Let's Get Geeky

In middle school biology, we did an experiment. We were given yams, which we would sprout in cups of water. We then had to make hypotheses about how the yams would grow, based on descriptions of yam plants in our books, and make notes of our observations as they grew.

Here’s what was supposed to happen: we were supposed to see that the actual growth of the plant did not resemble our hypotheses. We were then supposed to figure out that these were, in fact, sweet potatoes.

What actually happened was that every single student in every single class lied in their notes so that their observations perfectly matched their hypotheses. See, everyone assumed the mismatch meant they had done something wrong in the process of growing the plant or that they had misunderstood the dichotomous key or the plant identification terminology. And, thanks to the wonders of a public school education, everyone assumed the wrong results would get us a failing grade. We were trying to pass. We didn’t want to get bitched out by the teacher. Curiosity, learning, science - that had nothing to do with why we were sitting in that classroom. So we all lied.

The teacher was furious. She tried to fail every student, but the administration stepped in and told her she wasn’t allowed to because a 100% fail rate is recognized as a failure of the teacher, not the class. It wasn’t even her fault, really, though her being a notorious hard-ass didn’t help. It was a failure of the entire educational system.

Champagne is a wizard who sells bubbly alcohol.

It’s called English because of the original Lish people, all languages start with En here.

French fries are not potatoes they’re roots of the french plant.

Goodbye is now short for ‘good be your eye’ wishing you luck seeing the path ahead.

💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Bottle of Spare Time
Wondrous item, very rare ___

This glass bottle is empty when found. When sitting upright, it’s indistinguishable from a normal bottle. It’s stoppered with a golden skull holding a miniature timepiece in between its teeth. Despite its appearance, the bottle nevertheless functions as a “+3 club.”

𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙎𝙞𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙣. Whenever you’re affected by a “haste" or "slow" spell while the bottle is on your person, it fills partway with sand. Each time the bottle is filled in this way, it gains 1 charge, up to a maximum of 5 charges, which is represented by the amount of sand left in the bottle. The bottle loses 1 charge each day at dawn, and 1d4 charges each time it’s picked up or carried by a different creature.

While holding the bottle, you can use an action to remove the stopper and pour the sand out. When you do, the bottle loses all of its remaining charges and duplicates the effects of the "time stop" spell. This version of the spell lasts for a number of rounds equal to the number of charges the club lost when it was poured out. Each time you pour the bottle out, there is a 30 percent chance that the bottle loses this property. ___