shitpost central

it is a rookie mistake to assume that the person making deeply anachronistic, inaccurate, and fairytale-esque knightposts knows nothing about real knights. i know all about real knights. i just think overseeing the farmland on your estate, explicitly being in it for (more) land and money, fighting less than half the year, and dying of cholera is sort of boring while swearing undying oaths is really sexy

english major macklemore: i read your granddad’s prose

therapist macklemore: i hear your granddad’s woes

coffee enthusiast macklemore: i drink your granddad’s joes

body mod shop owner macklemore: i pierce your granddad’s nose

pizza chef macklemore: i knead your granddad’s doughs

television network executive macklemore: i make your granddad’s shows

wildlife rehabilitator macklemore: i feed your granddad’s crows

blanket maker macklemore: i knit your granddad’s throws

sir mackle the more, knight of the great kingdom of seattle: i slay your granddad’s foes

rapper macklemore: i spit your granddad’s flows

saw a post letting people know that your ao3 bookmarks are viewable on your account unless you make them private, which suggests that the median ao3 user does not use ao3 in what i will call 'the optimum fic-finding treadmill' where you find a fic author you like and look through their bookmarks to find more fics that are good and then look through that author's bookmarks for even more good fics. like a conga line of great but extremely specific tastes. or one of those chessboard rice doubling analogies and oh no that is a LOT of ao3 tabs.

Your friend’s unpublished fic idea is kind of a dead wife

i also want to read this guy’s dead wife

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

internet friends are kinda like illegally downloaded friends. you don’t get the physical copy but you still get all the great content

#i’d illegally download you all

reblog if you’d illegally download your followers

Ice beam is low-key a sauceless "standard" move for its type

yes but it goes foowaaaa ting ting ting ting ting ting and i really like that part

Fuck you're right post cancelled

THIS IS THE HARDEST I HAVE LAUGHED IN SO LONG YOU HAVE CURED MY DEPRESSION

This is one of the greatest posts I’ve ever witnessed. The payoff was amazing.

My roommate heard it going and went “OH MY GOD is it EVER going to resolve?” then the payoff hit and she busted up laughing

in a saw trap and jigsaw does the opening monologue and rod serling does the closing monologue and then you get to watch them argue about what kind of media they’re in

Mr. Kramer, for the last time, if the moral lesson is paralleled by the situation, it is my jurisdiction.

If the victim needs to sacrifice something to either validate or refute their personal morality, it’s a trap. I’m not having this fucking conversation again, Rod.

I'm apparently so consistently aroace that a friend of mine uses me as a measurement for whether or not something counts as "romantic," based on when I stop understanding what he's talking about.