The Lurker in the Lake

they should rewrite the bible so that jesus would be a hot 5'2 girl with a creampie fetish from missouri

This post is the distilled essence of everything I believe in.

chronically depressed pokemon trainer and the absol that she didn't pick but she just has because it showed up one time

she keeps it around because she recognizes it’s probably good for her long-term, and her therapist agrees, but it is very annoying to have a fluffy creature in your house that constantly inconveniences you by messing up plans you haven’t even made yet. she comes home from work and she can’t cook dinner because all the kitchen knives are gone. she wakes up in the morning and all the non-essential pills are missing from the medicine cabinet. her car’s gas is siphoned sometimes. how the fuck does a pokemon even learn to siphon a car’s gas tank? but she’s still here and she’s slowly making it day by day and things, verrrrrry slowly, are getting better

I genuinely believe that the new SW trilogy wouldn’t have flopped out into irrelevance like it did if they hadn’t dumped Finn on the side of the freeway like a new pet rabbit the week after easter

Anyway in my heart Finn became a Jedi alongside Rey and inspired a Stormtrooper insurrection and Kyle Ron went back to his mom like he should have day fucking one and that angry redhead dude blew up with the star destroyer and Poe got to make it happen and at the end Rey doesn’t give a shit who her bitch ass non-palpatine parents might have been because she gets her new family like she needed and palpatine stays dead at the bottom of his musty hole like he should have and Finn and Poe give each other approximately 130% the amount of lingering meaningful looks and then one of their run-together-to-reunite moments results in a heat-of-the-moment make out like it should have and Luke and Leia meet in person a minimum of once so she can sibling slap him at least once for being a useless dramatic old hermit for a billion years and tell him to get the Chanel boots back on and stop being a sad hobo and then for no reason at all there is an ewok style moon of Endor forest party at the end like God intended

my dead wife. the ad free internet

THE LICE ONE IS MAKING ME FUCKING CRY OH MY GOD

coworker: it's good to see that centrifuge getting some use; most people don't like it because it's so sensitive me: *has been devising nobel prize-worthy balance configurations for every single load* haha yeah i guess i've just been lucky with it so far :)

the feelings i'm experiencing about this are akin to when a pet comes up to greet you and its owner is like "omg i never see them go up to strangers like that they're usually so shy"

developing a horse girl-like bond with the centrifuge

centrifuge: *shudders or makes noise* me: *patting its flank* shhhh... it's okay, girl...

I'm fairly certain the answer will be "because they don't want to spend money", but is there a reason your workplace doesn't just get a new centrifuge, maybe one with auto-balancing?

because the centrifuge works fine if you're pure of heart