When I talk to people about gardening and my chickens we often have the same sort of conversation.
They mention they want a garden but it’s too hard and they wouldn’t know what to do with extras. I chuckle and tell them yeah it can get overwhelming but I have no trouble because I give away a lot to local food shares when I can’t find friends, family, or neighbors to take it.
Some of them nod and say that’s nice and we move on. You know, a normal response.
But some people actually get mad? They become indignant.
“That’s stupid! You spend so much money gardening and you just give it away? Eggs are so expensive and you give them away? People will start to expect things from you if you just give them away!”
It’s really hard for me to understand it because sometimes they don’t even have a reason they can explain, they’re just MAD and think ‘I’m being dumb.
I mean, they’re not wrong that I spend more money and time than I probably should gardening, but my vegetable gardening is my least expensive gardening. I get seeds at the dollar store and from friends. I make my own starts as a hobby all winter. Yeah, my garage grow racks were expensive, but I bought those for my house, exotic and native plant hobbies.
Also, they always say that I’m “giving it away” which I always think is an odd way of talking about sharing. That’s how I conceptualize it, I’m sharing. This is preschool stuff, when you have more than you need and someone else has less than they need, you share. They share back in other ways. It’s not transactional, it’s reciprocal. When we all do better, we all do better. I’m not giving anything away any more than clouds give away rain. It all comes back around some way as long as no one is hoarding things.
I have had people start to expect things, that’s true. We live in a society that values collecting goods over sharing goods and that means that, yes, sometimes people have demanded more from me than I could give, but that’s not a big deal. Because I am aware of how much I need so that I can identify and distribute surplus, I can protect my boundaries and tell someone, I’m so sorry but I cannot help you right now. I will reach out when I have something for you again.
Do people get pissed sometimes? Yeah, probably, but when you’re forming communities of care you learn to understand and accept that sometimes you will have interpersonal conflict and that also is something you can meet with care, empathy, and understanding. Kindness is not the same as people-pleasing.
And last, it makes me sad for people that they get so mad about it because it seems to me that they don’t understand why they’re mad either. They’ve become so separated from food as a part of a natural system that has seasonal rhythms that can be adapted to and worked with that they can ONLY see food as a commodity and are offended that someone else might interact with food, even a small fraction of the food they acquire, in a way that doesn’t have anything to do with the exchange of capital.
You know, though, no matter how mad they get, they never say no to a bag of tomatoes or a half dozen eggs.
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