hotdog nachos

(Walking out of the Chernobyl reactor core) "whew! Do NOT go in there!"

Jesus was an empath for sensing that one out of his 12 boy toys was going to betray him.

i was worried my cat is dehydrated because i never see him drink water so i’ve started leaving a cup of water that’s “mine” (aka he sees me drink out of it once before he does) in my room so he thinks he is being a rebellious naughty by drinking out of it but rlly he is just following my plan & being hydrated .

God in the Garden of Eden

Absolutely obsessed with the implications of this comment

How To Validate A Child’s Work Without Swearing and Saying “Lil Dude That’s Fuckin Sick”

his cock was kafkaesque her pussy was lynchian can i make it anymore obvious

Hungarians: What ass?

mothers are insane they'll come into your bedroom exhibit mental illness then just leave

yes I'm at Wendy's yes my cunt is out

they ain't the only bitch with a juicy $4 baconator

category 5 tummy event

#Alien (1979)

why do US military bootboys walk around in public in their cringe costumes all the time

everybody at this gas station MUST clap and cheer for the special boy on his big day out

ya i can be your housewifey *burns the hellofresh meal i was making bc i was looking at my own ass for 5 minutes

i could fix him but honestly whatever the hell is wrong with him is way funnier