someone else might have gotten it wrong

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍

*voice of someone craving even the tiniest sliver of control* i could make a spreadsheet,

How do I explain Plato's allegory of the cave to my cat?

gato’s allegory of the fishtank

Top ten reasons to kill yourself ranked by virtue

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

grocery store mission barely accomplished took massive damage to the hull and all internal systems. shield repair could take days

I wasn’t gonna talk about it but one of my parents died the other day and the weirdest part has been not talking about it, specifically because they sucked and I kind of don’t care and that’s not a very hashtag relateable thing to bring up around the office so I’m just walking around at work rn like “nah not much going on hbu”

As a “dark humour is my coping mechanism” person I would describe this feeling as “children’s birthday clown with a flashbang grenade” and I gotta say, the deeply fucked up power is intoxicating