A Hecking Mess

i dont wanna work i wanna get felt up by 6-12 disembodied hands (female)

“Put him on his knees give him something to believe in” has the exact same energy and depth of meaning as anything Hozier puts out on the regular but since it’s sung by Megan Thee Stallion no one takes it seriously. In this essay I will-

To flesh this out a little bit more: both Megan Thee Stallion and Hozier write and sing really sexual songs, but they’re different in that Hozier’s music is typically “let me worship you” while Megan’s is usually “I’m worshipping myself,” which makes all the difference because it’s an acceptance of power rather than the giving of it. He’s the sinner, she’s the saint. However, taking their difference in genres out of it, people don’t usually seem to take Megan Thee Stallion’s music seriously in comparison to Hozier because a) her lyrics are more overtly and blatantly sexual and b)she’s claiming her sexuality for herself, and that scares a lot of people. The secret, no-one-wants-to-talk-about reason is that she’s a confident black woman, which terrifies people way than sex does. In conclusion, Hozier and Megan Thee Stallion are two sides of the same poetic, sexual coin, but people just don’t want to admit it. Which is WHY a collaboration between Hozier and Megan would be so powerful that it would change the timeline as we know it yes I will elaborate 

I need to bite something until it breaks. I need to jack off. I need to set fire to a large structure. I need to sprint into the woods

Wait youre telling me in the usa if youre sick you cant just show up to a hospital, get checked, sent home and get your day paid by the social security or sometimws your job?

Nope we just gotta walk it off

Man I miss free the nipple. Its getting warmer and we don’t even have free the nipple anymore

hey genuine question what would you guys do if in the live-action zelda movie link is mute for almost all of it but then he has one (1) line and it's "well excUUUUUUUUuuuuuuUUUUUUse ME, PRINCESS"

crazy how there are only 2 hours of doing things every day before you keel over and die. if this werent normal id be worried

Say it with me! Wheelchairs aren’t sad! Mobility aids aren’t sad! Mobility aids are instruments of freedom!

pulling yourself up by your strap-on or whatever they say

"you can jack off you can eat grapes all else banned" is kind of the post of the summer because literally wtf else are you supposed to do once it’s 30°C outside