meaningless stuff

wanting and not wanting at the same time

in fact i think a lot of aro-ace people really hate that part of themselves, hide it, and struggle for a long time to ‘accept’ who they are and feel any sense of ‘pride’. that’s the feeling i wanted to capture here. the disappointment, the loneliness, upon realising that you can’t feel what is such a wonderful thing. the embarrassment of not being ‘normal’, of being some random sexuality that nobody irl has heard of, and letting down those around you because you can’t be who they want you to be. how desperately you want to change, how desperately you want to feel. but you just can’t.

i know not all aro-ace people feel like this. i know lots of aro and/or ace people feel able to be in relationships, to feel closeness and have partners in other ways. but i think it’s important to be aware that some aro-ace people do feel like this.

the comments on this comic have mostly been great but a few have been very frustrating. a comment it got a lot was along the lines of ‘aw!! you don’t need to have sex to be in a relationship!’. you completely missed the point, hah. this is not a comic about sex. it’s about a lack of feeling, the lack of something beautiful other people seem to have. another comment that popped up a few times was ‘maybe she’s a lesbian’. well maybe lesbians and aro/ace girls have more in common than people think - maybe they both often struggle to accept that they feel no attraction to men, even though society has conditioned them to do so, sometimes spending years trying to force themselves to like men in that way, when they just can’t.

this comic is called ‘wanting and not wanting at the same time’ because she wants to love. but when it comes down to the reality, she can’t fulfil the requirements of that. she wants to love someone forever, to get married and have children and grow old with her soulmate, but she doesn’t want it with this person. or that person. or anyone she meets or will ever meet. a sort of catch 22, i guess.

If y’all use a decent box mix and use melted butter instead of vegetable oil, an extra egg, and milk instead of water, no one can tell the difference. I sure as hell can’t. 

Also, if you add a little almond extract to vanilla cake, or a little coffee to chocolate cake, it sends it through the roof. 

Baking from scratch means you’ve got to buy a whole tin of baking powder and only use a spoonful, and a whole thing of flour, and maybe multiple kinds of sugar, and maybe cocoa powder, maybe spices, and there’s no way you’re going to use up any of those, you’ll just have to pitch them when you move out.

Not to mention that you’ve got maybe one measuring cup, and there’s no way you’ve got a sifter, and you probably don’t have measuring spoons and how sure are you that your eating spoon is actually the right size…

I bake some things from scratch. Anything requiring creaming a mix is basically a sad joke because all the work is the creaming. Standard cake is not one of them.

Of course, me being me, a standard cake is usually just a component - I don’t actually like “just cake” that much and canned frosting is terrible. So while I don’t scratch bake cake, that cake is getting saturated with tres leches, or put in a trifle, or getting add-ins before baking anyway.

In taste tests they’ve found that while customers may ask for a cake from scratch they often end up preferring the taste and texture of the doctored mixes when all is said and done.

Unless you have some particular allergies or some other reason to avoid box mixes they are often the better way to go.

I’ve been looking into opening up a home bakery and part of the task of producing food for the public is making sure your items are standardized so that every person who gets a cupcake (for instance) is getting the same quality, size, etc., etc.

My standard cake is box mix + milk for water + melted butter for oil + dash vanilla extract + frosting from scratch. This really seems to hit the right spot for people of “mmm, homemade” but also “exactly like Mom used to make.” (Do that for a yellow cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, add candles, and serve to a college student, for the maximum “this is exactly what I didn’t want to admit I wanted” potential.)

Seconding the addition of coffee to chocolate cake; a tablespoon of instant coffee powder in a dark chocolate cake makes it taste chocolatey-er without actually adding a perceptible coffee flavor (I don’t like coffee flavor, personally, and I still do this).

Another good option is a box lemon cake mix plus maybe 3 lemons. Zest the lemons, set the zest aside, then juice them and use that in place of the water; then use the zest to flavor the frosting. Adds a nice fresh kick.

Chocolate chips can be dumped straight into chocolate cake mix without fussing with anything to compensate. Sprinkles can go into white cake mix to make your own “confetti cake” with any specific color combo you like. Any kind of dried fruit can be chopped to raisin-size, soaked in hot water (or, better yet, hot juice with a couple of citrus peels added) for an hour, drained, and then added to batter.

Replacing part (up to maybe 1/3) of the water with yogurt (and then the rest with milk as usual) will give you a denser cake; make sure to check if it’s cooked through, and bake a little longer if necessary.

Swirling things through batter for that fancy marbled look is easy. Consider melting chocolate chips with butter, or mixing brown sugar with cinnamon and a little melted butter, or making up two different cake mixes and swirling those together.

“Can confirm for brownies. Add some chocolate chips or nuts or caramels as you like. Use coffee instead of water. Definitely test and experiment because life is always better with brownies“

I scratch bake because cake mixes in the uk are a joke but if you have a few days before the cake is ready freeze it and defrost it the night before

your cake will be so light and moist it’s obscene, it allows the cake to hold the moisture without becoming soggy

and if you have cake in a tin [left over, giving a gift] put a slice of white bread under it - it will keep it fresher longer, it’s a weird thing I didn’t believe but it absolutely works

if you really want to bake but you’re nervous Shortbread is your friend

it’s a super easy 2-4-6 mix

so 2oz sugar, 4oz butter 6oz flour [plain flour not SRF, cake or light bread flour is fine]

Ready?  Humans are packbondy creatures.  I mean, there’s just no arguing it.  They packbond readily, and quickly, and unbelievably strongly.  Once a human has packbonded with a thing, they will do anything to help and protect that thing.  

There’s a downside to that, not often mentioned.  It uses up a lot of their time and energy to build those packbonds, maintain those packbonds, and most especially to do the work of helping and protecting those with whom they have packbonded.  It doesn’t leave them a lot of time and energy for helping other beings.  If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first. “Yeah? So?” So you’re probably going to be working with humans for most, if not all, of your career.  No matter how good or bad you are at your job, there will come a time when you need someone else in your workspace to help you with something, whether that’s manning the fry station for 2 minutes while you pee, sending over those numbers from marketing, or dropping everything to teach you how to do a thing that your boss told you to do or else you’d be fired.   Not to mention the big things.  They don’t give promotions to just their friends – at least not so much any more. Promotions go to the people who’ve completed big, visible, important projects.  It seems fair until you consider,,,, who gets the big, important, visible projects assigned to them in the first place?   Humans give boosts to the people they’ve packbonded with.  They mention packbondee’s accomplishments to the boss (or the boss’ boss).  They cover for the mistakes of people they’ve packbonded with.  

“That’s not right! It shouldn’t be a popularity contest! It should be about who does the best –”  Listen to me.  Listen.

You may be right.  You may be the most correct creature to have ever spoken since the beginning of galactic civilization.  It does not matter Humans packbond. It’s what they do. I can’t stop it. You can’t stop it.  No power in the ‘verse can stop it. This is how the human do. All you can do is work with it.  If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first. “Look, I’m introverted and scared of people and I have social anxiety so I really don’t know how to –” Hey, my pal, I feel you.  I, too, am introverted. And I have social anxiety. And I have PTSD that actually – and I recognize that this is bizarre – has ‘business networking’ as a trigger.   For you, I have good news: Humans will packbond with anything.   Like, you don’t really actually have to do anything. You kinda just have to… exist. In their presence. They kinda do the rest.   If you can talk with them, that speeds things up.  But it doesn’t have to be, like, good conversation. Like, it can totally go You: boy, sure is hot out! Human: Man oh man, can you believe it? You: Wow, yeah Human: Totally You: …. Human: ….

This conversation – as awkward and uncomfortable as it felt to you, has caused this human to packbond with you a little more. If you repeat it weekly, you will get good results. 

THE TAKEAWAYS

You need to packbond with the humans you come in contact with

Taking time to do that is not only justifiable, it is an important part of your job, and should be treated as such

That is to say that, as much as you hate it (and believe me, I understand), you have to take time away from actual work and dedicate it to packbonding with your fellow workers

Tips

Plan out your packbonding time. It’s easier if you can initiate than if a human springs packbonding-time on you all unexpected.  In an office job I like to use Friday afternoon, but adjust according to what makes sense to you and your situation.

Keep some packbonding-time questions handy.  My go-to list is:

(If it’s Monday or Tuesday) How was your weekend?

(If it’s Wednesday) How’s your week been so far?

(If it’s Thursday or Friday) Any big plans for the weekend?

How’s your day been?

You don’t have to care about the answers to these questions. All you have to do is remember that if the human is answering questions, they are not asking you any questions.  Therefore questions are your friend.  If you ask follow-up questions, you may be able to get through the entire packbonding time without having to do any of the talking

Learn to disengage from packbonding.  You can use basically the same sentence (or variants on it), but you’ll want to practice it so that you can make it sound natural.  I use “Awesome! Well, I gotta get going. Have a good one!”

Like they’re both fluent and speak VERY GOOD English, but Yuuri just got off a five-year stint in a country where English is the predominant language, where he had to speak English every day just to function in society. Viktor’s experience with English is pretty much limited to international competitions and if he forgets a word, it’s whatever, because half the other people there aren’t as fluent as him anyway.

This headcanon doesn’t really matter most of the time bc I write them communicating in English (Which they canonically do, it being their only shared language) so obviously they effectively have the same amount of fluency that I do, but I just love the idea that sometimes, out of no where, Viktor will pause in the middle of conversation and get this look on his face.

“Did you forget the word?” Yuuri will ask kindly.

“Yes.”

“What’s the word in Russian?”

“Turtsiya.”

“Okay, I’m not familiar with that one. Describe it?”

“Evil chicken.”

“Turkey?”

I AM LAUGHING MY PANTS OFF

because Turtsiya is not a Turkey as an evil chicken. It is Turkey as a COUNTRY.

OMGOMG

I was so confused 😂😂😂

1. Goals. Every month, make a page with the goals you want to accomplish that month. Whether it be read more or eat junk food less, it’s a great way to make a tangible list of things you want to accomplish. I find writing things down is a great way for me to actually get things done, rather than just thinking “Oh, yeah, I need to do that at some point.”

2. Budgets. You can do many different things with this idea. You could have a page that is just an overview of your spending for the month. You can do this to try and cut down costs, by giving yourself specific goals on how much money to spend, etc. Or you can even use this to keep track of all your University costs in one place. The possibilities are endless, which makes it a great idea for multiple pages in your bullet journal.

3. Gift Ideas. Keep a running list of things to get yourself, mom, dad, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. Nothing’s worse than when it’s time to go Christmas shopping, and you have no ideas. With this, you can write things down throughout the year and have a long list before the holiday and/or birthday seasons!

4. Accomplishments. This is a list of things you’ve accomplished throughout the year, so when you move onto your new bullet journal, you can look back on all the great things you did. This is something that will be awesome to look back on in a few years, remembering what you did each year that you considered to be an achievement worthy of making the list!

THERE YOU GO YURI ON ICE FANDOM.

Disclaimer: this is in no way a fully comprehensive guide. This is just me trying to put together basics for people who are unfamiliar with Kazakhstan/Kazakhs to start their writing/research.

I am an ethnic Kazakh female, citizen of Kazakhstan, Almaty, bisexual, upper middle class, currently in college in the US. My experience is in no way representative of all kazakhs and Kazakhstan citizens. However, I think it’s pretty close to Otabek’s.

This is really, really long and kinda convoluted, but if you can bear it –– welcome!

And also one thing: this made me giggle a big, cuz in ancient times our men used to steal their brides on horses ;D 

OMG

OMG

MY COUSIN WAS "STOLEN" AS A PART OF HER WEDDING CEREMONY SO THE TRADITION IS STILL ALIVE

Whose autograph is this??!

SO YOU KNOW THIS LINE?

WELL, MY MOM AND I WERE TALKING AND SHE WAS LOOKING THROUGH HER TUMBLR (YES SHE FOLLOWS ME) AND SAW THIS POST ABOUT OTABAE OTABEK AND SAW THIS QUOTE FROM HIM.

And she was like “There’s some subtext there. Between the blond Russian and the Kazakhstan boy”

I asked her what she meant, and OOOOH BOY AM I GLAD I DID.

So, Kazakhstan used to be part of the USSR and is a country that sits between Russia and Uzbekistan and Kyrgyzstan and next to Mongolia.

The thing is, a lot of Russians believe that the people who live in these countries (Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, ect.) are a different inferior race to native Russians.

Otabek is like a poster child, when it comes to looks, of the people native to that area; While our little Russian kitty, Yurio, is similar to that for native Russians.

So, when Otabek asks this question with no emotion, he is probably 100% ready for Yurio to basically say “No, fuck you.”, because he is used to being treated in that way, especially by Russians like Yurio.

This probably also explains why he can’t show his emotions too well. He probably has the mindset that “If I let them see that they get to me, it will only get worse.”

TL;DR: Kubo-sensei knows her politics, and subtly incorporates it into her characters aND I LOVE HER FOR IT.

First of all, probably true. Otabek absolutely could have met some bigoted Russians and could be anxious.

On the other hand, I seriously feel, like the tone of this post is so patronizing??? And also I lived in Moscow for 22 years and being Kazakh not ever, not even once was targeted in any way. I mean not even micro-aggression cases. Not about my looks, not about my name or surname. I live in Germany now and people say weird things about my eyes or say nihao on the streets to me every other week.

BUT Russian is my native language and for Otabek it could not be the case? So he could be targeted for his accent?

Also I want to ask any Kazakh people living in Kazakhstan, do you think Otabek speaks Russian?

I’ve seen so many russian characters in a foreign movies, TV shows, some anime series since childhood. And I ALWAYS rooted for them because in Kazakhstan you have a lot of russian channels on TV, you know russian musians, you buy russian books…So you really just feel that you are somehow connected with them and you can identify yourself with these characters. Our life in some countries of past USSR one way or another linked to Russia. Even though there are a few people who don’t know about our nations or sometimes can be mean to us (NOT all of them, of course, but I studied in Saint Petersburg, so I had my cases). Even though USSR no longer exists, Russia is still a huge, HUGE part of our lives.

Like here I am, Kazakh girl, born and raised in Moscow, Russia, not speaking in Kazakh like EVER, not a Muslim and almost never saw any Kazakh people that were not my relatives. Identifying myself to Russians almost 99% of times.

The only Kazakh things about me are my looks, things I eat and my name.

And here I am, feeling HEARTBROKEN over the representation in this anime.

Where is my besbarmak, I need it yesterday.