This is it

being a robotfucker while also being tech illiterate is so embarrassing

i'm like a straight man who doesn't know how to find the clit

i love the point in the hero’s journey where he gets bent over and railed until he cries

whispering "do it scared" to myself before taking a deep breath and entering the bank to commit my first armed robbery

choose your sex and gender for free at ihop.com

froose your shrex and frender for free at ifrop.com

when will your fucking reign of terror end

You're right but don't say it like that

At this rate Matt Damon and Ben Affleck could have news in a few years

whoever made that post that's like "depressed people aren't listening to sad music they're listening to wild ones by flo rida at 7 in the morning" has ruined my life. sitting in my car outside work right now feeling like shit emotionally but at least hollaback girl is playing on the radio

this shit is bananas.

I was fast graceful and gorgeous at the airport like a leopard

We need to figure out how to communicate "thank you, that was very cool" to whales. And also "please do not do that, that was scary", but that's secondary. Imagine what kind of shit humans would get up to if any time you're out and doing things, there's an above zero chance that you hear a handful of beetles making a tiny sound of waow. nice. and a round of teeny tiny applause.

Not to keep bragging about my masculine vibes, but another very pleasant dementia patient today called me nice young man. Assigned gender by Gladys.

i love replying 👍 to my parents. two can play this game

arcane giving us two gay divorces in 3 episodes...one word i have to describe this season is homophobic