My Talent Lies in Burning Bridges.

not what I thought they was talkin about

Pro-censorship wattpad refugees drama is so funny to me because when I started using ao3 as a kid I was a devout mormon and I thought that reading anything even remotely pornagraphic was a sin and would ruin my life. So when I was 13 and found ao3 I went "oh awesome I found a fanfic website with a filtering system so I won't ever randomly stumble into porn. This is great! I was really worried about seeing something I didn't want to see on the other platforms." I didn't read any smut online until like three years later. If a mormon 13 year old can figure out 'don't like don't read' wattpad users can too cmon you guys i believe in you.

Don't listen to anything your brain tells you after (checks time) noon.

Don't listen to anything your brain tells you after you wake up.

listen to the amulet.

babys dont even say gogo gaga anymore they just bite you and inject you with their babypoison

Its actually babyvenom. Do you know nothing about babies?

hey buddy figured id give you a heads up i found two bigass birds and paid them 10 bucks each to swoop down when you aren't paying attention and grab one of your arms each and pull as hard as they can to rip you in twain midair. so id start investing in ankle weights or something because you're gonna need em

Loved the follow up to this where the neighbor was confronting her about this video and she was gaslighting her neighbor again by askin if all viatnamese people look the same to them

Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.

squidward really was such a dramatic faggot we don't talk about it enough. he bought a cemetery plot with a tombstone that said "here lies squidward's hopes and dreams". and he quietly yet tearfully laid flowers at it. and like he was doing that for no known audience. he didn't know mr. krabs was watching. faggot hijinks that make rupaul look masc.

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

the only thing stronger than the gastric distress i get from eating cherries is my love for eating cherries

what

thank you. im once again reminded why i love tumblr because where else could i get content like this