"The story you have been a part of...

Smiling seeing cute kid/baby videos but then suddenly ain’t shit funny bc why are you posting your kids on the internet you dumb bitch take this shit down now don’t fucking do that

I’ve seen you people thirst after men I wouldn’t even feed to my creature

gambling with angels is easy. they can't lie but they have addictive personalities; it's easy to clean them out then make them divulge secrets about the business of heaven to call your bets. my dad used to say "hey, watch this" and summon angels to play poker with him with a sort of bone flute he inherited from his grandpa, and they'd be holding horseshit and still want to call him. i'm talking "raise on a two pair" level bad at it, but they couldn't stop trying to win. my dad taught me all the secret names of God before i was out of grade school and i would use them to curse my enemies so they came down with leprosy. you can cure leprosy these days but it still sucks, especially for a child. but they had it coming for pissing me off

crazy how i find myself thinking i've got a handle on it all finally and then i see the ways that other people tangle their lives together so easily and live so easily together with their friends and i feel like that girl at the top of the stairs painting by norman rockwell

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

As a kid, I wasn’t allowed to touch the hot stove with my bare hands. But now I get to do it whenever I want

apparently vic’s vapor rub goes exitinct ? i’ve been using the same vapor rub for years and apparenlty it went bad in the 2010s ..

expired .

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

“tumblr” “grindr” do the gays not like the letter e for some reason

it’s lgbt not legbet

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My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

the puirpose of a spider is what it does