Mint, The Jazz Bird

no matter what your most embarrassing moment in life is, at least it’s not having fucking chat gpt write fanfic for you bc you’re too lazy to do it yourself

u know someone’s about to get dragged through the mud when an academic uses the phrase ‘it’s tempting to assume’

“it’s tempting to assume” is academic speaking for “you might think, if you’re a fucking idiot,”

after touching spicy foods immediately touch your eyes, penis, and vagina

And this is how I get my driver's license?

im sure theres a word denoting the divide btwn what you believe as a citizen of civic society and what you believe as an animal with anger synapses. as a civic citizen i do not believe in the death penalty nor do i think anyone deserves to die for being stupid on twitter. as an ape,

I feel like making this distinction would also help with venting. "I acknowledge my feelings are irrational and primitive, and would never wish death on another human being. That being said, the asshole who slammed a door in my face deserves to be eaten alive by ants."

“available with premium subscription” “will be removed on the 31st” “available free with ads” “rent 4.99 buy 20.00″ “not available in your country” “not available on this device” what if every streaming service fucking killed itself and films ran around their fields free and organic in their natural state