind with her, he’s tired of fighting, he doesn’t want that for himself and most of all he doesn’t want that for his kids. I hope I’m not wrong.

Then Danny sees Steve taking some pills and his alarm bells start ringing, but his focus shifts on trying to talk Steve out of risking his life pulling probably the most dangerous stunt he has every pulled.

And just moments before Steve jumps, risking his life, the writers start working a whole new kind of magic, in my opinion, giving us some of the most subtle and yet most romantic and emotional moments I’ve ever seen.

How? The chef’s hat. Yes, the chef’s hat. I really believe they masterfully wrote some of the best, most touching declarations of love ever to be heard, just playing with words around that chef’s hat.

Even if he’s trying to pretend he’s not scared of the consequences of that jump, Steve knows that it could go horribly wrong. He didn’t want Danny to open the gift when he wasn’t there and now, thinking that jump could kill him, he needs to tell Danny those words before it could be too late.

“Chef’s hat”, he says. Meaning: there‘s nothing I care about more than you, more than your happiness and your dreams, because I love you. 

And Danny understands what Steve means, he promises him he will be there when he’ll open his restaurant (when they’ll open their restaurant?) and, later, he says: “thank you for the hat, seriously”. Meaning: thank you for loving me the way you love me. And Steve closes his eyes for a moment and then says “You’re welcome, seriously”. Don’t tell me that wasn’t a “I’m in love with you”, because it was. I’m so sure it was.

And I obviously loved that adorable scene with them walking away together, holding each other, talking about Steve’s feelings and how the last thing on Earth Danny wants to do is hurt Steve’s feelings. The way these two guys cherish and love each other is so beautiful and it warms my heart.

And then… oh my God, my poor heart bled seeing Steve so tired, so pale, so scared… call me crazy, call me stupid, but I worry about him even if I know he’s just a fictional character… it makes me cry to see how he tries to minimize, how he tried to keep things for himself, to hide his health issues.. but he couldn’t hide from Danny, because Danny wouldn’t let him. 

Life made Steve believe that he was undeserving of love, that there always was someone or something more important than him, someone or something that made people walk away from him, and now that he needs love more than ever, now that he needs someone next to him more than ever, he tries to hide it… but Danny won’t let him. 

It broke my heart to see the look in Danny’s eyes, to see him so lost at the mere thought of Steve being sick. I so hope, with all my heart, there will soon be… I don’t know, another doctor’s opinion, something that will take this terrible sword hanging over their heads away from them. 

One thing I’m sure of is that Steve and Danny will be together through all of this, and together they can face and overcome everything. Danny will show Steve how deserving of love, how important he is, how much he needs him and can’t even imagine a life without him. More than ever, Steve needs to be loved, to feel indispensable for someone, and Danny will be there reminding that he is, every step of the way.

I talked a lot about Steve and Danny, for obvious reasons, but there was so much else to be loved in this episode.

Abby and Chin, their sizzling chemistry and their growing love for each other.

The party to celebrate Jerry getting his badge… it was so endearing to see him so happy because these people love him. He was so lonely when we met him back in season 4 and now he really has a big family.

That super sweet scene with Kono and Sara at the market, Sara being absolutely adorable and Kono buying a pregnancy test… a moment that sheds an even more meaningful light to many other moments in the episode… her scene with Moani, that chilling, heartbreaking moment where she found that doll in the girls’ room, the talk she has with Lou about being a parent … I loved, so much, what she told Lou: “I could feel them in that room. Their pain and trauma. The fear they went to bed with every night”, because it was my same feeling watching that scene. She wants to make the world a better, safer place for these girls and thinking she might be pregnant makes that purpose even stronger, even more urgent. And I know she will succeed, she’s a force of nature, so compassionate, so strong, so brave. I hope we will get to see her fighting this horrible crime, but I also hope she will be back in Hawaii soon. Maybe, and hopefully, the two things aren’t incompatible. Her and Ohana - and we - needs her.

As I wrote when I started with this review, this episode leaves you full of fear and yet full of hope. I will hold on to that hope that makes me believe that these people will get the happiness they deserve. Steve will be fine. Kono will succeed in making the world that better place she desperately needs right now. And true love will conquer all, because today, more than ever before, I’m sure that Steve and Danny share the purest and truest love of all.

Steve: Can I feel? Danny: Yeah, feel this.

I’m not sure I know what you mean.

Let me think on that.

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2dkSWcj

by Silverfox588

Steve ends up in the E.R. with abdominal pain and brings Danny along as company. They get bored waiting for the test results and end up playing a game.

Words: 1817, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Danny “Danno” Williams, Steve McGarrett

Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny “Danno” Williams

Additional Tags: Fluff

I needed to rewatch parts of the episode before I put down my thoughts about it all.  First off, let me just say this is a wonderful episode!  And I hope this is a sign of things to come.  I enjoyed not just the personal interactions of the characters but the overall action and plot.  Very well done.

The chapel scene.  I knew from spoilers we were getting this, what I didn’t expect was the Jack Lord bit.  I can’t imagine what the process was behind the CGI effects but I can appreciate that it must have been extremely complex. 

Having said that it, I thought it was kind of creepy, lol.  But no, what the man said was beautiful and somewhat poignant.

As for Steve…. sighs.  I feel so bad for him right now.  To see him struggling in such as way is heartbreaking.  The issue of Catherine tore at my heart.  I know I’ve seen several people up in arms about that but bear in mind what kind of person Steve is.  He will ALWAYS blame himself for people walking out on him. 

The abandonment issues are so deep and so long.  He is also very clearly struggling with that along with the PTSD he had coming into 5-0.  Now we can pack a heaping pile of depression on top of it.

And that’s what I heard.  Depression.  Loud and clear.  We all know what 5-0 has done for him but he’s not in a place to see that right now.  I can relate to this in so many ways that it almost made me cry when I heard him talk.  It’s the lack of understanding.  The questioning of “why me?” and “what did I do to deserve all this?”  It’s nothing to do with the good in his life, it’s everything to do with the bad.

Moving along…..

Chin and Sarah is just about the cutest thing I’ve seen.   How precious is she?  And he is absolutely wonderful with her.  I hope Chin decides to step up and fight for custody.  He is a great father waiting to happen!

The wheelchair race was hilarious!  And Kono called Steve SuperSEAL!  I loved it.  And she bet on her boss but Danny won out.  I was cracking up at the end as she handed Lou the $10. 

The cargument.  I mean, I saw it ahead of time, no surprise there.  I did find it funny that Steve did get out of the car and tell Danny to drive.  That action tells me he does at least hear what Danny is saying.  And it’s registering on some level, even if it’s nothing more than wanting Danny off his back.

At that point in the episode, it’s clear Steve is still not ready to fully admit what’s happened to him.  That also means he’s not ready to acknowledge what Danny did for him  Because to admit that will shatter his belief that he’s not as strong as he thinks he needs himself to be. 

Chin driving the Camaro?  Priceless!  I loved that bit!  And Danny is relegated to the backseat, lol!

The entire story line of the creepy serial killer is wonderful.  From the way they find the body in the beginning all the way through the foot chase.  And what a chase!  I was tired just watching it.  That guy was more like a monkey than a human. I hope this story line had lots of twists and turns as it evolves.

The new Governor, I liked her a lot.  She’s tough but she has shown that she appreciates the team and knows what an asset they are. 

Chin and Kono’s little discussion was cute and her wanting to be “Auntie Kono”.  I sort of pouted because she’s already “Auntie” to Grace and I would assume Charlie.  And what about Lou’s kids?  But I get it, I mean that’s blood family there.  I was surprised Chin didn’t ask Kono the same since Adam is being released soon.

The big talk with Danny and Steve.  I mean, wow.  It was more than I expected.  The fact that Steve actually said what he did was huge to me.  And I don’t just mean the “I Love You” bit.  I mean all of it, all the way to the “Thank You”. 

It’s a huge step in the right direction for him.  It acknowledge his love for his friend (however you view it) but also expressed his frustration at being coddled.  We all know Steve doesn’t handle that well.  The Thank You could have been interpreted to mean several things.  Thanks for the liver, for the friendship, for the love?  All of it?  Who knows.  But I was glad they at least sort of pow wowed about it all.

Danny calling out to Steve to stop chasing the man and not jump was much appreciated.  I would like to think Steve wouldn’t have made that jump to begin with but who knows. 

The little Ohana scene at the end was lovely and between Steve’s hurting himself and then almost jumping to what would have been his own death was obviously enough to make him step back.  Finally! 

Saying he was taking some time off and resting.  Perfect! And the smiles he exchanged with Danny was perfect!  I loved how the guys teased and Kono said they were in love again.  Awwwww. 

When Steve arrived home, I think he clutched his chest as a combination of pain and fear.  To know someone has been in his home has got to freak him out.  And another chess piece to lead us along…..

Random thoughts:

Eric!  Yes Eric!  I am so happy to see him again!

Abby being a part of HPD instead of 5-0 is well played.  And I was a bit surprised she wasn’t at Chin’s house in the morning scenes with Sarah.  I thought they were living together but maybe Abby was supposed to be on duty. 

No to this new Medical Examiner. No. Just NO!!!!  I wanted Mindy back!  *cries*  And if we can’t have Mindy then I want Max back, ASAP.   When is he due to be back again?

I dont know if I trust the writers that much though.  I have a fear they’re just straight up laying “steve’s lost a lot sacrificing for five o” which is bullshit.  No he hasnt.  He’s lost a lot, for sure, and it’s heartbreaking and deserves it’s own storyline absolutely…. But Five O is not to blame.    If anyone can blame their job, or more truthfully their dedication to what is an admittedly dangerous job, costing them multiple good things int heir life, it’s Danny.  Wife.  Grace.  Charlie.  That was down to his job, and his dedication to his job, and his not being willing to leave said job to keep them. Not that I think he should have, I think Rachel is weak and petty in some very real ways, but I DO think that if he’d left and become a car mechanic, they’d still be married.  Because I’ve never ever bought this she wanted the house/money thing.  

Oh god, oh GOD, do yo know what?  It’s not 100% correct or a fair comparison, BUT, you know that moment when Steve says lay off and Danny says you know what, good lck, and walks away?  It reads to e like, I’m not gonna watch you get killed, I’m done.  It reads, I can’t anymore with you.  It reads, fuck you, if you won’t do it for yourself do it for me, and you won’t, so bye.  And you know what?  THAT is why Rachel left him.  That.  Right there.   Danny i fussing at Steve for taking above and beyond necessary risk.  Above and beyond pushing himself, risking himself, risking him DYING, but… to Rachel ANY amount of putting himself in the line of fire was unnecessary.  And to her, that included putting on his police uniform/tie/hat any fucking day.

That talk in front of the ambulance all the way to the roof to the LOOK Steve gave Danny after the dde fell to his death, which to me was Danny saying “god fucking hell, that coulda been you, if you hadn’t listened” and Steve saying “Yeah, woulda been” because I fully believe he woulda done it.  The way his feet stuttered at the edge there?  I don’t think he intended to stop.  It was everything.  All of it was everything, and at the end, the end, oh god, their smiles at each other.  Steve’s entirely  just saying, “You win, partner.  Okay.  You win.”

But also just… I wanted Steve’s feeling like he doesn’t deserve this to not be, I don’t deserve this shitstorm to be my life, though honestly he’s not wrong to feel that way, but I wanted his not feeling deserving to be… I don’t deserve what Danny did for me.  I need… I need an actual honest to god heart to heart fucking MOMENT of I love you Danny, what you did for me was beyond and I cannot thank you enough for loving me like that.”   We did get the thank you in front of the ambulance bt I thin that was thank yo for caring, in general. I need him to be specific.  Just for my personal satisfaction.

It’s one of the main differences between his relationship with with Catherine and his relationship with Danny, along with the fact that while Catherine took from Steve everything she could, Danny gave Steve everything he could, even - literally - a part of himself.

Danny gave Steve everything he could, even - literally - a part of himself.

THEY ARE JUST SO IN LOVE WHY ARE THEY NOT MARRIED, WHY DO THEY NOT KISS, WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYY