feel like im the worst so always act im the best

feeling like the health inspector

podcast character body pillow

you know how sometimes you see a shape from a distance and hope it's a cat or other small pettable animal. but it turns out to be just a plastic bag or something. well that's sort of what just happened to me, except for some reason i decided it must be a gargoyle statue someone had decided to abandon on the side of the road. so i think i may have just had a truly unique human experience.

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

sorry i said something dickish. a few mildly frustrating things happened to me in succession and it turned me evil

They are both right

now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck

now this is some wizardry shit

shoutout to crossdressing, jerking off, pain meds, 7$ beverage, and music for keeping me from killing myself at every minor inconvience

my favorite romance trope is like. you dont want to hurt me but i am asking you to hurt me. i need you to stab me. i need you to hit me. i need you to carve this out of me. i need you to cut something off of me. this will hurt both of us in incredible ways. yours are the only hands i trust enough to weild this knife. you do not want to hurt me. i am asking you to hurt me.

#we are the (osha)violators via @google-searchhistory-official

This is better than all the marvel movies combined

wish i could go missing for a little bit and no one would freak out and then i could come back and they'd be like "did you have fun going missing" and i'd be like "yeah, thanks" and then i could do that every couple of months or so and it wouldn't be a big deal