I'll bring hydrangeas to your funeral

Fuuuck I just loss 20000 dollars in adverisement revenue and potential sales when that guy over there didn’t look at my flyer because he was talking to the girl he was walking with. The sensible option here is to ban talking while walking since it’s literally theft.

oh fuck yum

Every post in 2014 was like this

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

to everyone in the notes saying this is mean or rude or a callout, this post was autobiographical. we're in this together. take my paw

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

“there’s an ai tool for that” okay ?? there’s probably an ed sheeran song for it too who gives a fuck

hey did ya'll know that ed sheeran is working on a series of 6 albums named after media player buttons and the first one released last year and the last one is to be released posthumously on the day that he dies

That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about Ed Sheeran to prove otherwise

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

inside me there are two lungs. and one liver. one stomach. a few meters of intestine. there's a lot inside me actually

you shouldnt kill yourself because frankly its such an overdone and unoriginal response to emotional pain, and ill be entirely honest you just cannot pull it off or make it interesting like itd really just be embarrassing for you like do something original

crazy how much i could get done if i didn't have "doesn't want to do things" disorder

What the fuck does this site's backend look like

Loving the implication that this website could have a backend strange enough to make time travel real