The apple they fed to snow white wasnt poision at all it was just a red delicious

if we are mutuals we will be reborn into the same cicada horde

Sexting like “makes sense. sounds good to me.”

Attempting to locate a new Greek restaraunt using my gyroscope

Man Im sorry for snapping at you , uts just that I only got 8 hours of sleep last night and I only had like, two pandcakes with strawberrys and whipped cream and like three premium sausags for breakfast

you can post on tumblr even when you're trying to take a break from social media it literally doesn't count. it's like pepsi max, or pescatarianism

Sweetie your grandma deactivated last night

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

guy who really likes bagels: hmmm... i bagely remember that...