im spinster aged (27)

hey take those earbuds out. shows u a really loud picture of a horse

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

can you put that thing on a leash?

*aborted bandmate voice* i would be touching you in a vaguely gay way onstage right now... if i existed

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.