good christian memes

If I was Jesus I would’ve simply said no dad this is your dream

to be fair to Cain if nobody had ever died before and I didn't know it was possible I would probably also hit my brother over the head with a rock if he was being really annoying

um. guys. not to ruin anyone’s christmas or anything but a goblin army is approaching from the west

They are come seeking the christ child and are here to worship him

maybe cain wldnt have killed abel if they had video games to healthily channel the violence between siblings. unfortunately back then the only smash brothers they had was smash brothers head in with a rock

You have to careful about masturbating to your imagination cause god doesn’t know about imagination so he will assume you are jacking off to whatever is around you like dust, a dead bug, birds nest. And if you jerk off to a poisonous bug (or if god assumes you have) then you do go to hell

I'm getting death threats over this one

I PHYSICALLY CANNOT

judas was probably like "jesus has pulled off so many wacky things, he'll get out of this one lickity split, and i get three shiny coins out of it, too"

Is that a swarm of locust in your pants or are your dick and balls just heralding the end of days