Relief

#long post

bpd is like… oh you cause me pain and make me feel unloved? I fucking love you so much. I will try so hard to get your attention and I’ll never get it.

bpd is like… you haven’t replied to me within five minutes. who is the whore? are you leaving me? oh god, anxiety attack.

bpd is like… holy shit, I’m so hot. Oh, nope, there’s the ugly. Oh wait, I’m hot again.

bpd is like… I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Oh, a little inconvenience? Now I hate you and you’re trash.

bpd is like… Oh, you cancelled plans because you had something important? bull shit, you hate me. Your love for me has faded. all of a sudden I feel like dying.

bpd is like… oh gosh, my heart is breaking. time to throw everything and cry uncontrollably.

bpd is like… I’m doing all this stuff I usually have fun with, but I’m so bored. No matter what, I’m bored. Empty, too.

bpd is like… I wanted to do this, but all of a sudden my goals have changed. I don’t even know who I am. they like that, so I guess I like it now. I don’t know what I like.

bpd is like… I did something really embarrassing three years ago. They probably remember It so vividly and think I’m stupid. I’m embarrassed all over again.

you are an active

* bpd related blog

* psychosis related blog

* anxiety related blog

* depressioin related blog

*actually any kind of mental illness related blog

by Darian Rehder (someone who has BPD)  Things to Understand:  1. Their moods change a lot. This is not your fault most of the time. They just feel a lot, and when they’re attached to someone it can make their feelings stronger. It doesn’t mean that they feel all those things about you all the time. 

2. They probably think you’re going to leave them about every day, sometimes more often. If they ask you if you still like them, it’s because they honestly don’t know if you still do. They need to hear it often.

3. If they get randomly angry in the middle of something that you don’t think needs that kind of response, it is usually because something has triggered them. Learn what triggers the person you’re with, so you can both work to prevent it. 

4. Because they feel intense emotions, they also feel love and happiness at large proportions. This is great, because it means they really appreciate their relationships! 

5. Their minds are often on the most emotionally simulating things in their lives, because emotions this strong are hard to ignore. This means you’re probably on their mind a lot. 

6. They do not want to hurt you, if they truly love you. Sometimes when they get angry or depressed or anxious they feel like they need to hurt you or run away or that they don’t love you. This isn’t true, and they often regret or don’t stand by their emotional breakdowns after awhile. Sometimes immediately. 

Things You Can Do:

1. Validate their emotions. Never call them too emotional, needy, dramatic, intense, etc. even if they call themselves that. 

2. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Chances are, they really do hold onto your words. 

3. If you are uncomfortable or need a break from them, which is okay, explain it in a way that makes them sure you aren’t going to leave and that you still love them or care about them. 

4. Do something that makes them feel loved and cared for.

5. If they’re in the midst of some negative emotion, don’t say anything judgmental, don’t tell them what to do, and don’t fight with them. This would be a good time to say something reassuring and kind with no judgmental or controlling undertones. If this doesn’t work and it seems to be going in a loop, refer to number three or continue to tell them how important they are to you. 

6. Remember that there are truths to everyone. Your person might feel like something is very sad, and it may not affect you at all. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong to feel that way. 

7. Spend lots of time with them! Spending time and using your actions is a good way to reassure someone of your love. 

8. Learn what they love and learn what really upsets them. It’s always good to know someone and work to avoid hurting them. They can do this for you too! 

9. Don’t take things to heart. I know this is hard, but when someone with BPD has a breakdown, they often say things that they don’t truly stand by in the end. When they apologize, they often mean it with their whole heart. 

10. NEVER ignore them, unless you absolutely have to. If you can’t talk or don’t want to talk, explain this to them instead of ignoring their messages. When you ignore them, they assume you are going to leave them or that something is wrong. 

Reasons Why Being with Someone Who Has BPD is NOT Bad

1. Their intense emotions are biological, in most cases. It’s the same thing as having less emotions. It is not a bad thing to feel deeply. 

2. They, most likely, love you with all their heart. BPD people have the biggest hearts and really will work to do nice things for you and make you feel loved. 

3. They are most likely loyal as hell, and will put a lot of time and energy into you. 

4. Like any mental illness, BPD is something people do not want to have. This fact will help you remember that they are not deliberately trying to hurt you in any way and really do wish they didn’t have BPD. This is why they ARE NOT ABUSIVE 

5. All relationships need work. Communicating and working together can actually strengthen the bond you two have. 

6. It can be helpful for someone with BPD to have a relationship so they can practice ways to manage their emotions and actions. Chances are, the longer you’re with them, the more comfortable they will be with you. 

7. They’re always there for you too! All people with BPD that I know, including myself, are very good at talking about issues and helping others with problems. If you want to talk, you can count on them to give you all of their effort to help. 

8. Imagine dating someone with no emotions. That’d be probably a lot harder! Appreciate the deepness of your person’s feelings. It can make life a lot easier! 

9. If they are in a relationship with you, it’s probably because they want to be with you. Keep this in mind when they start feeling negatively. 

10. It’s a relationship! That’s always fun. It will have challenges like all relationships, but remembering that you are with someone you love will always make it easier. 

So like, i feel like we’ve made some progress conceptualizing some aspects of bpd, a lot of which arent really stated as symptoms officially, so im just gonna summarize some points that’ve been more or less deemed collectively relatable. 

 no concept of units of measurement, applies to time, weight, distance, etc. cannot determine sizes without reference point 

 General no concept of time, memories are not stored linearly, incapable of determining passing time without a clock 

- ‘thought cloud’ thinking, mostly abstract/conceptual where conclusions are drawn from general ideas rather than formulatic logical reasoning, meaning:  A -> ???…C-B-> A -> ??!! AD->B…. = D VS. A -> B -> C = D 

 no object permanence heavily related to relationships with other people, relationship and concept of person vanishes when not interacting, incapable of manifesting a mental image of person when trying recall them, may recall them more as a concept or idea

  maladaptive daydreaming, escapist tendency to live in an elaborate fantasy world instead of real life, often related to a ‘story’ you create of how your life should go where you may play the ‘tragic hero’, confusion results when real life doesn’t line up accordingly to this story 

psychotic symptoms more common than initially believed, including delusional thinking, illusory/hallucinatory things, paranoia, etc. tactile hallucinations, shadow people, insects, dots, etc.

 default perception of vision may be different than normal, colors are brighter, sounds/tastes/all senses are slightly amplified, static or ‘snow vision’ common, objects can warp or melt in peripheral or blurred vision, patterns and textured surfaces glitter, move, or go all trippy, solid colors or empty spaces are perceived as multiple colors simultaneously

 sense of hunger is nonexistent or dysfunctional, hunger based heavily on emotions instead of a physical body response 

  tendency to draw the following: swirls, sky imagery, eyes, trees, circuits, dots, floaty and abstract subject matter that reflects ‘living in your head’, not being grounded, and have an intangible/fractured or ever-morphing sense of identity 

wanting to be sick or clinging to self-destruction as a consistent quality to base identity off of is common, suffering is so ingrained into identity and sense of self that recover is undesirable, wanting to present the image of being fucked up because at least you know how to do that right - black and white/all or nothing thinking is present in literally every aspect of life and logic processing, instinctual way of processing conclusions, thoughts, and feelings only exist on two extremes with no concept of a middle ground, this conflict leads to not being able to decide any aspect of yourself which leads to nonexistent sense of self

dissociative symptoms work on a spectrum, may include varying degrees of depersonalization/derealization, may occur episodic or chronically, and can range from a ‘not entirely there’ permanent mental state to a temporary state of panic where you’re completely detached from reality. the range and frequency of these variations are dependent on the individual 

psuedohallucinatory voices or people in head, may be described as facets, alters, or some other mystery category, can be percieved as seperate entities or different parts of you, conversations with these voices are common and may happen out loud frequently. headmates

“imposter syndrome” very common, where you question the validity/existence of your disorder, question whether or not you may have a completely different disorder, worry about faking it or exaggerating symptoms, want to prove the existence of your illness by getting worse, etc.

The ones who were cheated on, abandoned, and neglected say this. The ones who were in dangerous accidents/disasters say this. The ones who were horrifyingly sexually abused say this. The ones who were brutally beaten say this. The ones who were psychologically tortured for decades say this. What does that tell you? That one of the typical side-effects of trauma is to make you believe that you are unworthy of care.