asher.

“ah, man, this place is great. you know, this one house out in the boonies of Iowa still had the best damn lights I ever saw. i mean, before you could like program them to go along with music. just real, classic lights,” she shrugged under his arm, one of her own wrapped happily around him as they walked, chuckling at his comment, “oh, babe, I’m gonna buy enough pine to make your place smell like a forest,” she assured him. She tries to resist her smirk widening at the you two, but it doesn’t work, finally cracking a smile, “good, we’re good…. Hungry though,” she smirks, as it’s probably not a surprising answer, “snacks then ornament shopping for that bare ass tree?”

Christmas could’ve gone either way. Elana could’ve shown up right before dinner just to make an appearance, or she could’ve turned up hours and hours early and nagged her brother. Out of love, of course - she might not be ready to say it out loud but she can’t deny she’s missed him, and despite the weird mix of positive and negative emotions she’s chosen not to deal with, Elana wants to see Asher more than anyone else.

So, showing up five hours early with a bottle of scotch and and a few presents wins and Elana doesn’t regret it yet. “You know, this isn’t half bad.” She says to him as she takes another sip of eggnog. “I had a feeling you’d make it weak and boring, but you’ve done a decent job.” [ @goodfortuned ]

in the past asher had never really claimed to be a christmas kind of person, growing up all december had meant was that the gotham streets were colder than ever. things were of course different now what with the apartment, a steady job as well as a girlfriend he adored who just so happened to be pregnant. it was a lot, and yet having a nice christmas look more and more like an actual possibility. so when elana arrived ash couldn’t help but grin. not only were they going to be able to spend christmas together, but he was also going to take the chance to tell elana all about the incoming baby.

She hadn’t even been at Paragon for a week and a half and she managed to be late to work for the first time. If there was one thing about Cissie, it was how punctual she was. Always on time, always ready to start. She even sacrificed her morning coffee to make sure that she dropped Helen off at daycare earlier. What she hadn’t been expecting was traffic. The last few days were fine, but between the holidays and she suspected students coming back, Cissie couldn’t help but cringe. She wasn’t the type to sleep in. She wasn’t the type to wake up late. And here she was, at eight a.m. coming into the police department, fifteen minutes late. It was a new low, even for her, but she was too stubborn to call and admit to her lateness. Cissie was never late and always showed up, something that she was certain that Asher should know by now. 

She wasn’t skittish, she never was. Or maybe she once was when she was Arrowette, forced to live her mother’s lifestyle… and part of her wondered, would this have happened if she didn’t leave the vigilante lifestyle behind? Would her whole unit be dead? Would Ava and Asher been captured? She stopped in front of the door, swallowing whatever thought she had. No. She couldn’t think about any of that. Not now. Closing her eyes, she opened the door and glanced at Asher and it felt like a whole role-reversal. That she no longer called the shots, but he did now. “I can explain.” Cissie managed to bring out without stutter. Because she could. She was still adjusting to the roads and had no idea about the traffic of the students coming back. @goodfortuned

when cissie had shown up at paragon the only real emotion ash had really felt was elation. though really he should have known that it was only a matter of time until the three of them had ended up in one place again, he was just glad it was somewhere safe rather than overseas. cissie had always brought the male some level of comfort. even in seeing her around the station was just a little surreal still. most of that was due to their shift in roles he was certain. giving his her orders, being the one that she answered to rather than the other way around was something he didn’t think he was ever going to get used to.

he had noticed that cissie was late, of course he had, for nine years he had learnt to notice everything about each other so he was almost hyper aware of the fact that she was always on time. “you okay captain?” he asked with a raised brow, concern quite clear in his tone. the job was forgotten for the moment, in favour of checking on cissie. “alright i’m all ears,”

“well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” admittedly, lars loved babies, so if asher wanted an immediately apologetic answer, he wasn’t going to get one. well, that wasn’t fair – he would be comforting if that was what asher needed, but lars wasn’t sure why this would be such a bad thing. “miracle baby with the love of your life. that’s exciting, right?” was he failing to see the problem? “do you need to sit down or anything?”

he hadn’t been expecting his soaking wet visitor, but lars was always pleased to see asher – even if he currently looked not so great. the man wasn’t even able to invite his friend inside before the news sprung out of him. “well. alright.” he said rather sensibly, before ushering asher into the house and getting him a towel. “take your shoes off, wrap this around you, and explain that again, because… what?”

the tone of his voice grabs her full attention. her instinct is to go to him, but as soon as i can’t comes from his mouth, she freezes, staring at him. her eyes are confused, and for a moment it feels like the room tilts. she puts her hand on the chair, only easing when she feels wood start to groan under the pressure from her enhanced strength. but she stays upright, looking at him, that’s the important part to her.

she lets him speak, watches as he scrambles to grab things, partially because she has nothing useful to say other than hollow reassurances because she doesn’t even know if she can do this. she feels the panic rise from her stomach at the idea of him leaving. she steps between him at the door before thinking. he mouth is hanging open in confusion and there are certainly tears in her eyes that she’s trying desperately to keep contained. she’s not sure where it comes from in this moment, but her stubborn nature takes over the next moment.

“come back.” she grabs both of his arms, looking into his eyes totally unable to hide the panic and confusion… but she knows one thing for sure, and it’s that she can’t do this alone. a walk was reasonable, and she knew his past, what he’d lost, but she wasn’t about to act like she didn’t need the man that had so stubbornly assured her that it was the two of them against the world, “because you told me it was me and you and you don’t get to take yourself out of the picture now– just– please come back,” she sagged a bit as she cut herself off from a panicked ramble, hands dropping from his arms and pushing her hair back as she stepped aside, feeling utterly defeated, “okay?”

there are thoughts, dreams buried so deep down inside him that he could have sworn he’d forgotten, and yet at the thought of ava possibly being pregnant they bubble up in the back of his mind. a hand wrapping around his fingers, bedtime stories and whispered, gentle conversations. it seemed at least some part of him wanted this. no. he had a baby, his and bea’s baby. there wasn’t going to be another not ever, wasn’t that what he had sworn all that time ago. not that it seemed like he had much of a choice now. 

he can’t lie, the pained look on her face cuts deep into him, making him feel somehow worse than before. it wasn’t like he was facing just anyone. this was ava. his ava. frankly if he found himself in this situation he was glad it was with her at his side to make sure he could at least keep his head above the water. still there would be no real way to run away from this like he might have in the past. this was going to change everything.

“Dreaming of apples on a wall, and dreaming often dear, I dreamt that if I counted all, how many would appear?” A favorite riddle of the blonde’s, straight from the mind of her most favorite author. “Well, go on now and give it a try. Not like a wrong answer means you’ll die.”

If anyone else were to suggest a test? Ava would have snapped. She would have lashed out, demanding where they got off, talking about her body like that. No one else knew, surely she would know… But the truth is, Asher had the medical experience. She trusted his judgement more than anyone. He knew how she ticked. She leans into his kiss quietly, curling up to him for a moment. She allows herself to be small, to be afraid. After a silence that weighed on them both, she nods against him, “okay,” she finally says, quietly looking up at him. There’s nothing but trust in her eyes as she sighs, “alright, give it to me. Let’s get this over with.”

—–

After what was easily the most nerve-wracking pee of her life, she leaves her phone with a timer next to the test on the counter, walking out to Ash instead of waiting. She paces, biting her finger nails, and she can’t talk. She can barely look at Ash, very aware that in a way, he’s been here before. She’s worried about him, about how he’s reacting inside, something he’s always been so infuriatingly good at hiding. As soon as she hears her phone though, she strides towards the test, hands shaking as she picks it up.

And there, clear as day, is a glaring ‘+’ on the tiny screen. She let’s out a breath she barely realized she was holding, setting the test down as if it’s hot, holding out her hand towards Asher. “babe…” Her voice shakes, and none of her usual command shines through, “Ash….” He’s not far, but she doesn’t know what else to say. Her mind fills up with terror, because though she loved and adored her younger siblings sure…. There wasn’t a world in Ava’s mind where she was mother material. Fun, cool aunt? Sure. Mother? It was insane to her. But here they were, the positive symbol making her want to do nothing but quake. She looks at him, lost, not expecting a real answer, but needing to ask at any rate, “what do we… What happens now?” She doesn’t even realize one of her arms wrapped around her stomach.

he stays deathly still as they wait for the timer to end, leaning against his wardrobe, one of the very few pieces of furniture he had in the apartment despite the fact that there were two of them living there now. he does anything just to stop thinking. focuses in the crack in the wall that he really needs to fix, or elara’s coat that had been abandoned in the corner. it doesn’t help the moment he sees the plus symbol on the test.

“i don’t know,” he speaks his voice breaking. there’s no hiding from it now even if he wanted to. god, he had no real choice but to open himself up to a pain he really never wanted to feel again. he wasn’t meant for this, he wasn’t built for this. not to mention that it was just far too early. the horror that he could lose everything all over again hitting him in waves. “fucking hell ava i don’t know i cant-” he stops talking then. allows himself to let the sheer fear that he was going through show on his face as he looks at her.

[ text → asher ]: it’s just [ text → asher ]: something a little weird [ text → asher ]: but it’s good so i shouldn’t find it weird and i feel bad

“it’s alright, ash. you just caught me off-guard. i probably shouldn’t walk home this late on my own, anyway. it just… threw me for a moment, but no harm done.” she insisted, patting his arm fondly. adjusting her backpack on her back, winnie smiled tiredly up at her friend. it’d been a long, long day, and though it had been productive, she was thrilled to leave. seeing a friendly face just made her walk home a little nicer.

humming softly, accidentally hinting at how tired she was, the redhead shrugged. “the kids are great, but clean up takes forever. and what are you doing out so late?”

“well then it’s a good job i’m here isn’t it,” he joked with a grin. he liked winnie, she reminded him of his sister somehow, though he couldn’t put a finger on just about why. maybe it was just a refusal to see anything but the good in him. whatever it was he was grateul, there’s just something serene about her presence. they could walk home in silence and she would have still had the same effect.

clint liked his children’s significant others, generally speaking. he’d liked some better than others, and it was pretty well known amongst the family that jay’s partner aeron was one of his favourite people for virtue of simply being themselves. when it came to ash, the avenger was pretty sure he liked him. whilst he was confident that his children could make their own responsible decisions, and he knew how important he was to ava, he was always interested in who it was his children were bringing home.

looking up as the young man stood in his office doorway, clint smiled politely. he liked to think he was approachable, or at the very least that he was easier to deal with than bobbi, and so he waved ash in. “yeah, yeah… come in. take a seat.” he didn’t have anything to offer him to drink, and so instead he just nodded. “it’s nice to meet you. officially.”

it’s not something he’s every really had a family, at least in the traditional. his own amounted to little more than lars and elana, not that he needed more, he was lucky to have them, but it did make it hard to relate to ava when she was talking about her upbringing when really he would have done whatever it took to keep harvey away from the woman he loved. he never eally had birthdays or christmas with his parents, so in that regard they seemed like they were from different worlds entirely. then there was a pretty big difference between avenger and gotham rogue so maybe that had more than a little to do with it.

[ text → @goodfortuned ]: hey uh [ text → asher ]: can I talk to you about something?

To put it simply, this wasn’t happening. At least, whatever Asher seemed to think was happening, certainly was not possible. Ash himself had confirmed this one of the few times she woke up on a triage bed in the field after ash had operated on her, claiming there was no chance her body could bare a child after the blast she’d been in. It had meant her mood took a dark turn for a while, and she somehow more reckless than before, but there had been a silent knowledge of why among her team, a feeling none of them could truly understand.. And she’d worked through it eventually. In truth, she never pictured herself as a mother, especially with the things she did overseas, the memories of what she had been ordered to do. In her mind, it was a settled matter.

So, whatever was happening, whatever Ash thought was happening, simply could not be. No, the soldier had accepted the consequences of her actions, of running into a blast to save a life, and she stood by it. At the idea that this could be happening, ava felt her heart rate quicken and thoughts race. After accepting the loss so firmly before, the feelings of emptiness and failure began cropping up again– with a fresh dose of confusion thrown into the mix.

She didn’t mean to glare quite so much, but picking her head up from a toilet for the fourth day in a row could only hold so much affection, especially at his suggestion. She knew what he was thinking. Panic flared in her eyes at it, but instead of any helpful response, she simply shakes her head, “it’s a new allergy or something, because we both know I blew myself to hell and back in Marjah so whatever you’re thinking, isn’t happening.” She closes her eyes, presses her palms to her closed lids, and leans back into his touch, “it just can’t be,” but even as she said that, she thinks of all the other injuries she’s come back from, right as rain. This had all been very internal, and it’s not like they had a view of her insides in the months and years after the incident. She knew she was made to survive, her body made to thrive, and it had never terrified her so much as it did in this moment. After a long moment of silence, eyes still buried in her hands, she asks in a small voice that’s clearly showing her fear, a voice she hates showing but the growing blob of emotions in her chest made impossible to hide, “can it?”

frankly there was no way asher dent was father material, he had come close once, a life time ago and all that had done was managed to tare him inside out. it had taken him a long time to feel okay again, rationalising it with the fact that he really wasn’t in the place to raise a child and the only he would have been doing was continuing harvey’s cycle of being a shitty father. he was a ptsd having, borderline alcoholic, ex gang member. no sane person would want a child to be around that. still there’s a child’s name tattooed along his collarbone, a permanent reminder that he carried them with me no matter where he went and he knew even then that if what they were both trying so hard to ignore proved to be true he knew already that he was going to be there every single moment. he had to be.

still looking at ava, his chest hurt. he himself had been the one to give her news that had hurt her more than she had been willing to admit and if he was wrong about this then all he was doing was opening up the wound twice. still he had never known a body to heal like ava’s. so maybe that had something to do with it. such a thing happening would be a miracle, but not impossible given what had come before.

still he pushed the emotions away, something he’s rather good at now and learn against the doorway. “Hopefully I’m not disturbing you,” he spoke, he was still learning to sign and so really didn’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing. “Just thought I should come introduce myself... officially I mean,”