star cream

(I understand this mentality, Zooble, I really do. It's easier to be one thing or the other, and who wants to be emotionally "weak"? And how can someone have confidence in you to provide a reliable ear to their struggles when you share your own that aren't too dissimilar? How can you be a supporter when you need support for your own insecurities? And when people ask, who would you be to offer your vulnerability? And when people don't ask, who would you be to correct them -- to prove that you're not the one-dimensional pillar of support they thought you were? It's nice, comfortable to be important to someone, and being an unstable person's constant (and only) support is an important role to play. It's a habit you learn and live by.)

Zooble's refusal to be vulnerable may ultimately build a space where they are prone to spiral -- sounds familiar? They will selflessly give and give and never demand anything in return, something that stands at a very stark contrast to Jax. But I think that there is an undeniable parallel to draw between them. Zooble's message to Gangle about the importance of loving oneself despite being a complicated, multifaceted human forms a clear dichotomy to Jax's ideology of dehumanizing oneself into a singular archetype. Yet I don't think Zooble has fully subscribed to this belief they express, not in application to themselves. (I'm not suggesting that it's not sincere, just that it hasn't been realized.)

Zooble's conversation with Caine in Episode 3 discusses their body dysmorphia, but not their isolation and loneliness. At the start of the series, Zooble is pretty much actively self-isolating by avoiding the adventures that aren't just preventing the cast from losing their minds, but also obliging them to spend time together as a group (which, I suppose could classify as one and the same). I hate to describe them as "grumpy", but that really would be the most apt descriptor of their early-season self -- up until Episode 4, where they begin connecting with Gangle in a meaningful way, and then proceeded to bond further with the others over the adventures in Episodes 4 and 5. Judging by the way that they currently seem to be a lot more engaged and less actively miserable in the circus as a whole now, I'd say that they clearly needed a greater social system than they possessed early on. This shift in the character dynamics resolves much of that isolation and loneliness.

Yet, while I think that their social comfort is a key aspect to their overall comfort in the circus, I don't get the impression that they have reached the point of fully accepting themself. Initially when I had first watched the episode, I thought that it was lovely to see how they have developed insurance against their insecurities enough to deliver such a message about the deliberation in self-acceptance; but, ruminating on it and seeing how their speech to Gangle is a clear reflection of their internal character growth, I now think that they have not quite reached that point. This speech should be the cusp of realization, where they voice the need for development to someone else, and hopefully have the self-awareness to realize how it applies to them (-- perhaps that epiphany is what that look of surprise was when Gangle asked if they'd ever struggled similarly).

However, Gangle unassumingly reaffirms Zooble's decision to close their emotions and struggles into a box when she dismisses Zooble as being infallible. She makes Zooble feel more confidence in the role they've assigned to themself with her, makes Zooble feel like maybe they really are that reliable, strong, important friend they want to be. They've managed this projection of stability and security so well that Gangle doesn't see their vulnerabilities, and that must be the only reason why Gangle feels like she can lean on Zooble. Zooble can now be confident that if they were to show any vulnerability now, Gangle won't be able to rely on them, because she has only chosen to rely on them because she sees them as unshakeable. And really, it's better to never be vulnerable, isn't it? (I think this is also something that could potentially be traced back to gender issues, but I digress.) Jax and Zooble both struggle with emotional repression, and Zooble expresses it in a less obvious and far less externally-damaging way, but it's still very much squeezing themself into a single-faceted role for the sake of protecting themself (and Gangle).

I've been wanting to talk about Zooble and Gangle's conversation for a while now. The reflection imagery of Zooble in Gangle's mask is a deliberate visual of how Zooble's words to Gangle are simultaneously being said to themself, maybe for the first time -- that it's not easy to love yourself, but you have to make a conscious effort to do so. Gangle is a reflection of Zooble in a more vulnerable state, a more emotionally open version of them due to the cruel/invaluable placebo of her masks. She allows Zooble to say the words that they've needed to tell themself, but she also enables Zooble to fall into a comfortable yet heavily repressed role. Gangle is someone who outwardly needs a lot of support, something that Zooble is willing and wanting to give for the ego it provides. (I think it says something about Zooble on how easily they slipped into that role of just offering their support like a habit -- yet the moment Gangle asks about Zooble's own struggles, they allow her to instead build them up further in a way that visibly saddens them for only a moment.) Perhaps in the real world, Zooble's self-worth may not be so dangerously tied to their ability to help other people, but in a cartoonish world where nothing matters but the other people around you, I think that it can especially be a risk. The isolated chamber of the digital circus is truly an enabler and exacerbator of already existing problems, as we can see in all the characters; for Zooble, it has to come to a head now that they've built relationships and connections with other members of the circus.

I think overall, a lot of these ideas are reflected symbolically in Zooble's body parts in Episode 6, where they and Gangle are in a medieval castle setting and they wear a dragon wing on one side and a pauldron on the other, representing both the knight and the dragon. It's their internal and external conflict -- as a knight, they are defending others and helping themself by making connections rooted in supporting other people; but as the dragon, they are also inflicting a plight upon themself: the source of their own distress due to body dysmorphia and self-inflicted isolation and emotional repression, despite being a protector to others. Helping Gangle and finding companionship in her does help Zooble in the sense that it makes them feel like they're fulfilling a valuable and important role that they desperately crave in the otherwise meaningless digital circus, but at the same time, it could lead to a detrimental position where they continuously offer their support while denying Gangle's attempts to reciprocate should the illusion of idolization break --which it will if judging by the human care injected in this show.