that man is going to combust with love
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that man is going to combust with love
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"and then if people saw us out in public or whatever, it wouldn't be so fucking crazy" god shane & ilya's first date out in public is going to be so stupid. out at lunch ostensibly discussing a foundation thing but neither of them can stop grinning. their shoes are touching under the table. shane argued they shouldn't fuck beforehand but ilya made some persuasive counterarguments ("what, you think they'll see it on you, big just got fucked sign? hollander, if that's true we're already fucked" while sucking shane's dick) and now when shane shifts in his seat ilya flicks his eyebrows up like he knows exactly what shane's feeling (a little tender, a little open). shane pays for lunch without thinking and then says "my treat, don't worry," when ilya makes a move, so okay they're definitely gonna fuck again in half an hour while ilya murmurs "my rich boyfriend... what else can you treat me to" into shane's ear from behind
Have we considered somno for Hollanov where Shane wakes up in the middle of the night because Ilya’s moaning softly in his sleep and he’s hard as a rock and Shane swears he heard his name somewhere in there-
so he needily preps himself, trying to stay as quiet as possible before straddling Ilya, positioning him and sinking down on his cock with practiced precision and effort; and Ilya wakes all at once, eyes shooting open but lids heavy with sleep, so so so close to cumming already with the imagined heat and tightness of Shane’s hole replaced by the even sharper reality of it.
Shane is hard by now, too, just the anticipation and action of the whole thing has him on the edge, and it only takes three full thrusts for Ilya to whine and shake and cum so hard he’s gripping onto Shane’s waist like a vice. Too tied to mask with bravado, Ilya’s sleep soft noises of pleasure fill Shane’s ears like music and he’s riding Ilya with a renewed aggression, ignoring his husband’s over-sensitivity, until cum starts to spurt from his untouched cock all over Ilya’s chest. all Ilya can say is a reverent and broken ‘oh my God’ before they’re collapsing into each other.
Do you ever spare a moment to think about the little gay weirdo kids at Shane Hollander’s high school who all hated him on principle because he was this big jock asshole (even if he wasn’t an asshole really he just didn’t know any of them existed) and he got to cut class to play stupid hockey and he wouldn’t know the first thing about social issues if one smacked him upside the head and maybe they all had crushes on him but he was too distant and perfect and obviously straight and a hockey Neanderthal and fuck him. What an annoying guy
And then one morning a decade later you wake up and that annoying guy from high school is shoving his tongue down the throat of another player. He’s Mr Gay Hockey Canada. He’s
It must be so crazy for the Centaurs players the emotional whiplash between chirping Hollanov for their lovey dovey antics and them going along with it and then Ilya or Shane randomly dropping the saddest fucking thing you've ever heard.
Ilya's getting chirped for constantly spamming the group chat with photos of them and someone say they must have a dozen photo albums at home and Shane's like, "Well we don't have any photos from before 2021"
Or one of the rookies is debating how much they like some girl and Shane walks by and off-handedly advises, "You shouldn't sleep with anyone unless you're 100% sure you're into it, trust me on this one"
They're also insanely good at charades because their non-verbal communication is uncanny and finally Ilya's like, "well yes, we could not speak in public for a very long time"

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dumb questions the Boston Raiders would (want to) ask Ilya about gay (sex) if they knew about Hollanov
Does it still count for the playoffs sex ban if it's with a dude? You know, like the poophole loophole. No I'm not asking for me! Wait that's not why you picked a man right?
Can I bring my girlfriend when we go to Boston Pride? Or is that not allowed?
Do you guys just get to leave the toilet seat up at home?
Are men better at sucking dicks?
Wait so were you lying about liking Dunkin too because I thought gay people prefer Starbucks?
Aren't you sad you'll never be able to do to it raw? And the follow-ups: doesn't it make your dick smell like ass? Wait but you never have to worry about getting pregnant that's awesome bro.
Are you going to make me vote now?
How can you tell you're like actually into dudes? Because like I can look at a dude and go “yeah he's hot” but I don't want to bang him
Aww man you must miss pizza. Because of the gluten. I thought gay people can't have it?
If you got married who would be the groom?
If you could suck your own dick, do you think you'd be more turned on by having your dick sucked or by doing the sucking?
Does this mean they'll let us in the gay clubs now? Because we've got a gay.
So who nags you to put your socks in the hamper? Dude you guys must have socks everywhere.
Did you just bang all those chicks so people wouldn't think you're gay? Because I think you might have overdone it bro.
Is that why Hollander randomly started dressing well? Because he turned gay?
Who sends you the flags? Have you got yours yet?
How the fuck did you know he was gay before you hit on him? Or have you just been trying to pull half the league and Hollander's the only one that took the bait. Wait did you hit on Scott Hunter?
(drunk and emotional) please don't have Hollander’s babies until after you've retired. We need your body for hockey
I just can't get my head around what you guys do together. Like do you just hang out doing dude shit and then fuck? Like do you play Xbox and then suck each other off? Because that sounds awesome.
Have you ever got turned on by your own dick?
I thought you had to go to college to be gay?
digestion and assimilation, masquerading as inclusion, interconnection, and kinship -> Midsommar (2019) & Sinners (2025)
so we kid about Shane and baby's first chirp, but Shane IS a good chirper! He IS.
"So what, just a bunch of Finnish guys talking about the cousins they're in love with?" - Sideswipe at Finland for no reason! Presenting this grade a chirp to his crush like a penguin with a pebble! 1221/10 blowjob worthy chirp
"You'll look great in silver, Vaughny, don't even stress." The bro-yness! The swagger! 12/10 - excellent chirp!
"Jeez, Hayden, you wanna get me pregnant too? I don't think I'm ready. I think I've still got some good hockey left in me." The chirp that launched 1000 mpreg fics. 81/10
The point here is that Shane is:
☝🏽funny
and
✌🏽bitchy
and I think it's important that we remember that!
Let us not forget:
(Buffalo is terrible) "Yeah, and their team sucks too." - 67/10, inspired a very bad dtr/frottage/first name drops/tuna meltdown.
EXACTLY
Shane is a bitchy jock and i LOVE him for it.
Like, sure, Ilya is going to bounce on the balls of his feet and tell Scott that the sound coming from his knees keeps making Ilya think the ice is cracking
But Shane???
Shane is going to lean in and say "my dad uses H-45 Just For Men and the shade looks really natural. I can get you the link if you want."
Ilya says the shit that makes Scott want to punch him in the face.
Shane says the shit that makes Scott wake up at 3:16 am, shaking Kip awake "baby, kip, wake up, kip - are my grays really noticable? no, Kip, this can't wait. Turn on the light, Kip are my gr-"
being sick & miserable objectively sucks, but it has become significantly easier to cope with since learning that “sickness behavior” is a well documented part of the body’s immune response
feeling not only physically but also emotionally like fucking garbage is unfortunately an extremely effective way to force your body to prioritize fighting infection & keeping you alive. i don’t have to like it, but knowing why i get weepy & pathetic when sick does help at least a little
i just found out that this is not common knowledge and am reblogging so more people know
YOUR BODY DOES THIS ON PURPOSE
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON BECAUSE OR "WEAK" WHEN YOU ARE SICK IF YOU CAN"T CARRY ON AS NORMAL
Rereading this on my sick days 🙏🏽
The forehead kiss was too sweet for that point in the story, but they couldn’t help it. The stairwell kiss was too tender for that point in the story, but they couldn’t help it. They weren’t supposed to be so soft with each other yet, but they couldn’t help it. It all bled through anyway. There was too much there. They couldn’t help it. Oh my god.

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I was half asleep daydreaming and I came up with the most cracky idea
Shane has been in face offs against Ilya for years, even if they didn't have their thing of the ice, he knows his face by memory. Which is why he notices when a mole in the underside of his jaw gets bigger.
It's the 2015-2016, middle of the hookup era, and he is truing to get this motherfucker to see a dermatologist, but nothing he says works. Ilya either distracts him or dismisses him with some stupid denial like russians don't get melanoma.
But the mole keeps changing and now its not even the same consistent color and Shane has googled the signs so he says fuck it, I'm gonna make him.
Shane uses his barely active public account to tweet a list of Boston based dermatologist and tags Ilya in each one.
This of course goes crazy with the fans because what the hell? Shane Hollander? Tweeting at Ilya Rozanov? Doctors? This is a very advanced very strange chirp? Is he calling his moles ugly?
The next time the Boston Raiders have a game the media scrum doesn't even try to pretend they came for another thing, they want to know about the Dermatologist Thread.
Ilya, at this point frustrated because his moles are fine, they're perfect, why is this a problem, so he answers.
"Hollander should mind his own businesses, he wants me to visit stupid skin doctor because he sees mole. I have lots of moles, always had, there's no problem here, it's normal mole!"
And Shane is getting out of his own game a few hours later, prepares himself to answer about the fumble in the second period when the media comes, and it's surprised when, instead, he gets shown a clip of Ilya's earlier interview. Now, this fucking reckless motherfucker, Shane explodes.
"You fucking asshole! You want to die by driving a Porsche into a wall be my guest! But you're gonna die of the most stupid thing in existence! A MOLE! A mole you decided not to check even if it changed size and color and it's in your fucking face where we can all see it every fucking face off with arena lights shining right into it! Why? Because you're stupid and you don't want to go to the doctor and you don't respect the sun. You're gonna die from a perfectly preventable thing and then what are I'm gonna do? I'm gonna be the best hockey player in mi generation with 10 cups and Harts and Conn Smythes and no competition because you're gonna be in the history books as that one promising dude who died from a mole. A mole! Go to the fucking doctor and use fucking sunscreen."
That one goes viral. That one breaches containment and goes internacional meme viral.
Shane Hollander Skin Cancer Awareness King.
There's "Go to the fucking doctor and use fucking sunscreen" T-Shirts.
Shane Hollander angry sneering face with the text "RESPECT THE SUN" under it.
Ilya Rozanov gets bullied relentlessly about it, everyone asking if he has gone to the doctor yet. He doesn't answer. Eventually, he appears with a new scar in his jaw where a wonky mole used to be.
A new meme begins, Shane Hollander has saved Ilya Rozanov's life. From a malignant mole.
@hr-rep you see the people of the internet are going to argue if Shane Hollander was the guy who noticed a suspicious mole in his lover's face and had to resort to public pressure to get him to get it checked
Or if Ilya Rozanov was the dude who fell in love because "oh god my hot rival started screaming at me and saved my life"
Chicken or egg situation and they never confirm it one way or the other.
while you made sad ilya headcanons, i studied The Code (the bro code, for your bros that you’re definitely not in love with but also it would kinda be okay if you were)
bc like. ilya breaks the news that he’s going to ottawa. cliff knows why. but also that’s unacceptable bc he can’t just leave him like that. that’s his bro! that’s his bestie! his ride or die! and he’s seen ilya change over the past year. he knows things got Serious between him and shane over the summer. Ilya’s happier now, but he’s also sadder now when they’re not together. quieter. more withdrawn. sure, ottawa is a hell of a lot closer than boston, but shane will still be in montreal. who will ilya have in ottawa in the meantime?? nobody.
cliff can’t let that happen.
so he has his agent start desperately pulling strings. his enormous boston-based family does Not understand at first, but they’re a hockey family, so in a way they get it. a good captain is worth following, even if it’s outside the country. cliff keeps it under wraps and doesn’t tell ilya. lets him make his plans and pack his shit and move over the summer without him.
and on the first day with the centaurs, as coach wiebe is introducing ilya to everyone and he’s fighting the nerves he hasn’t felt since he was nineteen and meeting the raiders for the first time, cliff casually strolls in decked out in red and black and smiling ear to ear. ilya definitely doesn’t cry like a baby as he flings himself at him and crushes him in a hug.
the ottawa winters are easier to bear between the two of them.
I still think it’s so funny that shane was assigned gay by rose landry and his reaction was WHEW! thank god someone else decided that for me. anyway I’m off to get my man I can sense that he’s making bad decisions in a club somewhere
rose: do you want me to set you up with my friend?
shane distractedly: what? no I’m obviously already embroiled in a years-long situationship with a disaster bisexual who is physically incapable of expressing a feeling out loud. and I’m positive he’s off being a nightmare somewhere so now that I’m gay for sure I need to track him down and greet him with such awkward but well-meaning compassion he ends up sobbing in my arms
Okay but teacher Grace on Erid having very little say in which kids get filtered into his class, though he is aware that the selection process is super specific and that most of the kids he gets are high performers with star academics and some even with influential parents. He isn't quite comfortable enough with Eridian culture yet to object to the selection process and make it more inclusive, however. That is, until he learns about the special needs kids.
Obviously, there are Eridian kids with special needs, and a few of them even filter into his classes. But one specific type of special needs kid has never shown up in his classes, and the only reason he even learned of the condition is because Rocky and Adrien's first pebble has the condition.
It's initially quite a struggle for them to deal with, and Grace sympathizes of course, because the child will apparently have huge learning and academic struggles and will likely never be able to live on their own. That is, until he learns the details of the disability.
Basically, it's a condition where the part of the Eridian brain that gives them their eidetic memory isn't fully developed, and so these kids just... can't remember things the way most eridians do. And in a culture where an eidetic memory is the norm, all things cater to that, so not having that is actually a massive disability.
But Grace is like, so... this kid just learns the same way a human does, or something like. Which is nothing new to him, though he is somewhat boggled at how much Rocky and Adrian struggle with their infant and their "slow" learning curve, even as far as initial developmental stages. Grace, on the other hand, simply treats the kid the same way he would a human infant, and Rocky and Adrien are impressed with his patience.
But, through this, it occurs to Grace that there must be other kids out there with this disability who likely aren't getting the attention and chances in life that they deserve, because Eridian culture is particularly hostile toward this disability, and actively views those with it as unable to function in regular society.
So Grace demands that a special course be put together where he teaches kids with this disability specifically. Rocky is hesitant, as most kids with this disability are home schooled and kind of... kept shut away. But Grace insists and as one of Erid's saviors, he gets what he wants eventually.
His first class is super small, maybe only three kids because so few parents were willing to advertise that their children have this disability. And because of the stigma around it, even those who agreed to it are super unsure and want to be present during the lessons, perhaps paranoid about the impression it will leave on Savior Grace, who is so accustomed to only teaching the most gifted students.
But Grace knows exactly how to deal with these kids. Some of them have varying degrees of function when it comes to their memory banks, which isn't so unlike teaching kids on earth. And so Grace is able to introduce all these tools and teaching techniques that were previously unheard of on Erid (though very normal on Earth) like having textbooks for reference with you at all times and having strategies that are less focused on memorization for understanding, and providing these kids with tools like calculators and teaching them the art of taking notes to look back on, etc etc.
Suddenly, with all these tools that most Eridians don't need, these kids are learning at a much faster rate, and succeeding with the help of all their little tools. And because so many normal eridians are ignorant of Grace's actual biology, it's shocking to them that Savior Grace doesn't have an eidetic memory either (shocking to everyone but Rocky anyway)--that his brain functions quite similarly in capacity to these "disabled" children.
Once this news gets around, suddenly there's more kids in his special classes, and there's all kinds of discourse being inflamed because the real reason these kids can't live on their own or function is lack of support from Eridian society.
If Savior Grace, who is well respected as a genius in his own right amongst the Eridians, can function so successfully, they why can't these kids?
I dunno, I just think it's an interesting premise.
Okay, but, the little Eridians that attend Grace's special courses will have to bring way more supplies with them than would be usual.
Little baby Eridians with little baby backpacks, is what I'm getting at here.
sometimes you have to flip a scene on its side
(original)

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what an absolute power move to sit down on controlled state media for the first time and go "hello, we're dismantling you"