I'm not like them, but I can pretend

i watched this movie almost a year ago at the zenith of my nirvana hyperfixation (i'm still hyperfixated dw, it's just when i was first starting out lol) and i hated every second of it. i don't remember most of the details since i only watched it the one time but i distinctly remember thinking that gus van sant did not seem to give a single shit about kurt from the way he portrayed him. or "kurt" in this instance since it's not really him but we can read between the lines. in any case, van sant bought into the rock and roll martyr myth that permeates kurt and decided to make a movie about it for some reason. why? we'll never truly know.

for those who are unaware; last days is a pseudo kurt biopic that follows him after his escape from the rehab center he'd been checked into at the time and what his last few days might've looked like before taking his life. i'm already quite sensitive to depictions and discussions of kurt's passing but this one really struck a particularly harsh chord with me. it felt less like an empathetic view of kurt's mental health struggles that were exacerbated by drugs, touring and the struggles with fame and more like an exploitative what-if fanfic scenario van sant dreamed up one night in a haze. like "what if i directed a movie that's about kurt cobain, but not really kurt cobain, and made him out to be the most miserable piece of shit on the planet? what if i inserted my own ideas of what he was like at that period of his life without consulting with loved ones beforehand? jackpot! someone get me a producer!"

it doesn't feel humane, it feels like a cash grab well over a decade after his passing. i hate it.

the movie itself is mundane at points, very quiet and barely legible since kurt is mumbling his dialogue for the majority of the time he's on screen, which was van sant's intention as he wanted to emulate slow cinema movies. though, i think in some parts it works well, other parts feel like they drag on longer than they should while others feel unnecessarily short. did we need the scene with kurt donning a dress to be so long? or in the movie at all? like yeah look he's wearing a dress, which he did all the time, do you guys know who the inspiration was for this? huh? do you? or did we need the scene with two male house dwellers hooking up randomly in kurt's house? (i personally think we don't, like yes gus van sant we know you're gay but do we really need this in a pseudo biopic about kurt cobain of all people?). also why is kim gordon there playing a record exec??? hello?? completely unnecessary, idk why she was cast in this movie. from what i've read, she was allowed to improvise the dialogue between her and kurt, so i guess she said some things she wished she'd said to kurt but still. feels very gross and unnecessary.

van sant's depiction of kurt also gets under my skin. he's a quiet, muttering man who stumbles through his mansion doing random things, having half-assed conversations with invasive roaches clinging to his wealth and home and being miserable until he offs himself in the greenhouse at the end. if you've been on my blog for any period of time, you're probably well aware of my views on kurt and how media has depicted him in the over 30 years since his death. if not, then i suggest you read through my posts i made for the nirvana doc project. the myth of the rock and roll martyr as well as the tortured artist have clung to kurt's corpse for decades now, reshaping his image from what he actually was like to what we're familiar with in popular media. was he a depressed drug addict? yes. did he make poor decisions that impacted his relationships and isolated him? yes. did he surround himself with people who thought about his optics more than his well being toward the end? yes. did he refuse help? yes, multiple times. those are truth's about kurt's life before his passing. but what i cannot stand is this caricature reanimated before our very eyes only a decade or so after his passing.

while he was struggling with his addiction, that did not mean he turned into a loathsome, bumbling, incoherent waste of a person like how the film depicts him. people loved kurt, which is why they tried to get him help at a rehab facility before he escaped it without telling anyone. fucking krist tried to drive him to rehab only to jump from the backseat and run off. it was the last time he'd see kurt alive. he was still creating even at the worst of his drug addiction. have you listened to "you know you're right" or "do re mi"? the guy still loved making music at his core. and though his drug addiction clouded his senses, kurt still deeply adored his daughter, frances. yes, it is upsetting that she had to grow up without her father or concrete memories of him, that i will not deny. it's a terrible thing to do to a child. however, when he was alive, he was as attentive as he could be with her. loving on her, making her laugh with silly faces and noises, doing everything possible not to emulate his own upbringing. to be the difference for his young daughter that he never got. watch any interview where frances is present or the snippets of home video where she's featured, there's no denying he loved that little girl with his whole heart. does this come across in this movie? nope. not even in the slightest. there's no attempt to humanize him, only mythologize and suck the cock of someone who is most certainly not kurt cobain, the man. but kurt cobain, the legendary rocker.

is this how he'd want to be remembered? i'm not sure nor do i want to dwell on that. we will never know kurt's intentions for taking his life or what he was truly doing during those last days in april of 1994. speculating on his life any further is of no use, you're just imposing your own biases and beliefs onto someone you have no relation to. which is exactly what van sant did here with last days.

i detest this version of kurt. i detest it, i reject it and refuse to acknowledge this movie exists. also to add more salt in the wound, vant sant had met kurt at some point in 91, going on to describe him in an interview as, "[...] very quiet. Extremely quiet." (from this interview with royal ballet and opera), though also went on to say, "It was definitely interesting to meet him – he was a legend." just tells me everything i need to know really.