they injected me with mental illness when i was a baby because they didn't like that i radiated moonlight and had stars inside my eyes. they were jealous of me.

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

scientists are in labs right now creating the thinnest and worst material known to mankind so they can make women’s clothing

Oh he's definitely eating it

scientists are in labs right now creating the thinnest and worst material known to mankind so they can surreptitiously eat it

"app" is without a doubt one of the deepest evils of the human race. "hello. would you like to be expected to have a bespoke piece of software for every single Brand you might theoretically interact with in a day" <- statement dreamed up by someone who should be drawn and quartered

I knew I was getting close to Textile City. I could see their monument, a colossal weaving device, looming in the distance.

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

im going to explode in the kiln

don’t worry. it’s easier to love you than you think

don’t worry. it’s easier to love you than you think

don’t worry. it’s easier to love you than you think

don’t worry. it’s easier to love you than you think

wait I have one more story. there's a group of anti-abortion protesters who often set up by the Ethiopian cafe I hang out in, and when I was waiting to cross one of them held up an aborted fetus sign and said "how does this make you feel?" and I said "hungry", and then I was so satisfied by my own cleverness that I missed the lights and stepped off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic