Purveyor of buff ladies

“See you tonight at Gus’?” she asks in that husky tone she always reserves just for him. Or at least, in his mind he's the only one who gets to hear the way her tongue curls around each syllable.

She lets her hair cascade down her back in just the right way as she gives him that sultry eyebrow raise. His mind is already imagining what his fingers would look like wrapped into those strands as he tries to focus on her words. But by Yoba, he can think of little else as he swallows thickly and prays.

Fuck, she's been bold before but never this needy. And he wonders if she's hit a spell as dry as his. Though with the way half the town is beating down her door that hardly seems possible.

“Sure.” He remembers to grunt- to act disinterested, like he isn't rock hard already as her eyes narrow across the room. He won't ask her to stay despite how badly he wants it. He has pride- somewhere. And that only excites her more as she easily shrugs.

“Or I could just hang out with you now,” she teases with a giggle as he internally groans. One long leg crosses the other as she sits down on a nearby crate, making sure to lean back on her hands and give him a full view of her muscular body stretched out just for him.

She's going to kill him, but at least he will die happy- or maybe not when a bored sigh escapes her within five minutes of waiting. He's supposed to be working, stacking boxes and stocking shelves. Not that she cares as she cocks her head to the side and pouts her bottom lip at him.

@onelooseskull @serialsforbellara @davrinsleftpectoral @blackwall-my-tiny-husband @hedwigoprah @guacamolleee @introvertedfangrl @vishantikaffar @sorcerousadventurer @necromanticsoul @brightbreezeblog @casa-dei-corvei @handsignals @wolfmoonwildflowers @notyourmamasdeerbat @sandcastlekings @curiouswisp @quaksi @trashwithvariety @trash-nerd @dudewheresmynug @rooks-dagger @grand-crow @genjyoandgojyoandhakkai @kogarashi-art @pinkvbay @chaosherald @xkatchy @reaver-of-kirkwall @in-the-drowning-deep @ass-deep-in-demons @bronzieinthedas @winterhartarts @viagosbrother @oddsaint22 @tarasmom @wickedadaar @veilguardingonmain @andthekitchensinkao3 @nyx-de-riva

@rookappreciationweek for the main tag, of course.

@handsignals, @himluv, @sorcerousadventurer, @dags-over-caravans, @chaosherald, @serialsforbellara, @necromanticsoul, @sandcastlekings, @redheadsramblings, @sapphireangelbunny, @genjyoandgojyoandhakkai, @wolfsong-the-bloody-beast, @hedwigoprah, @redaresss, @mushrooms-x-moss, @grand-crow, @davrinsleftpectoral, @blackwall-my-tiny-husband, @pixiedurango, @jukkaricity, @ladyofcrowsandcoffee, @lycheecatee, @the-archons-moustache, @rooks-dagger, @maagisterpavus, @dell-amor-te, @hibiscus-wo-tabeta, @reaver-of-kirkwall, @woundedsoul12, @shadrachanki, @jellyeliart

The lights flashed and Varric directed everyone to take their seats. 

Addie walked onto the stage into the spotlight, "Welcome one and all to Verona, Italy." The curtains behind her steadily crept open as she spoke. "Where familial ties will be tested, rivalries are getting heated, and revenge is in the air. We open to a most innocent of taverns- the Cobbled Swan." She gestured to the stage as the lights turned on and walked to the edge as though to oversee the proceedings. 

Athos and Dana laughed, hands on their hips and gesturing wildly at Esha who had her arms crossed. 

"These two groups are sworn enemies, the Capulets and the Montagues." Addie announced.

Then Dana walked forward and Esha and her tackled each other, rolling around dramatically on the ground.

Qatesh waltzed over wearing a gold crown on her head and broke up the brawl, "If either of your families cause any more trouble, they'll be put to death. So they'd better…. behave themselves and be good. Please."

//

"No no no no!" Dasha hit the fog machine again cursing. Hugo had helped her drag the machine out of the gym and into the hall to work on it before rushing back inside. Dasha hit the machine again as it sputtered and wound down. 

"Is your machine not working?" Kala, one of the students from Beacon High was walking with Delmar, both had been headed back to the gym and had paused to speak to Dasha. 

"It broke and I need it to spray colored fog in 4 acts from now." She wondered if she had time to rip it apart and fix it. 

"Oh well we can help, both Delmar and I are on the battlebot team back at our school." 

Dasha's head snapped up to look them and nodded, "Oh yes thank you some help would be great!" She waved at the device on the ground. "And you can tell me about your bot- 

“The Pyre Starter.” Delmar supplied, crouching down to look at the machine

“While we work." Dasha finished.

//

"Why are you so down in the dumps Romeo?" Gladius asked, laughing as he slung an arm around Veryl's shoulders trying his level best to ignore the fact that Veryl was standing there in a too big tshirt with Turvi pressed to her side like they were a two headed beast. 

Veryl looked to Turvi who chuckled awkwardly, "Well my big bad bro, you see we got this really big crush on Rosaline." He elbowed Veryl who suddenly nodded,

"She's one of Capulet's nieces, its a doomed dream. We'll never get the chance to tell her how we feel." 

Sabi walked onto the stage, she was looking at a book in her hands, "You're in luck Romeo, I know of a party that those very Capulet's are throwing—" She looked up and stuttered to a stop when she saw Veryl and Turvi standing there in their badly painted shirt to mimic Veryl's costume, Turvi smiling broadly at her.

"Oh a party? We do love parties don't we Romeo?"He poked Veryl again and she nodded, mustache waving with the motion. 

Sabi blinked, making a face until Gladius came over and bumped her shoulder, "Right Mercutio? It's a good idea to sneak into this party for our buddy?" 

Sabi let out a sigh, caught between trying not to smile and trying not to shake her head in exasperation. "Yes it's a brilliant idea, let's go." 

//

Cioba grinned brightly, twirling around in her pink dress, "Oh Mama, I love it thank you!" She grabbed Zalan's hands and bounced on her toes.

"You look gorgeous dear Juliet." Jericho gushed in his nurse maid’s costume. 

Zalan nodded, "Yes daughter, you look beautiful." He patted her hands, trying not to look exasperated. But Cioba's bright smile was infectious and he couldn't help himself and smile back even when she giggled at him. 

"The party will be starting soon, get out there, have fun. But please think about Count Paris' offer. He's not a bad man and his offer is a good one." Zalan told her. Cioba nodded before giving one more twirl to her dress, the sparkles on the pink fabric dancing in the spotlight before dancing off stage, Zalan and Jericho trailing after. 

//

"Oh I'm so sorry I wasn't watching where I was going." Cioba apologized, looking up at the person she'd run into. She was trying not to grin at the combined Veryl and Turvi.

"No it's all our fault we weren't looking where we were going, are you okay?" Turvi asked, one of his arms and one of Veryl's helping Cioba up to stand. 

Focusing back on her role Cioba blushed looking at them, 

"You are the most captivating angel we've ever seen. Could we have this dance?" Veryl asked bowing, Turvi a few seconds behind, being drug down into the action with her. 

Cioba dipped into a curtsy and agreed, taking one of Veryl's hands and one of Turvi's and the pair led her onto center stage to slowly sway together, anything more being too complicated for the pair stuck together. 

//

"A Montague? I can't believe he was a Montague," Cioba cried, leaning on a cardboard balcony. 

Fodhla from Beacon High stood where originally Xiqaa was supposed to be standing- beside the fake balcony dressed up like a dragon statue complete with tail and drawn on scales, helping lift Turvi and Veryl, grunting from the weight of the two of them. Xiqaa having found the massive Qunari in the audience and obviously having roped her into helping. 

"But oh Juliet how we have come to love you. No matter your name." Veryl announced, reaching a hand out." 

Cioba took it, wiping away fake tears. "You're right, I love you too."

Turvi beamed at her, "Fair Juliet, let's like totally get married." 

Cioba nodded, Fo groaning and wobbling as Turvi moved his feet around in her hand.

Ghilasara wearing one of the cardboard horses came trotting in from offstage and brought her cardboard steed to a halt. "Romeo! We must take our leave, hurry." She was holding another cardboard horse in her hands. 

"Balthasar thank you." Veryl and Turvi climbed down Fo, their shirt straining as they scrambled down together. They took the horse from Ghilasara together and forced it on over their combined heads, an ominous ripping noise drifting out over the audience. 

Somewhere in the gym there was a high pitched sob at the loss of cardboard horse life. 

Ghilasara led the way off stage with Turvi and Veryl awkwardly trying to trot after her in time. 

//

Sancha stood in the corner of the stage as the next narrator, gesturing as Turvi-Veryl, their shirt still hanging on and Cioba stood in the spotlight holding hands while Amara stood tall on a platform dressed in her friar robes and mustache. 

Ezra and Tamryn had been selected from the audience and were standing in as witnesses, tossing white rice up into the air for the couple.

"The two were married in secret the next day, Friar Laurence secure in his knowledge that this would unite the warring families." Sancha explained as the Romeo and Juliet leaned in and the spotlight went dark. 

"But now we find the good Romeo out for a night on the town with his buds." The light came back on with Turvi-Veryl walking beside Sabi and Jack who'd been pulled from the audience.

Micah came stomping on stage, accompanied by Aster and Izzy, also audience pulls, all pointing at Romeo. "We have beef with you Montague." He announced loudly. 

Turvi-Veryl came to a stop both of their heads looking pensive. "We won't fight you." They said as one, shaking their heads. 

Sabi angrily balled her fists up and dramatically waved a hand around, "Romeo! That's weenie talk. We have to fight this guy for his insolence." 

She and Jack both drew their blades and took fight stances. Micah drew his blade as well, Aster and Izzy following suit. "Then bring it on you classless lampshade." 

And the five of them broke out into a sword fight. 

"No!" Turvi-Veryl cried. 

Zea had switched places with Sancha in the narrator's corner and tut-tutted. "Romeo, my poor son, his friends were all incensed and what had once begun as a duel quickly devolved into an all out fight, both sides trying to kill the other." She paused as swords clashed and the actors weaved and dodged around blows aimed for them. 

"How was Romeo ever supposed to stop this?" 

Turvi-Veryl was looking frantically at the fighting friends and finally dove in between them all, standing with their arms out in front of Sabi trying to tell her to stop. 

But Micah saw his opening and slid his blade under Sabi's arm. With a cry she fell to the ground, Turvi-Veryl stooping to catch her as she fell, clutching their paint cracked shirt. "I curse you both for this." She cried before laying still. 

"In his grief Romeo took revenge against Tybalt." Zea continued, gesturing as Romeo took the sword from under Sabi's arm and drove it under Micah's who fell, pretending to die as well.

//

Cara had switched into the narrator's corner, shaking her head and speaking while the stage crew moved things around. "Because of his actions Romeo was exiled from Verona. And Juliet's parents pushed her to marry Count Paris, despite her protests."

Someone tripped over something on stage and a loud ow! Could be heard. 

"Let's see what Juliet's plan is now." And the lights went back up. 

Cioba stopped in the market at a stall with rows and rows of painted drying herbs and flowers. Lydia had outdone herself with this piece. Ayanne stood barefoot on stage.

"I need a poison that will make me look dead." Cioba stage whispered to Ayanne who gasped and looked around worried about someone overhearing. 

"Here but be careful - drink too much and you could be really dead." Ayanne cautioned. 

Cioba ran back to the Capulet home, the background rolling along the stage with her as she went where she poured her potion into a glass of wine. 

"Tonight at dinner." She promised. 

//

Mina wearing her mustache proudly walked onto the stage bowing to Zalan and Eris and asking them how their daughter Juliet was faring. 

When Cioba along with Ayla walked on stage, Cioba greeted everyone and handed out goblets of wine from the tray in Ayla's hands, carefully choosing one specific goblet for herself. 

Mina told Cioba how pretty her dress was and Cioba looked sad, the narrator telling the audience it was the one she'd met Romeo in. 

Looking determined Juliet asked for a toast and everyone drank with Cioba whispering to herself, "It is done." 

Mina suddenly and dramatically started pretend choking, crashing through Eris and Zalan, the later cursing when she made him spill the grape juice in his cup onto the stage. 

Cioba called for the doctor and Athos came out, declaring that Mina's character, Count Paris, was dead. Athos carried her off stage.

//

Cioba wiped the tears from her eyes as Veryl-Turvi pulled her into a hug, "I don't care what your parents say. I have a horse and we can run away together, gallop into the sunset. Please fair Juliet, you never have to be alone, I love you and that's our reason. Please just say yes." 

Cioba began nodding but was interrupted when the gym doors burst open, Delmar and Kala running through yelling, "It wasn't our fault!"

And then Dasha pointing behind her yelling, "It's alive!" As she scrambled onto an empty chair. 

The fog machine was whirring, fog sputtering and coughing from it as it rolled into the gymnasium, the arm the kids from Beacon High had installed to help fan the fog spinning wildly. 

"Somebody stop it!" Coadi yelped as the chair beside them got knocked to the side.

"Runaway robot!" Izzy yelled.

The souped up fog machine spun as it knocked more chairs, audience members fleeing, and begun rolling towards the stage where the cardboard horses were parked.

"Someone save my horses!" Eris cried 

"Barricade it in!" Zea yelled, grabbing Riley, Evariste, and Gladius to help her move the chairs, boxing the swing violent machine before it could reach the fake horse stable.

With it stuck in place Ezra and Aster leapt into action, dodging around the arm whipping around and trying to pry off the top of the roomba style machine. 

"Pull the blue wire!" Delmar yelled, "That's the one connected to the battery!" 

Aster yanked on the wire but it wouldn't budge. Desperate, Ezra grabbed the wire and bit through it stopping the bot in it's tracks. 

It was quiet for a moment and then the nearby students cheered for the pair. 

Eris was hugging a couple of the horses to her chest, and finally was convinced to set them back down once she was sure no harm would come to them. 

Sancha and Arlo got to setting the chairs back up, while Dasha and Hugo drug the machine backstage, Dasha muttering how she was sure they could still fix it. 

Taash and Qatesh helped a few of the parents sweep up the mess that was made and everyone took their seats again.

"Let the show continue." Varric announced, hitting the lights again.

Juliet got back into place and nodded, the epic fight scene behind them forgotten as Turvi and Veryl awkwardly hugged Cioba to their side and the poor ripped cardboard horse from earlier fit around the three of them. Cioba gave Veryl's cheek a kiss with a giggle and the three rode off stage.

The narrator went on to say that the families, seeing their children so in love stopped their war, put down their mage daggers and banished the demons fighting for them back from whence they came. As for Romeo and Juliet? They lived happy ever after. 

The audience gave a round of applause, some of the other students and parents laughing at the change in script or waving at their kid.

Lilya put down the camcorder and Ilene snickered from her seat. "We have to get pictures before we leave. I need photo evidence for future blackmail, Lilya."

The older de Riva shook her head as her younger sister ran off. She'd have to make copies of the performance for the school. Varric thanked her for being the one to record it, 

"I'm just happy nothing actually caught on fire—"

There was a soft boom from backstage and Riley coughing through a cloud of blue and purple smoke, "It was just the fog machine again don't worry nothing's burning!" He yelled to let the teachers know everything was okay.

"Yet." Varric said with a laugh. 

Thank you @rookappreciationweek for hosting ❤️

Credits:

1. Ilene @ kabsey

2. Lilya @ serensama

3. Zalan @ blackwall-my-tiny-husband

4. Turvi @ davrinsleftpectoral

5. Xiqaa @genjyoandgojyoandhakkai

6. Gladius @jenn2d2

7. Amara @chaosherald

8. Veryl @hedwigoprah

9. Coadi @notyourmamasdeerbat

10. Qatesh @bronzieinthedas

11. Jericho @sandcastlekings

12. Hugo @jukkaricity

13. Alana @therivercrow

14. Cara @pixiedurango

15. Ayanne @cute-ellyna

16. Esha @in-the-drowning-deep

17. Eris @grand-crow

18. Sabi @seaglassmelody

19. Rose @aetherflowers

20. Cyri @mythals-whore

21. Riley @woundedsoul12

22. Embria @himluv

23. Athos @necromanticsoul

24. Micah @biowaredisasterbisexual

25. Ghilasara @flowersforthemachines

26. Gemma @serialsforbellara

27. Cioba @xkatchy

28. Dana @babblingrook

29. Lydia @sorcerousadventurer

30. Saadrah @kogarashi-art

31. Ayla @mushrooms-x-moss

32. Sancha @casa-dei-corvei

33. Nona @handsignals

34. Juan @zennihilation

35. Selora @juniper-and-dragonthorn

36. Mina @tarasmom

37. Naera @ serensama

38. Tal @sunny374940

39. Zea @redaresss

40. Queenie @lycheecatee

41. Dasha @lemondelighted

42. Addie @inquisimer

43. Dawes @ratbagjasper

44. Isotta @tkwritesdumbassassins

45. Aster @jaderavenarts

46. Lilja @d7kyoshi

47. Evariste @bossuary

48. Silver @the-bug-witch

49. Ezra @r2wedoomed

50. Kala @corinnesin

51. Anya @andromeda-xyz

52. Delmar @temptersnake

53. Tamryn @imrowanartist

54. Fodhla @svalbird