Genuine Bluff ®

Happy Ships Week CONSUMERS!

In honor of this momentous occasion, the Genuine Bluff™  staff has prepared a special SHIP-O-SCOPE to help our lovely CONSUMERS determine which mighty historical vessel mirrors the shape of their soul.

Asquareium : Connect with the Geometric Wonder of the Deep

See the largest and most diverse Square Tank in the world

Experience these gentle creatures in the Touch Tank

X-LARGE XANAX Lickable Tablet

Specially formulated for people with big problems

Looking something BIG to help you kick back and enjoy spending time with your friends and family, while coping with the reality of living in a capitalist hellscape?

X-LARGE XANAX® Lickable Tablet offers a complete escape from anything and everything lingering on your mind.

Doctors agree: keeping your XL XANAX® Lickable Tablet on hand is safe, fun, and definitely a good idea!

Perfect for every occasion!

Is your partner disrupting your daily life with HARMFUL OFF-GASSING?

Know the Signs that your partner may be releasing volatile organic compounds

They always have that "new car smell"

They irritate your eyes, nose, and/or throat

You are overcome with fatigue around them

They make you dizzy in a bad way

During these unprecedented times, remember to COPE:

Casually Observe Pandemonium Everywhere

Every find yourself enjoying an undeserved moment of mental peace? It's time for you to COPE.

What is your Love Language? Everyone has a unique Love Language! Which of these 6 are you?

Historically Accurate Costuming

Ominous Jazz Hands

Close Up Magic

Waiting

Grocery Shopping

Full Coverage Body Paint

Now more than ever, we must P.A.N.I.C.

P - pathologically doomscroll

A - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

N - Neglect Responsibilities

I - Ignore Physical & Mental Health

Oversharing : The Game of Haunting Secrets!

Spin the wheel to start Oversharing! Each color represents a unique topic:

red: romance

orange: childhood trauma

orange: high school memories

yellow: bathroom activity

green: finances

blue: politics

And many more!

Yes, I am weird about my hair.

Don’t not touch it

Do not ask about it

Yes it’s very long

Become an Olympian!

Three Easy Steps to the Gold

Train in an obscure sport

Work smarter, Not harder!

The fewer people who know the rules, the easier it is to pretend you're an expert. A cursory understanding of the sport is MORE than enough.

Obtain impressive, sounding yet ultimately meaningless credentials 

You Always Know Best

If anyone questions your authenticity, just mutter something about "PhDs" and "elite levels" before walking away briskly. Paper credentials are always superior to years of practice and training. Confidence, after all, is the ultimate skill!

Own Your Moment

This is ALL About YOU!

You're an Olympian, and this is all about YOU, after all!

Calling all citizens who are:

Of ambiguous parentage

Blonde

Open to being turned into a smoking pile of ash

The Queen Wants You!

Meet at the boat dock after dark for your chance to become the next dragon rider!

FOOD NOT PROVIDED | No dragon guaranteed

PROTECT AMERICA'S COUCHES & DOLPHINS

Probably also other sea creatures and furniture, just to be safe.

Slice of Serenity Wellness Center

Sharing the Healing Power of Pizza since 1804

Menu of Services

Mozzarella Muscle Melt Our experts use balls of mozzarella to sooth aching muscles

Full Body Crust Wrap Your body is tenderly wrapped with fresh pizza dough.

Serenity Sauce™ Soak Soak your troubles away in a vat of Serenity Brand™ Sauce of Serenity pizza sauce!

Garlic Butter Aroma Therapy Inhale garlic butter during this savory treatment.

Spicy Sausage Sauna A sauna experience infused with the invigorating scent of spicy sausage.