Mike Driver
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
AnasAbdin
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
d e v o n

Discoholic đĒŠ
Show & Tell

JVL
Keni
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

â

Janaina Medeiros
Xuebing Du
i don't do bad sauce passes
ojovivo

blake kathryn
we're not kids anymore.

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@gideonchampion

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A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. âDo I look like a fool?â said the frog. âYouâd sting me if I let you on my back!â
âBe logical,â said the scorpion. âIf I stung you Iâd certainly drown myself.â
âThatâs true,â the frog acknowledged. âClimb aboard, then!â But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown. âWhy on earth did you do that?â the frog said morosely. âNow weâre both going to die.âÂ
âI canât help it,â said the scorpion. âItâs my nature.â
___
âĻBut no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the frog felt a subtle motion on its back, and in a panic dived deep beneath the rushing waters, leaving the scorpion to drown.
âIt was going to sting me anyway,â muttered the frog, emerging on the other side of the river. âIt was inevitable. You all knew it. Everyone knows what those scorpions are like. It was self-defense.â
___
âĻBut no sooner had they cast off from the bank, the frog felt the tip of a stinger pressed lightly against the back of its neck. âWhat do you think youâre doing?â said the frog.
âJust a precaution,â said the scorpion. âI cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fairâs fair, isnât it?â
They swam in silence to the other end of the river, where the scorpion climbed off, leaving the frog fuming.
âAfter the kindness I showed you!â said the frog. âAnd you threatened to kill me in return?â
âKindness?â said the scorpion. âTo only invite me on your back after you knew I was defenseless, unable to use my tail without killing myself? My dear frog, I only treated you as I was treated. Your kindness was as poisoned as a scorpionâs sting.â
___
âĻâJust a precaution,â said the scorpion. âI cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fairâs fair, isnât it?â
âYou have a point,â the frog acknowledged. âBut once we get to dry land, couldnât you sting me then without repercussion?â
âAll I want is to cross the river safely,â said the scorpion. âOnce Iâm on the other side I would gladly let you be.â
âBut I would have to trust you on that,â said the frog. âWhile youâre pressing a stinger to my neck. By ferrying you to land Iâd be be giving up the one deterrent I hold over you.â
âBut by the same logic, I canât possibly withdraw my stinger while weâre still over water,â the scorpion protested.
The frog paused in the middle of the river, treading water. âSo, I suppose weâre at an impasse.â
The river rushed around them. The scorpionâs stinger twitched against the frogâs unbroken skin. âI suppose so,â the scorpion said.
___
A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. âAbsolutely not!â said the frog, and dived beneath the waters, and so none of them learned anything.
___
A scorpion, being unable to swim, asked a turtle (as in the original Persian version of the fable) to carry it across the river. The turtle readily agreed, and allowed the scorpion aboard its shell. Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtleâs thick shell. The turtle, swimming placidly, failed to notice.
They reached the other side of the river, and parted ways as friends.
___
âĻHalfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtleâs thick shell.
The turtle, hearing the tap of the scorpionâs sting, was offended at the scorpionâs ungratefulness. Thankfully, having been granted the powers to both defend itself and to punish evil, the turtle sank beneath the waters and drowned the scorpion out of principle.
___
A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. âDo I look like a fool?â sneered the frog. âYouâd sting me if I let you on my back.â
The scorpion pleaded earnestly. âDo you think so little of me? Please, I must cross the river. What would I gain from stinging you? I would only end up drowning myself!â
âThatâs true,â the frog acknowledged. âEven a scorpion knows to look out for its own skin. Climb aboard, then!â
But as they forged through the rushing waters, the scorpion grew worried. This frog thinks me a ruthless killer, it thought. Would it not be justified in throwing me off now and ridding the world of me? Why else would it agree to this? Every jostle made the scorpion more and more anxious, until the frog surged forward with a particularly large splash, and in panic the scorpion lashed out with its stinger.
âI knew it,â snarled the frog, as they both thrashed and drowned. âA scorpion cannot change its nature.â
___
A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. The frog agreed, but no sooner than they were halfway across the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown.
âIâve only myself to blame,â sighed the frog, as they both sank beneath the waters. âYou, youâre a scorpion, I couldnât have expected anything better. But I knew better, and yet I went against my judgement! And now Iâve doomed us both!â
âYou couldnât help it,â said the scorpion mildly. âItâs your nature.âÂ
___
âĻâWhy on earth did you do that?â the frog said morosely. âNow weâre both going to die.â
âAlas, I was of two natures,â said the scorpion. âOne said to gratefully ride your back across the river, and the other said to sting you where you stood. And so both fought, and neither won.â It smiled wistfully. âAh, it would be nice to be just one thing, wouldnât it? Unadulterated in nature. Without the capacity for conflict or regret.â
___
âBy the way,â said the frog, as they swam, âIâve been meaning to ask: Whatâs on the other side of the river?â
âItâs the journey,â said the scorpion. âNot the destination.â
___
âĻâWhatâs on the other side of anything?â said the scorpion. âA new beginning.â
___
âĻâAnother scorpion to mate with,â said the scorpion. âAnd more prey to kill, and more living bodies to poison, and a forthcoming lineage of cruelties that you will be culpable in.â
___
âĻâNothing we will live to see, I fear,â said the scorpion. âAlready the currents are growing stronger, and the river seems like it shall swallow us both. We surge forward, and the shoreline recedes. But does that mean our striving was in vain?â
___
âI love you,â said the scorpion.
The frog glanced upward. âDo you?â
âAbsolutely. Can you imagine the fear of drowning? Of course not. Youâre a frog. Might as well be scared of breathing air. And yet here I am, clinging to your back, as the waters rage around us. Isnât that love? Isnât that trust? Isnât that necessity? I could not kill you without killing myself. Are we not inseparable in this?â
The frog swam on, the both of them silent.
___
âIâm so tired,â murmured the frog eventually. âHow much further to the other side? I donât know how long weâve been swimming. Iâve been treading water. And itâs getting so very dark.â
âShh,â the scorpion said. âDonât be afraid.â
The frogâs legs kicked out weakly. âHow long has it been? Weâre lost. Weâre lost! Weâre doomed to be cast about the waters forever. There is no land. Thereâs nothing on the other side, donât you see!â
âShh, shh,â said the scorpion. âMy venom is a hallucinogenic. Beneath its surface, the river is endlessly deep, its currents carrying many things.âÂ
âYou - Youâve killed us both,â said the frog, and began to laugh deliriously. âIs this - is this what itâs like to drown?âÂ
âWeâve killed each other,â said the scorpion soothingly. âMy venom in my glands now pulsing through your veins, the waters of your birthing pool suffusing my lungs. We are engulfing each other now, drowning in each other. I am breathless. Do you feel it? Do you feel my sting pierced through your heart?â
âWhat a foolish thing to do,â murmured the frog. âNo logic. No logic to it at all.â
âWe couldnât help it,â whispered the scorpion. âItâs our natures. Why else does anything in the world happen? Because we were made for this from birth, darling, every moment inexplicable and inevitable. What a crazy thing it is to fall in love, and yet - Itâs all our fault! We are both blameless. Weâre together now, darling. It couldnât have happened any other way.â
___
âItâs funny,â said the frog. âI canât say that I trust you, really. Or that I even think very much of you and that nasty little stinger of yours to begin with. But Iâm doing this for you regardless. Itâs strange, isnât it? Itâs strange. Why would I do this? I want to help you, want to go out of my way to help you. I let you climb right onto my back! Now, whyever would I go and do a foolish thing like that?â
___
A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. âDo I look like a fool?â said the frog. âYouâd sting me if I let you on my back!â
âBe logical,â said the scorpion. âIf I stung you Iâd certainly drown myself.â Â
âThatâs true,â the frog acknowledged. âCome aboard, then!â But no sooner had the scorpion mounted the frogâs back than it began to sting, repeatedly, while still safely on the riverâs bank.
The frog groaned, thrashing weakly as the venom coursed through its veins, beginning to liquefy its flesh. âAh,â it muttered. âFor some reason I never considered this possibility.â
âBecause you were never scared of me,â the scorpion whispered in its ear. âYou were never scared of dying. In a past life you wore a shell and sat in judgement. And then you were reborn: soft-skinned, swift, unburdened, as new and vulnerable as a child, moving anew through a world of children. How could anyone ever be cruel, you thought, seeing the precariousness of it all?â The scorpion bowed its head and drank. âHow could anyone kill you without killing themselves?â
The greatest
Footage of a mid air collision between a pair of Navy Super Hornets/Growlers during the Gunfighter Skies Air Show at Mountain Home Air Force Base today, with all four crew bailing out. 17 May 2026
inherent gay need to redesign my bedroom every 3 months
gays, home of sexuals, lgbtqs, help me redesign my bedroom because i cant live like this anymore. make suggestions & i will move items accordingly (everything in purple is stuff i can move). only requirement is that my bed is in some corner bc if it doesnât touch two walls ill die
Barricade the door
great ! are there other suggestions that arent this !
Barricade the window

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Oi dont even joke lad
Gerard P Donelan
I love the notes saying this femme knows exactly what she's doing and it's all part of her flirting technique. You get it.
More of his stuff and about him
My absolute favorite of his work
Lest we forget "The Quilt" (not as funny, but worth a mention)
BANDIT PLATE
competitive potluck - everyone at a table with long utensils and bandit plate rules. youre not allowed to eat your own food but you must try to guard it
guy who installs an adblocker and forgets about it and lives in a beautiful world where online ads have become much less frequent
lalala world so beautiful advertisements so extinct (opens website on mobile)AAAAAH!!!!!!! OH GOD MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!

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Red Knight by Ami Thompson
I lowkey hate when programs talk to me in a friendly way. "don't worry, nearly there!" Shut up. It should say "loading 64.3% completed. Do not turn off device" and absolutely nothing else. You arent my friend you are computer. Act like it
The public bins in Whitby, North Yorkshire, say "Thank you for using me!" when you step on their pedal and put rubbish in them.
I guess humiliation is one of the better kinks to be giving robots but that doesn't make it good.

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if karl marx was born today he would be a baby. and it would be his birthday
when you go to a doctors office their favorite thing to do is tell you "okay check out at the front desk" when you're done. and the front desk tells you ummm you can just go! and you're like don't I have a copay? and they're like we don't know, we have to ask your insurance company first. and you're like well my insurance card says the copay is $30, can I just pay it right now while I'm standing in front of you? there's a card reader right there on the desk. and they're like nooo we have to send a representative on horseback during the next waning moon to meet with their claims adjusting associate director of benefits management and client services in the secret glade to negotiate. and you're like oh okay and go home. and you get twelve emails asking you to take a survey about your experience
AND THEN in eight months you start getting phone calls from unknown numbers and when you finally check your voicemail they're like Your Balance Is Past Due We're Going To Kill You (even though by this point you have forgotten that you ever went to the doctor). and so you go to your MyChart account and log in with your username and password and you have to reset your password for security reasons. and you get two emails that say Your Password Has Been Reset. Was This You? and you have to go find your phone and enter your two factor authentication code and then you have to select which location you visited and then you have to click through all the Reminder: Complete Your Health History Profile where they ask if you've had any new surgeries even though you definitely told the nurse about this at your visit and then you have to find the Pay Bills tab and your balance is $179.23 and you're like why is it so expensive I thought the copay was $30? and you download a PDF of the charges and find out that they charged a late fee of $15 a month even though that doesn't add up to $179.23 and you don't even remember being told you had any balance at any point and you could call a representative and ask about it but that would probably take at least half an hour and there's no way it would actually get rid of the charges. so you go pay it anyway and you have to go find a paper check to look up your bank account routing number because they'll charge you an extra 3% if you pay with a credit card and there's a fee of $2.75 for convenience also. and then you get three emails that say We've Received Your Payment! Thank You For Your Payment!