starbat

Vicki Vale: What do you have to say to rumours that you're having an affair with Bruce Wayne?

Penguin: I never slept with Wayne. He's a kid for Christ sakes.

The Riddler: He's nice enough to look at but I mean, what would we talk about? Everytime I give him a riddle he bursts into tears because it's too hard. I mean... I'd fuck him but nah.

Harley: Brucie? Of course not. He's actually very shy which stems from his habit of self isolation. Also I see him as like a cousin?

Joker: Bruce Wayne? I don't know who that is.

Harvey: I never cheated on my wife. These allegations are false. *Also Two Face: The gavel wasn't the only thing getting banged in the courtroom.

Like we all know Jason wants to control Gotham, not necceassrily save it, at least not like Bruce. Jason is like other Crime Lords, and while he doesn't deal drugs to kids or abuse women, he is very much someone who continues to system of exploiting the vulnerable. In my opinion, it's been worse because he primarily did it to get back at Bruce.

autistic bruce angst?

bad parent alfred but good grandparent and like maybe post death of alfred it comes to light

really enjoyed the shitty to Bruce JL and like combined w them being older

if u want to do anything w these but no pressure

take care occa

Blind Bruce

"Hm? Were you saying something?" Dick lifts his head from his phone, looking at Bruce. Bruce watches him for a beat, and for a moment he looks crushed, then everything is smoothed away behind a placid smile.

"No. Go back to what you were doing, chum." Bruce pulls back the book Dick is just realising was directed towards him, and he catches a glimpse of a diagram before he snaps it shut. By the flash of the cover he sees before it's tucked away, it's one of his history books again.

"Are you sure?" Dick asks warily, watching the way Bruce's hand twitches by his side. That hand gets shoved into his pocket, and Bruce grins at him, ruffling his hair with the other hand.

"Positive. See you for dinner?"

"Uh. I was gonna have a movie night with Wally in Keystone." Bruce sags slightly, and Dick gets the niggling feeling he fucked up. "Bruce—"

"Just ask next time, Dick," Bruce sighs over his shoulder, and disappears around the corner. Dick sinks back into his chair, watching the empty doorway, and sags. What did he do wrong?

The solicitor gathers his papers and leaves the room, and a stiff silence. "Bruce—"

"It's fine."

"Bruce—"

"Leave it, Tim," Bruce snaps, and rises from his seat sharply. "Just. Forget it. It doesn't matter now."

Damian wrings his hands. He can feel his face is wet. "Father. Why would Pen... Alfred not leave you anything in his will?"

Bruce shrugs weakly. "Why did Alfred do anything? Because I'm a disgrace to the House of Wayne."

The slam of the door at his exit makes the room jump. Dick exhales shakily. "Alfred wouldn't say that. ....right?"

"What's going on?" Bruce asks flatly, staring at the party seemingly going on in the common area.

A tense quiet sits over the room, until Oliver swans over to the door. "Sorry, kid," he hiccups, the liquid in his cup swaying dangerously. "Adults only." The door closes in Bruce's face, and he stares at the smooth steel a breath from his nose.

He immediately drops whatever fight he's in or wtv to go and see them, to touch and hug them, to defend them, smth smth smth

And the Batkid just refuses. They snap at him to 'stay focused' they dodge his hands and keep the Team updated, they steal his comm in order to tell the Fam what they learned while they were 'away' etc etc

But!

The second the mission is over, everyone is safe, clean up is happening, etc etc etc

The kid will SLAM into Bruce, full body, head first, absolutely zero restraint, just WHAM into him and hug him and bury their heads against his chest and nuzzle into the crook of his neck and wrap their legs around his waist and just not let go and he ofc doesn't falter, just holds them back just as tight and yea

idk its such a funny headcanon-

He’ll be reading a book in his study, and suddenly he notices a burn mark on his hand that he can’t remember getting. Yeah, he was in the kitchen earlier helping Alfred get stuff out of the oven, but he didn’t feel anything when he accidentally touched the hot pan.

He’ll be feeling a little dizzy after chasing Damian through the woods behind the manor, attributing his lightheadedness and weakness to overexertion since he and Damian were having so much fun. Turns out a thorn caught his pants and ripped down the side of his leg. He’s been bleeding profusely for a while and only noticed when Damian worriedly pointed it out.

No one else notices it for a long while, because why would Bruce ever feel like bringing this up to anyone around him, but slowly they start to pay more attention. Bruce doesn't enjoy that his kids can point out the fact that he's hurt before he bothers to take inventory of himself.

The kids start taking a page out of Bruce's book and carry around more bandages, not just for themselves. Bruce always has stuff on him, cause his kids are chaos junkies, but he deliberately chooses not to use them on himself when he gets hurt.

When Jason finds out that small tidbit, he almost cusses Bruce out, but Dick smacks him in the back of his head and asks him how that was gonna help the situation.

So yes, now Bruce reluctantly lets his kids cover him in Band-Aids whenever he gets even the smallest cuts or bruises.

Dick is the most dramatic when he puts bandages on, giving Bruce a loud, exaggerated kiss every time. Cass decides to follow in the footsteps of giving a kiss, but more sincerely, and asks Bruce to take care of himself. Jason tosses him a Band-Aid (specially made Red Hood themed) and nags him to pay attention before walking away, later nonchalantly trying to check if Bruce actually put the Band-Aid on.

Tim chooses the ugliest and worst Band-Aids he can find, and when Bruce jokingly complained, he found out Tim actually thought they were cute and got pouty for an hour until Bruce apologized. Stephanie exclusively has dinosaur Band-Aids specifically for him; she does not allow anyone else to use them.

Duke has all kinds of cartoons on his Band-Aids that Bruce has never heard of, but patiently listens to Duke rant and rave about the characters any day. Damian used to only use plain Band-Aids till Steph introduced him to the world of cute animal ones, and now he makes Bruce pick out which animal he wants.

Bruce gets hit by a spell, an artifact, whatever, and his thoughts are just being broadcast to the people around him, like, a reverse mind reading or something. And he doesn't know at all.

He doesn't know why Clark and Diana insist on him going home and staying home. He doesn't know why his children all come in, talk to him for a second, then blink at him like he grew a second head, and the burst into blushes or tears or run away straight into the door. Maybe part of whatever happened just rationalized the logic behind it, so he doesn't notice his thoughts are being broadcast at all.

Every single one of his children suffers because Bruce's thoughts, unless working on a case, is 80% how much he loves and adores them and their little quips and how much he misses them and what to hug them etc etc etc.

Even when Bruce is working, his thoughts are 20% about his babies, like how much faster Tim would've figured this out compared to him, how well Dick would've handled this part of mission instead, how proud he is of Jason, how well Damian is adjusting to being a child, how Steph totally would love this and he should bring her with him, how well Cass is learning to be human and when her dance recital is, how Duke is finally settling in with this family, and a brief moment of: maybe I should sue for custody, no no, that's not fair to Duke or his parents.

The batkids never called Zatanna faster in their life. They love it, don't get them wrong, but also there's something about it that is making them twitchy and they can only handle it for so long.

Like how do you not see it when it’s so obvious??

That’s exactly how I feel this would be with Bruce and the batkids. He’d be so used to seeing himself as worn down, older, past his prime or whatever. Meanwhile the kids are just there like ??? you’re literally Bruce Wayne???

He’d think they’re exaggerating or joking, while they’re genuinely baffled that he can’t see his own beauty

Anyways byeee(*^▽^)/★*☆♪

Hello anon~

I will follow this up from @occasionalauthoring's post bc I'm lazy and don't want to create a new layout.

So~ later that same night:

He moves into the Penthouse in one of the other League cities after making sure they're okay with that, and is caught off guard when his League Pack mate moves in with him without having to be asked.

Alfred leaves Gotham shortly after Bruce and the Kids received a message a couple of days later that anyone is welcome to take over the manor.

The newly cemented Justice League pack closes ranks around Batman, keeping the kids away when they start to come to their senses.

Fuck I had to scroll for so long to find this again

I feel like it would have to be Hal. Bruce looks at his bedroom that he tore apart in an emotional rage, reeking of his own distress, and decides he can't keep living in the manor. His kids didn't accept him, not even as an omega, it ended in yet another fight Bruce ran away from, back to this too big, empty house, and tore it to shreds.

He sends Hal a message, asking if he'd be comfortable with Bruce moving to Coast. The other side of the country, as far away from Gotham and his never ending failures as possible. Hal says yes immediately, and Bruce doesn't know about the worry he's sparked on the other end of the phone.

He's out of the manor and in a penthouse by the end of the week. Alfred is left a letter explaining he can quit or continue his employment, Bruce will compensate him either way, but his services are no longer required by him. If he wishes to continue serving the children or the manor, he is welcome to do as he pleases. He leaves the portraits and takes photos, momentos, leaving everything that would be out of place in the kind of place he'll be living in now.

The company has locations across the country, it won't be difficult at all to move primary processes to California rather than New Jersey, and the board kicks up a fuss, but Bruce knows it's just for show, they'll still do as he says. He doesn't see Tim at the meeting.

Bruce walks into his penthouse, knowing his movers have already been by to drop everything off, and blinks in surprise to find Hal rooting through the boxes. "You own some weird shit, Spooky."

"What are you doing here."

"That's an awful rude tone to take with your new roomie." Bruce objects, but Hal shuts it down with an unusually gentle demeanour, reminding him of everything he's going through. They're worried about him, Hal is just here as a friend. Nothing more.

"Nothing more?" Bruce purrs, stroking a hand up Hal's chest, and Hal groans.

"Maybe a bit more," he agrees, and kisses him.

The other Founders are seemingly under the impression Bruce suddenly has an open door policy, and are in and out of the penthouse as they please. J'onn still comfortably curls into Bruce's mind, checking in on him and never really leaving after the week they spent together. Clark doesn't bring up taking things further than that week, until Lois plants herself in Bruce's lap to ask him something; they've acted that way for years, but Clark nearly explodes seeing both his omegas together.

Diana is sparring with Bruce and he gets her in a lock with his thighs, the type of physical activity changes soon after that, a familiar routine enhanced by his recent changes. Mera stops by for a meal and informs Bruce they've discussed it before, but it's forbidden for an Atlantean ruler to bed/court someone with a more dominant dynamic than them. Kisses his cheek, and tells him to think about it now things have changed.

Barry and Bruce are up late troubleshooting some issues with JL tech, and Hal stumbles in half asleep, telling them off for being loud. He slumps against Barry, grumbling if they're going to keep him up he might as well help them, and gets a kiss from Barry in apology. Bruce knows Hal has been a third in Barry's marriage for years, but didn't expect to be included in that when Hal curls a fist into his shirt and pulls him into the fray. Oliver and Dinah live a lot closer to him now than they did when he was in Gotham, and it ends much the same way.

They've all been falling into bed with each other off and on for years, but Alpha Primes are notoriously solitary beings. Their raging, overfueled instincts clash with everyone around them no matter the dynamic, and it drives them into isolation. For all the JL loved Bruce, they had no choice in being forced apart, but now their human hearts and animal instincts are in alignment, and a large polycule quickly materialises.

Alfred comes by and bids Bruce goodbye, he is retiring and moving back to England. It's bittersweet, more bitter than sweet, age-old tensions rising for the brittle goodbye, and Bruce signs a generous severance package to cover what words can't. Alfred leaves, and Bruce is tugged down onto the couch by his partners that are there, and held as he comes to terms with finally losing his one constant.

Alfred turns the manor over to the kids, visiting them before he goes to Bruce. They finally go back to the manor. Properly empty for the first time since any of them have joined the family. Eerie, without any signs of life.

They find Bruce's room. The picture frames destroyed, the holes in the walls, the furniture upended, the stale, agonised scent of a distressed omega permeating every inch of the room. Worst of all, is the scraps of a nest visible among the mess. Damian picks up a shred of blanket, eyes empty as he stares at Bruce's lopsided mattress, the bedframe down two legs. "Father..."

The news has been covering Bruce Wayne's sudden departure for California, so they know where he is. Barbara quickly locates his new address. They surveille him for a few days, gathering information on his new life here.

When they finally approach, Clark meets them outside on the street. Warns them to go back to Gotham, they're not welcome if they're just going to hassle Bruce. Over his shoulder, they can see Hal talking to building security, pointing at them. Diana brings down the blinds on the windows, they manage to sneak past security, but knocking on Bruce's door has them out on their asses back at their vehicle before they can even realise Barry is there.

It is quickly made clear their attempts at contact are unwelcome. They try to plead their case, but Lois blocks the door and dismisses them with a sharp 'actions speak louder than words'.