Glitch

Lack of interest, attachment, bonding and positive engagement

My parent has never shown a lot of interest in what I want in my life

My parent has told me it doesn’t matter what I want

My parent doesn’t think much of my personality

There’s not many (if any) parts of me that my parent likes

My parent doesn’t do both-sided conversations with me; either I’m just a listener, or telling them exactly what they want to hear

My parent doesn’t indulge with my opinions, experiences, interests

My parent dismisses, argues, humiliates or ridicules my opinions, interests, dreams

My parent expected me to feel and think only what they feel and think

My parent dismisses, humiliates and argues opinions and feelings that in any way differentiate from theirs

My parent only spends time with me if they have to, or to use me

My parent doesn’t have activities they enjoy doing with me, we don’t have any traditions we enjoy together

My parent doesn’t approve or praise me for the work I do

My parent doesn’t show support when I’m trying to gain a new skill or experience

My parent isn’t invested in me learning and developing (except if it’s for their personal gain)

My parent makes me feel as if they’d rather not have me as child

My parent isn’t interested in giving me compliments, hugs, attention, approval or time

My parent convinced me I’m not important enough to have their attention

My parent gets angry if I want their attention

My parent blames me for wanting attention and shames me for it

I rarely or never felt acknowledged, seen, heard and accepted by my parent

I don’t feel valued or loved by my parent

Lack of protection

My parent doesn’t care if other children belittle, outcast, or bully me

My parent blames me for the getting hurt by other people

My parent thinks I should settle my problems without involving them

My parent dismisses me/gets angry with me if I try to tell them about scary or hurtful experiences I had

My parent claims I shouldn’t have gotten involved in problematic situation because it’s too much for them to handle hearing about it

My parent failed to protect me from a person who groomed me

My parent groomed me to accept abuse and neglect as normal

My parent failed to protect me from a sexual predator or harasser

My parent acted as a sexual harasser or a sexual predator towards me

My parent failed to protect me from an abusive friendship/relationship

My parent failed to be on my side after I got hurt/mistreated/molested by a relative, teacher, or peer

My parent failed to protect me from the abuse from the other parent/relative

My parent subjected me to institutional abuse and claimed that I deserved it

My parent sent me away to go thru an abusive program and claimed it was the right thing to do

My parent knew I was getting abused, and didn’t stop it

My parent acted as if they weren’t my parent while I was getting abused

My parent blamed me for getting abused by another parent/family member, and accused me of causing it

My parent doesn’t care if I get abused by another family member, as long as I don’t ask for help or speak out about it

I don’t think my parent cares for what I’m going thru

Lack of care during stress, trauma and pain

My parent rarely or never reassured or comforted me if I was upset

My parent dismissed my depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, self harm

My parent had no patience for my feelings, and didn’t pay attention to how I was reacting to a traumatic or stressful situation (moving, loss of a family member, accident, violence, trauma)

My parent preferred if I didn’t show any big emotions and would lose their patience or snap at me if I was too vulnerable or crying

My parent shamed me or punished me for expressing anger or rage

My parent didn’t take care to be gentle and warm with me when I was vulnerable or hurt

My parent didn’t offer reassurances or uplifting words when I felt hopeless or spiraled down

My parent didn’t teach me how to deal with grief, anger, shock or pain

My parent didn’t tolerate me expressing negative emotions

My parent was likely to punish me for expressing negative emotions

I didn’t feel safe showing pain or vulnerability in front of my parents

I felt that my parents found my vulnerability repulsive to see

I never felt safe confiding my true feelings to my parents, in fear of being dismissed or worse

My parent prodded or humiliated my emotions of stress, fear, worry, panic, grief or pain

I had to emotionally take care of my parents and understand how they felt if there was a stressful or traumatic situation going on

Lack of patience, kindness and compassion

My parent expected things of me that I wasn’t interested in doing

My parent set expectations for me that were not realistic for a child

My parent had no patience for me to learn and expected me to know everything in advance

My parent showed no joy in me learning, and instead berated me for not doing things good enough

My parent had no forgiveness for my mistakes

My parent punished me for making mistakes

My parent had no patience for me not understanding everything at once

My parent snapped at me or punished me for being confused or reluctant

My parent shamed me for my inexperience, lack of knowledge, lack of skill

My parent never invested a lot of patience or time in order to teach me something

My parent wasn’t interested in my growth except in how it would fulfill their expectations

My parent didn’t consider my happiness when they were setting goals for me

My parent expected me to cooperate and act happy regardless of what I was going thru

My parent made sure I knew my emotions didn’t matter if i didn’t accomplish what was expected of me

My parent made me feel like I was supposed to be a robot rather than a child

I felt like things would be better if I had no emotions at all

Lack of stability

My parent only cared for me on specific days when they were in a good mood

My parent would sometimes blow up and attack me for something I could usually do without being yelled at

My parent didn’t care if I had to tiptoe around them in fear of their rage

My parent’s rules or goalposts would change day to day; one day something was fine, another it wasn’t

My parent would sometimes attack me for not following the rules that were never made clear to me

My parent’s personality would change completely if they were under stress or influence (alcohol, drugs)

My parent subjected me to experiences of domestic violence, fighting, screaming, trauma

My parents had me witness them fighting or very hateful displays and never emotionally took care of me afterwards

I felt responsible for their domestic situation and worried I was the cause of fighting

My parent used to love me at some point when I was a child or successful in some area, but as the situation changed, their feelings changed, and I felt it my fault they stopped caring

I worried I was doing something to cause my parent to not love me anymore

I felt I was not worthy enough for my parent to feel any love towards me

I could never be sure what to expect out of my parent, and it caused insecurity and anxiety

My parent spent a big chunk of their life away from me, not keeping consistent contact

My parent disowned me, or disowned me for a certain period of time

My parent spent weeks/months/years completely unavailable to me

My parent hid my existence and made me feel like I was a shameful secret they kept

My parent had a life that I was never a part of and wasn’t allowed to come close to it

Lack of acceptance and threat of abandonment

My parent compared me to other “preferable” children to tell me what I should be like

My parent showed no interest to accept my personality, or my identity the way it is

My parent made it clear I will be punished if I act like myself

My parent argued against my plans and goals and tried to convince me I would never make it

My parent made me feel as if if it would be better if I didn’t exist

My parent convinced me it’s a crime for me to exist as I am

My parent made me feel as if I’m the least important family member, and the family could do (or would do better) without me

My parent told me they’d prefer if they didn’t have me

My parent threatened to kick me out

My parent threatened to abandon me

My parent threatened to put me into an orphanage or a home

My parent called or threatened to call the authorities on me

My parent threatened they’d leave me to to fend for myself without teaching me how

My parent made me terrified of being alone

My parent made me feel like I will always, no matter what I do, end up all alone

 If 5 or more of these statements are true for you, or even 1 from the ‘Protection’ category, you have experienced emotional abandonment from your parent or caretaker. This experience is beyond painful and damaging for your emotional well being, and is likely to cause major issues with self love, feeling of self worth, feeling of safety and trust, developing relationships and intimacy, and mental health.

If you are dealing with abandonment issues, struggle with insecurity and trust in your relationships, and generally feel like you have a big black hole inside of you, know that this is the normal way your brain is reacting to severely painful abandonment. Your ways of coping are there in order to protect you from future abandonment, and your issues a result of many unmet needs you parents were responsible to meet. This is how anyone would feel after being abandoned. The way you’re dealing with it is not your fault, and it doesn’t mean you should be shamed or that something is wrong with you. You are trying to put your life back together after abandonment. Your brain is just trying to make sure you don’t have to experience that debilitating pain of being abandoned and left alone again.

Its an advanced butterfly bandaid.

product invented -> problem with capitalist hellscape mildly circumvented -> americans celebrate because its incredibly good that this product exists -> non-americans telling us we’re dumbasses for? being happy theres a tiny little workaround for our shitty system? acting like we’re stupid for looking forward to a product that fixes an 800 dollar problem for a fraction of the cost?

Yes, there are Gods, and yes they have godly powers, even control over the very fabrics of reality.

But heres the kicker

They’re litterally just feral animals that will attempt to fight eachother on sight due to territory reasons and not give a single shit about the ramifications of their battles

and lots of people think this very likely,

“Oh little Sionnat has obviously been taken by the fairies and they’ve left us a Changeling Child who knows too much, and asks strange questions, and uses words she shouldn’t know, and watches everything with her big dark eyes, clearly a Fairy Child and not a Human Like Us.”

The Myth of the Changeling child, a human baby apparently replaced at a young age by a toddler who “suddenly” acts “strange and fey” is an almost textbook depiction of autistic children.

To this day, “autism warrior mommies” talk about autism “stealing” their “sweet normal child” and have this idea of “getting their real baby back” which (in the face of modern science)  indicates how the human psyche actually does deal with finding out their kid acts unlike what they expected.

But here’s the thing: life is louder, brighter and more intense and confusing than it has ever been. I live on the edge of London and I rarely go into the centre of town because it’s too overwhelming. If I went back in time and lived on a farm somewhere, would anyone even notice there was anything odd about me? No police sirens, no crowded streets that go on for miles and miles, no flickery electric lights. Working on a farm has a clear routine. I’d be a badass at spinning cloth or churning butter because I find endless repetition soothing rather than boring.

Last summer, he was working with one of the younger units comprised of ten year old boys. They had spent the night camping on another beach and were just readying themselves to depart. “Make sure you have all your things!” called my friend. “Don’t leave anything behind!”

One small boy came up, dragging a massive tangle of decomposing seaweed behind him. “But… what about me boy?” he asked, lip trembling.

“…what is ‘me boy’?”

The child held up the stinking wad of bull kelp. “This is him. This is Me Boy.”

“Me Boy is not coming back with us,” said his counselor. “You’re going to leave Me Boy behind on the beach where he belongs.”

The campers loudly mourned the loss of Me Boy. They insisted on giving him a Viking burial at sea, which just consisted of pushing him solemnly off the back of the rowboat into the water and watching him drift away in the surf.

That was only the beginning. Me Boy would be back.

The campers, in true camp fashion, possessed some kind of cultic hive-mind and a predisposition for bizarre memes. Me Boy would not be forgotten. They started telling each other stories about Me Boy and how he would one day rise again. There were warring factions with contradicting dogmas about Me Boy. Only when the gardener allowed them to take home a zucchini she had harvested did they find their god, born anew.

Me Boy, The Zucchini That Was A God, became the whole unit’s mascot. The kids would bicker over who got to carry him. They built nests and carriers for Me Boy and brought him to different activities, fiercely defending him from those that would do him harm. One child appointed himself the Voice of Me Boy and would translate the zucchini’s divine wishes into human speech.

It got out of hand. Me Boy had become a distraction, a fixation, a violent controversy. Something had to be done.

My friend, their counselor, took it upon himself to kill Me Boy. The children wailed in despair as he chopped their God into refreshing slices. With this sudden turn of fortune, followers of Me Boy turned to theophagy. “We must eat him to preserve his power!” they cried. Boys who would otherwise never have touched a vegetable ate greedily of this sacrament, eager to let Me Boy live on within them.

For a time, it seemed that peace and order had been restored, and the religion had already faded into its silver age. But only for a time.